Of Graduate School and Life

Oh my gosh, it's been almost three years since I posted anything. I promise I'm still alive haha. Life's just been really busy. I started a Ph.D program at an awesome university and so I've been investing my writing time in academic pursuits and learning languages. I spend most of the academic year buried under a mountain of books, teaching, or traveling for research. Also, I'm seriously dating a great guy so that's been very distracting in a good way. :) Honestly, since the reign of Vision Forum came to an end, I haven't felt much impulse to write. But if Doug Phillips, Peter Bradrick, and their team of sadistic, narcissistic, nerfherders resurfaces, believe me, I will take them down again.

Then again, when I get free time to peruse blogs and consider the young Christian culture surrounding me, there is much to consider. There's been a lot of fallout from the "Purity Culture" in the last few years and books like, I Kissed Dating Goodbye have rightly been drawing a lot of fury from those affected by them. This a good thing! But it's also heartbreaking to read the stories of others who suffered a lot more than I did from these teachings. I've been blessed to have really awesome parents who didn't mind my challenging the books I was reading as a sixteen year old and now I'm blessed to be dating an awesome Christian man who was not affected by the purity culture.

Still, I see a lot of narcissism and legalism in today's Christian culture and I see that the fundamentalist ideas that I've spent years writing against have seeped into the evangelical church--at the same time the fundamentalist structure toppled. So I'm going to be writing about that... maybe not  often, grad school being what it is, but I think someone needs to speak up.

Ingrid  

Passion and... er... well...

Preface: No, I'm not dead and I'm not scared about posting either. I'm just really, really busy. I'm working on a novel so that's where most of my writing time goes. But I feel guilty that I haven't been posting so I'm going to try harder. :) Hopefully, I'll have more book reviews up soon.

As some of you know, I’ve discussed Elizabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity before in many posts, somewhat in depth in these: here and here I've been thinking about it again over the past few months and I realized that it’s honestly not a great example of purity. The story of Jim and Elizabeth’s romance is a decent love story (aside from Jim’s cold feet and stringing Elizabeth along for six years :-/) and I appreciate Elizabeth’s frank discussion of their temptations and her openness with the struggles of waiting. However, in Passion and Purity, Elizabeth and Jim are constantly focusing on the physical aspects of their relationship (or future relationship). Well, actually, it’s mostly Jim. One only has to turn a few pages to find excerpts from letters to where Jim declares that he has a “wetted appetite for her body.”¹ Now I have mixed feelings here… on one hand, it is a love letter but on another, Jim just sounds like a perverted creep. And then again, this is hardly something I would include in a discussion of purity! If you’re trying to be pure, you don’t talk about such things! Why? Because focusing on it isn’t going to help at all. Jim and Elizabeth weren’t messing around but they were talking about physical stuff and discussing it and thinking about it so much that they ended up focusing more and more upon physical intimacy. For the reader, this is terribly awkward, not to mention confusing.

In a similar fashion, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and even worse, Boy Meets Girl contain rather detailed descriptions of intimate encounters. I don’t really feel like quoting them, because I don’t want to re-read them! Seriously Josh Harris, did you have to use such descriptive language? I remember trying to read And the Bride Wore White as a teenager and I couldn’t even finish it because the book was so graphic. Did I really need to know that Dannah Gresh? All of these authors included things that can only be labeled as “TMI” and now that I’m an adult, I’m confused as to why they thought this was a good idea. Just what purpose do these discussions serve? If you’re trying to preach purity, why do you need to be so graphic? Why focus so much on the one thing you’re trying to ignore? It’s like that scene in Inception where Arthur says to Saito: “Okay, this is me, planting an idea in your mind. I say: don't think about elephants. What are you thinking about?” And the response is, “Elephants.”2 In fact, none of these authors have a good grasp of psychology because Ironic Process Theory states that the more you try to suppress a thought, the more it will surface in your mind. The more these authors talk about “forbidden subjects” the more the reader will think about forbidden subjects. Oh, and let me get one thing straight here, I have no problem with healthy, helpful discussions or advice for intimate relationships. Some people need that and I don’t think we should avoid the subject. However, I do have a problem with books that are supposed to promote purity dropping graphic descriptions into your mind with no warning. And if you are 12-18, it is doubly jarring and opens up a whole new discussion. My mom let me read Passion and Purity when I was 14, and I don't fault her at all, because she trusted Elizabeth Elliot. I don't think Elliot was worthy of that trust. Many parents are encouraged to trust these authors but knowing the facts, what parent would want to give their 12-18 year old these books?     

In all honesty, I think all of these books fall into the trap of puritanism and a lot of Christians fall into it as well. “…Puritanism is the most leering and prurient of world views. Far from wanting to keep sex in the private sphere, the puritans can't wait to drag it out in public. Puritans are the least buttoned-up people in the world. They can't wait to pin a scarlet A for adultery on someone's clothing, or hold a public humiliation ritual.”³ Yes, exactly. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Ingrid

1. Elizabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity, 1984.

2. Christopher Nolan, Inception, 2010.

3: BBC News Magazine. “A Point of View: Sex and the French.” 17 January 2014. http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-25756961

Grace's Story

If you have been following Semper Eadem for any period of time, then you probably know Ingrid’s story. If you haven’t read it, please read it here.

I’m Ingrid’s sister Grace. I’ve contributed from time to time. I work full-time as a registered nurse, so I don’t always have time to contribute. However, I would like to share my story- since I (borrowing a term from Ingrid) was also “burned” by the I Kissed Dating Goodbye Movement. When I was about 15, I remember reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, its sequel Boy Meets Girl, and other courtship-type books. I also followed Young Ladies Christian Fellowship (YLCF) and their Courtship stories religiously. I was SO in love with those books and the courtship stories and the examples that they included. I distinctly remember reading Emotional Purity and it telling me to think of all the guys I knew as someone else’s husband. Also, from the books and articles, I learned that I shouldn’t: talk to guys too much or give them attention (it might give them the wrong idea!), dress “immodestly”, and that I must save my first kiss for marriage. I was really sucked into this for several years and all the while I became more proud (because I was a “good girl” and I wasn’t like those “other girls”!). I became quieter and scared of talking to guys. The thoughts in my head when I was around any and all guys were “What does he think of me?” “What if he wants to ask me out?” and “What if he is the one?” I was literally obsessed with these thoughts. But through it all, I always thought that Prince Charming would magically come along, talk to me, like me, talk to my dad and then we would court, fall in love, and get married with our first kiss at the alter. Yeah right…. That is a fantasy world.

I remember that I graduated high school and immediately started college classes for my RN degree. That took a whole 2 years, in which time I was more exposed to the real world and all the time I was still really quiet- because what would a guy think if I talked to him?  He might think that I liked him and that I was flirting, which would make him and me loose pieces of our hearts that we could never recover.

Fast forward to recently: I’ve been out of school and a nurse for three years. I’ve been realizing that I really have trouble talking to guys. It’s really difficult and I don’t know why. I never had any problems as a child or young adult. No wait… Now I remember. I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and all the other trash and it changed how I think about guys. Men went from friends to “there might be something more and if I talk to them they might get the wrong idea.” Oh dear- how on earth do I get over that?  I have to completely change my thinking—namely that guys are humans, they are friends, and that they are not going to assume that I am interested in them just because I talk to them.

So lately, I’ve been talking to my mom, Ingrid, and girlfriends about guys. I’m 23. I’m single. I’ve never had anyone interested in me (that I know of). I’ve finally come to the realization that I Kissed Dating Goodbye and the other garbage really poisoned my thinking where guys are concerned. So, one of the first things that I did was I started praying more—for opportunities to talk to guys and help my communication.  I started teasing and talking to men at work. I joined eHarmony to help improve my communication skills. I didn’t expect to really meet anyone, and I didn’t. But that’s perfectly okay, because it sure did help my communication skills and help me narrow down my priorities. I did communicate with several guys and it helped me realize that not every guy who expresses interest is the right man for you. It also proved that you don’t hurt your heart by communicating with a guy. I’ve also started communicating more with my guy friends. There is one guy who I have liked for many years and I find it so hard to communicate with him, because of the thinking planted in me from I Kissed Dating Goodbye and other titles. I struggle with questions like “Will he think I’m too pushy? Too forward? Too flirty?” My mom says “no” and I think she is right. I struggle with my self-image. I have to continually remind myself that just because I talk to a guy, it doesn’t mean that I’m sinning as I have a fun time talking and laughing with him.

The rest of the story? I decided to communicate more with him and seek him out more when we are out with friends. And it’s working-- we’re getting to be better friends, we’ve had a few good talks in the past few weeks, we text from time to time, and that’s okay for now….  My story isn’t over yet, it’s still in progress. :)

~Grace 

The Story

Pride and Prejudice, 2005

I’ve been writing this story since before I started this blog and now I think I can finally post it. It’s been alluded to in many posts, especially my earlier ones. For a long time, I held back in telling this story because of own pain and not knowing for sure what was going to happen. I also wanted to protect my friend Jason’s privacy. Just reading it over again still hurts a little.

“A book by the name of Emotional Purity came out several years back; I purchased and read it, at about the age of fourteen. My ideals were being shaped at that age, for I also bought at the same time, Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliott. And, I had in my possession, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy meets Girl by Joshua Harris, and The Dating Trap by Martha Rupert. At first read, Emotional Purity seemed to have its philosophy straight and I agreed with much of what it said. Then when I was sixteen, I began to reexamine my foolproof system and the books that had influenced my thinking. No book was safe from my sharp critique and I found many flaws in the teaching they presented; in Emotional Purity especially.” – Part 1, Let It Be = Love3

Now, what I didn’t explain in Let it Be = Love3 was the reason why I began rethinking my trust in the formulas prescribed by I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Emotional Purity, and various speakers in the homeschool realm. At the time, it was all still too fresh and too painful. Here’s the story…
When I was fifteen, I began e-mailing a good guy friend of mine who lived in another state. Let’s call him Jason. He and I had many similar interests and ideals, we were both homeschooled, and both of our parents thought that courtship was the way to handle relationships. Jason and I were friends and had been all our lives but there was always a little something special between us and that began to blossom over the next 10 or so months. We e-mailed everyday and we saw each other several times that year during family visits and our friendship grew deeper and deeper. I knew I was in love with him and knew that he likely felt the same way about me―some feelings can be exchanged with looks and words are not necessary. Then, all at once, the day after Christmas, he wrote and told me that he thought we should stop e-mailing. He said it didn’t line up with the Josh Harris books and the Little Bear Wheeler tapes (i.e. Dating is No Game tape set) he’d been listening to and thinking over. We were still technically “friends” and so applying these ideas to a “friendship” didn’t really work or make sense. I was completely confused. I asked him to call me and he did… but only after his mom called my mom and made it clear that the correspondence was over. No discussion, no chance for hope. It was over. Talk about feeling like Mr. Bingley!



Pride and Prejudice, 1995

When I was able to talk to Jason, we stayed on the phone for a really long time and he sounded so sad. He mentioned Emotional Purity and the Little Bear tapes but didn’t really have a coherent argument. Then, it was over. I cried myself to sleep for several nights afterwards and spent the next few months trying to figure out what had gone wrong. At first, I blamed myself. I blamed my parents. But then, I realized who (and what) was to blame. Upon closer examination and from what I know now of Jason and his family, his parents must have decided that I wasn’t right for their son. Or they thought he was “feeling” too much because love is a deadly sin. (*rolls eyes*) So they made him stop e-mailing me…likely by making him confused and guilty about it.

"Do you deny it, Mr. Darcy? That you separated a young couple who loved each other, exposing your friend to the censure of the world for caprice and my sister to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind?" - Elizabeth Bennet (Keira Knightley), Pride and Prejudice, 2005

As the years went on and Jason and I saw each other again from time to time… he grew more and more distant from me. I don’t even know him now. The person that he has become is not the young man I loved. But that’s another story entirely.

It was after this experience that I realized that the books and formulas weren’t working and didn’t work. In fact, they could even be used as ammunition to ruin friendships or allow parents to manipulate relationships. Even Josh Harris is aware of this possibility and mentioned it in Boy Meets Girl. I wanted to burn my books but ended up putting them in a box in the basement.

“Writers of these type of books need to be blatantly honest...it's okay to "flower-up" a novel but writers shouldn't flower-up real life...and they need to state over and over that this is just one story and that everyone's story will be different. I'm tired of the authors never saying that. Why? Because I'm concerned that young people (or their parents) take these stories and believe that their (or their children's) future will or should look like that...and that belief, I know from experience, can cause a lot of pain. Sometimes, people who are married forget how much singles hang on every word in these books and stories...they need to remember what it felt like to be 14 and impressionable.” - Re: Let it Be = Love3

Something that has bothered me since the whole thing went down is the fact that instead of being concerned that our relationship lined up with the Bible and the words of Jesus, Jason was only concerned about how our relationship related to I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Emotional Purity, and the thoughts of Little Bear Wheeler. When we allow books, speakers, music, or anyone other than Jesus Christ to be our guidance for life, we have strayed from the truth. The next time you want advice, don’t pick up a book or listen to a tape… read the Bible and pray.

The ideals of the courtship movement were indeed to blame for what happened to me and by the summer, I knew I didn’t want anyone else to be as misled as I had been. So I started this blog. Without those ridiculous theories, Jason and I would likely have dated or at least talked about dating instead of dancing around the subject and acting like nothing was happening because it was a “sin” to fall in love at 15. Perhaps he would have broken up with me and then at least I would have known the boundaries and rules I had to follow. As it was, after it broke off, I wasn’t sure if we were still friends or… what? Courtship’s ideals can create a very unnatural strain and lack of openness between young people themselves and in their interaction with their parents. For some reason, in a courtship mindset, parents seem shocked to discover that their teenager actually has romantic feelings for a guy/girl and forget that crushes and young love are common. This stuff is all normal! The shutting off of emotions only causes confusion, guilt, anger, and pain and it’s not right to expect perfection from another human being.

Another thing…don’t be afraid to suffer. I never sought out these trials but I learned to accept them when they came. God will allow you to be tested at some point and He may choose to do it with a relationship. Sure, if I'd followed all the principles of those books I'd be a safe, happy, girl, (well maybe) who has never had her heart broken.

But I wouldn’t have learned anything either.

Now, I'm a strong, content, young woman who had her heart broken and has found that it's been glued back together with no more than a little scar. I'm happy for my sufferings, because God used them to teach me more than any safe times ever could have. I took a risk—got hurt—but ended up with wonderful blessings.

And I'd never trade those wonderful years of friendship with Jason for all the so-called "safety" that emotional purity brings. Love can be painful but it is also fun and beautiful in its time.

Why post this?

I want to help parents not to make the mistake Jason’s parents made and I want to help young people in the same situation. This is my way of saying, you're not alone. God's with you and there are others with similar heartaches or who have had them. You're not the only one.

This word to parents, don't ever take matters of the heart into your hands. Give them to God. Don’t lock your child into a box of perfection. Look for the good in people. Pray and pray some more. This is why I wrote Seeking Perfection. Don't ever put your child or the person of their choice through what Jason and I went through. In most cases, if you've taught your children correctly, they will not disappoint you. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." —Proverbs 22:6. Trust God.

This word to young people, if you love someone…don't be afraid to show it. I'm not talking about infatuation. I'm talking about love and if you're ever in love, you’ll know what I mean. Don't take anything for granted, that's one of the things that God has taught me through this. You've got to live, laugh, and love while you can…because tomorrow everything could be gone forever.

And now, it honestly doesn’t matter. I’ve moved on and I’m interested in another guy. God is bigger than all of these things that have happened to me and He has sustained me through all of them. I’m glad he saw fit to test me and show me that I am to trust in Him alone―not live by self-help books and formulas. It doesn’t matter that Jason and I don’t speak now or that his parents turned him against me. In the light of eternity, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter when people attack me or accuse me of things I didn’t say or do…. Life is too short. I still pray for Jason and his family. I hope that they will find peace and freedom as they walk with Christ.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13.

Ingrid

Sheep in Need of Shepherd: Apply Within – Part Two

This builds upon my last post...so, if you're new I'd suggest reading Part One first.

"As the letters poured in, I realized that while God had graciously used my book to help some people, it had also raised a lot of questions…." "The main point of I Kissed Dating Goodbye was: "If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance." But now my fellow singles were asking, "How can you know when you are ready for marriage? And once you're ready, what should you do?" To be honest, I hadn't figured that out yet. I never meant to become an expert on relationships…."– Joshua Harris, Boy Meets Girl. 1
Okay, I do appreciate Josh Harris. I like his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye; it helped bring people back to common sense. It's a big duh to me that if you're not ready to get married, (basically between the ages of 14 and 18, most people would agree that you're not going to marry at 15!) it's smart just to abstain from romantic relationships. Just wait until you're more mature and can handle the pressures. Smart. Great Idea. Bravo Josh for having some sense. Now, back to the subject at hand, Josh had some major sheep writing to him. No, I'm not being mean, I'm stating a fact. Why would anyone be so needy as to feel the have to contact the author of the book for advice on their romantic relationships? Why did Josh even write Boy Meets Girl? All I would have said is: "Sorry, guys, you're going to have to make it up as you go. Read your Bible and talk to God. Be an adult and use your head." No one can lead you by the hand as you grow up. That's something I've learned more and more as I become an adult. One thing I've learned is to rarely ask for advice, to rarely accept advice, and to only give advice when pressed. It's not to be cocky or because I think that I'm above other's advice…it's that experience tells me to listen to God and my own instincts. As I was reading Lord of the Rings, I was reminded of this by a certain quote. "Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill. But what would you? You have not told me all concerning yourself; and how then shall I choose better than you?" 2 Advice is a dangerous gift. Use it wisely.
Back to Josh Harris, why did he write Boy Meets Girl? I can think of a few reasons…the chief one being…uh, money. The first book sold well…people seem to need guidance…a new book will likely do very well…it's tempting to write more. Do you really blame him? Well, I guess I do. Personally, I wish he'd stopped while he was ahead. Courtship and Dating are so complicated that writing a book about how to do it will always be controversial and subject to lots of criticism. Well, it should be; because, there is no correct way, there is no easy way, and there is no method for success. Love is not a thing that you can diagram like a weather pattern. You don't wake up in the morning and think, "I'll fall in love today and it'll all work out beautifully." If you read a love story somewhere, you may as well say, "Well, it won't happen to me like that,"—because it won't. No two stories are ever exactly alike. You could live for a hundred years, travel the earth, hear many stories, and still not have scratched the surface of possibilities. The Gospel doesn't give us a list of do's and don'ts—it gives us principles for life and everything attached to it and that's called flexibility. God knew that rules don't work for everything and part of his plan is to make every person's story different. Love is a strange thing. "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand. The way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden."3 If the Proverb writer could not understand it…you're not going to be able to either. But when the time comes, God will give you understanding and then you'll know what it's all about. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."4

Ingrid

1: Joshua Harris, Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship, Moltnomah Publishers, 2000. Quotation from Chapter 1, page 19.
2: Gildor Inglorian, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Book I, Chapter III, Page 83.
3: Proverbs 30: 18-19.
4: Matthew 6:34.

What Are They For?

A few weekends ago, at a family Christmas party, I watched my eighteen-year-old cousin Christine and felt very empathetic towards her. She had just recently broken up with her boyfriend—or he broke up with her—all I know is, my aunt told us before she arrived not to mention boys or dating. Christine looked so sad and it was apparent that she was suffering. I too have suffered from broken friendships…mostly with other girls…for a variety of reasons…so, to some degree, I can understand what she’s going through. As I watched her, I thought, “That’s what ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ is for—it’s for people like Christine that wouldn’t consider skipping dating—merely because they haven’t thought it out. I was raised in a conservative Christian home and my parents trained me to believe that dating around is a waste of time. ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ just showed my why striving for that outline is a good choice. So, what are the ‘self-help’ books for? They are for people that need to think. That need to try to meet the ideals half-way. That need the practical twist. They are only for us ‘christianhomeschoolededucatedonJoshHarrisand
LittleBearsincetheageofthreepeople’ in the sense of helping us see why we believe what we believe and do what we do. Don’t you see? It’s not about perfecting ourselves! It’s about sharing the book with people that need it! I’ve done that: I gave it to a friend that that needed it (but didn’t know she did :-)) and challenged her to read it. I even bought the study guide and met with her to study it. We stopped meeting at about the fifth chapter and I don’t know it she’s ever touched it again. But it’s her’s—I wrote her name in it myself—and it’s there if she ever needs it. Who knows? My gift may help her tomorrow or five years from now. Don’t keep holding it and harping on yourself! Give it to someone that needs the message! Give it to them before they wreck their life with meaningless relationships! It’s never too late! I wish I could say that I gave Christine my copy—but I can’t. I’d still like to get it to her somehow—maybe that will be my New Year’s resolution for 2008. :-)

April 10, 2008 -- Just a note, I did loan my copy to Christine in January and it was very much appreciated. :-)

Part Five: Let it Be = Love3

Now we come to I Kissed Dating Goodbye, The Dating Trap, and Passion and Purity; even after my careful scouring, I have few problems with I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Joshua Harris is sound and honest and practical; most of what he says can be applied to everyday life. Plus, unlike other authors, he doesn’t cram his ideas down the reader’s throat and say that you must follow them or else die! :-) Ditto to The Dating Trap by Martha Rupert. I heartily recommend these two books to every person over fourteen.
Passion and Purity is a sweet story of Jim and Elizabeth Elliott’s romance; basically good with great suggestions. I have but one criticism and it is an important one. Jim tells Elizabeth that he loves her, yet, does not propose; he merely states that he is not sure if he is supposed to marry. “Well why did you say anything?!?” My mind shouts at him as I read. :-) Elizabeth writes that her own father told his sons never to say, “I love you” without following with “Will you marry me?” I probably would have been neatly blunt with him; some people need a firecracker lit under them. Jim, from what I can tell, was kind and nice but rather intense and seems to think over things too deeply. Later in the narrative, Elizabeth recalls speaking with Jim’s mother. “I helped Jim’s mother with the laundry one morning, and as she was hauling the sheets out of the machine she suddenly said, ‘I know these Elliott men. They can never make up their minds. If I were you I’d tell Jim it’s now or never.’ I knew very well what Jim’s answer would be: never. I would just as soon leave myself room for hoping. I felt annoyed at her advice. She was putting Jim in the same box with the rest of them, his father and two brothers. I was trying hard to believe that he had a better reason than merely being unable to make up his mind. His mother shook my confidence.”6 Well, golly, I wonder why? Could it be, that his mother was telling you what you knew all along, but refused to realize? I would think that as his mother, she knows a lot about him and a guy really cannot be that different from his father and brothers. Here’s what I think: if you’ve found the person you love and want to marry; get married as soon as possible. If you’ve found them, that would mean that God brought you together; don’t wait for Him to spell it in fireworks because He already has! Let it be and quit over-analyzing! You never know what might happen; Jim and Elizabeth were married for exactly two years and three months before he was killed by the Acua Indians. It was five years from the time Jim told Elizabeth he loved her until they finally got married. Looking back, I’m sure Elizabeth wished that Jim would have made up his mind faster. Here’s a conversation from the movie Rear Window, between L.B. Jeffries, (Jimmy Stewart) and his nurse Stella, (Thelma Ritter). “Stella: Look, Mr. Jeffries, I'm not an educated woman, but I can tell you one thing. When a man and woman see each other and like each other, they oughta come together—wham!—like a couple of taxis on Broadway, and not sit around analyzing each other like two specimens in a bottle. Jeff: There's an intelligent way to approach marriage. Stella: Intelligence! Nothing has caused the human race so much trouble as intelligence! Jeff: Now, we've progressed emotionally. Stella: Baloney! Once, it was see somebody, get excited, get married. Now, it's read a lot of books, fence with a lot of four-syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell the difference between a petting party and a civil service exam. Jeff: People have different emotional levels. Stella: When I married Miles, we were both a couple of maladjusted misfits. We are still maladjusted misfits, and we have loved every minute of it. Jeff: Well, that's fine, Stella. Now would you fix me a sandwich please?”7 Everyone ought to watch Rear Window; they might learn a thing or two. :-)