Guys

Young men are widely misunderstood—especially by young women...and especially, in the courtship movement. Most of the time, girls are completely clueless about guys and their feelings and, really, mystifyingly so. Take several friends of mine, for example, they seem totally and completely clueless about young men…yet most of them have brothers and/or are close to their fathers. It is as if they cannot believe that other men do indeed have similar feelings to that of their associates. There's a lot of talk about treating young men as brothers in Christ…but I don't think very many young ladies even understand or think about how to do that. These same friends are crazy about Vision Forum and Courtship and everything that goes with it―they can recite all the steps in their courtship plans (though they deny having one…have you ever noticed how courtship people deny having a plan yet still have one??) but really cares nothing about understanding guys. It’s so unfair. I have a father, brothers, guy cousins, and a few close guy friends—I’ve talked to them and I’ve studied them… and have come to the conclusion that my friends and all the girls like them are very mistaken about guys. Below is a list of mistaken beliefs and behaviors that I noted that many of them hold on to and my comments (if I have them) on the items noted.

—Girls with a strong courtship mindset often:


1. Seem afraid of guys; as if they think every young man they meet is going to want to marry them or at least try to ask them out.

I’ve known a lot of guys…as friends. Some are nice and some are kind of Charlie Sloanish (read the Anne of Green Gables books to see what I’m referring to) but not one of them has ever done anything that was truly startling. :-) It might have been annoying or even aggravating but nothing to be scared of or worried about. I just keep other people around when I’m talking to a guy...it’s not a big deal at all.

2. Don’t give guys a chance or the benefit of the doubt.

3. Have over-blown expectations about guys between the ages of 14-18 especially.

Do you really think he’s going to brave all and hasten to your rescue when he’s 16? Is he really going to be perfectly polished or romantic? This is your chance to be encouraging towards guys; they need your support. Just don’t expect perfection from them. You wouldn’t want them expecting you to be perfect all the time, would you?

At a homeschool convention that happened recently, there were a lot of young men who were trying to be “cool.” You know the type, acting like surfer dudes on the wrong beach. Maybe the reason they were acting like that, trying to be tough, was because they are terribly insecure. Adolescence is a tough enough time for young men even without heaping expectations upon them that they cannot measure up to. There is no way a normal guy can be everything Vision Forum wants them to be…I know there are guys who appear to be everything and more. But inside, they must feel hollow.

I've also noticed that at many conventions there are far more young women than young men attending and as I pondered this, I wondered....

Could all this “vision casting” be having a negative effect upon young men?

That’s a whole other post and I’m not sure that I have enough information to write it.

4. Don’t understand real love; it’s either sappy romance or having to make a formal decision...both things can be part of love but neither is all of it.

5. Don’t apply their knowledge gained from father/brothers/cousins to guys they are not related to.

6. Seem shy, cold, or rude towards young men in their effort to keep their distance.

7. Obsess over marriage but don’t understand what marriage is.

A lot of girls are in love with love or they want to have children. They don’t truly want to get married. I know they say they do…but they really don’t. My friends say (quite often) that they want to marry young and have lots of kids…but what they really talk about are the kids. The guy rarely comes into the discussion―they say nothing him and what they hope he’ll be like. When I think of marriage, words like; “being able to read his mind”, companionship, humor, and love come to mind—thoughts of children follow afterwards. I really like children but they’re not my motivation for wanting to get married.

If all you think about in marriage is children or mushy romance...then you’re not ready to marry.

Marriage is, to alter a Jack Sparrow quote, “It's not just a man and a woman and a house and some kids, that's what a marriage needs but what a marriage is... what a good marriage really is... is a miracle.”

8. Think that love can be turned off and on like a light switch.

Well-meaning family and friends have sadly been guilty of telling me that I should just pray “that God will take your feelings for so and so away .” And my response is, “What if He doesn’t want to take them away?” That always floors them :-)

9. Treat God like a vending machine… saying things like, “Well God gave me a desire for marriage so I’m sure I’ll get married really soon.”

Honey, you’ve got a lot to learn. God gives you desires and dreams to test you and is watching to see how you handle them. They are wonderful things but have to be handled properly to be of any use. Saying things like, “But what if God doesn’t want you to marry soon?” is always amusing. Especially, because the young lady normally cannot think of any reply to this but repeating the avowal in #9.

It’s also like saying, “God has given me the desire to have a handsome guy for my husband...so I’m sure my guy will be gorgeous!” Sheesh. And I always wonder, “What about the homely man with a beautiful heart?” (Elizabeth Elliot relates a conversation similar to this in Passion and Purity...I think.)

10. Are unwilling to even think about having to be bold with a guy at any time.

There are times when you’re going to need to make a move and go after your guy…they’re rare but they exist. Think Ruth. :-)

11. Think that there are very few nice guys out there.

The world is full of nice guys…stop being so pessimistic!

12. Thinks that guys are “heart-stealers”.

I've heard a speaker about courtship say, (I'll paraphrase) "If a young man comes to you after he's already stolen your daughter's heart then he can't court her." Many people seem to agree with this but my mind always yells: "STOLEN!!! What the heck?? The poor guy!! Who would want to marry your daughter… you, you reprobate!!" Ahem, anyway.... :-D

First off, there's that word. Steal. That means to take something without the owner's permission. God should be the owner of a person's heart and when a Christian young lady gives her heart to someone, it should be because it's God's will. There's no stealing involved. No one can force you to love someone anymore than anyone can force you to stop loving someone.

"It is mine to give to whom I choose…like my heart," – Arwen Evenstar, in the movie of The Fellowship of the Ring.

Understand this: your heart is a gift and you give it to whoever you choose. It cannot be stolen without your permission. So stop acting as if the exchanging of hearts is a robbery!

Then, there’s the obvious question: Do you honestly think that a normal young man actually tries to steal a girl's heart?

Do you think that a guy wakes up in the morning and thinks “I’ll make so and so fall in love with me today!”

Get real!

13. Think that all guys are Casanova heartbreakers that lead girls on.

A girl I knew once told me, "Any guy who leads a girl on and can't make a commitment is a jerk." I didn't agree with her then and I still don't now.

Because, I mean really, does a guy actually, purposely lead a girl on?

Think about it…if he knew what he was doing…would he actually do it?

I doubt it. In reality, I think most nice young men…the kind that are worth noticing…are just as nervous about girls as we are about guys. Maybe even more so…because after all, the guy is the one who has to lay his whole heart out on the line. Whenever he asks a girl out or talks to her Dad or asks her to marry him…he's giving her the chance to completely and totally wound him.

14. Use the excuse “he led me on!”

You can’t be lead anywhere unless you move your feet. Basically, unless he's asking you out, NEVER assume he likes you!


—And girls of any mindset seem to think:

15. That guys have no emotions.

I don’t know what idiot started that idea but womankind has been believing that’s it’s true for generations. For one thing, I can tell you that guys are sensitive and emotionally vulnerable―but they don’t talk about it all the time…if ever. Guys feel...deeply. I know they do. Have you ever seen a teenage boy after his team lost a ballgame and he thought it was his fault? Or when they’ve gotten really injured (but are trying to pretend they’re not really injured)? It’s worse for them...because they tend to stuff it and therefore, can suffer much more and for a longer time than girls. Stop seeing young men as shyster Casanova heart-stealers who are out to get you and start seeing them as human beings. They’re people too after all and have the same essential needs that girls have. Moreover, you may want to marry one someday and likely will end up being a mother... I think making an effort to understand guys is worth your time. So, give the guys a chance...before it's too late.

Ingrid


P.S. I don’t recommend books very often but if you need help understanding guys...this is a fairly good (clean) book: http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-About-Guys-Shouldnt-Secret/dp/0784715440/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196786739&sr=8-1

There are a few things I've discovered to be untrue or exaggerated in it but it's a good book to get you started being more empathetic towards young men. As with any self-help book though, it’s best to read it once and then refrain from referring to it unless you really need to. :-)

While the Fellowship is Faithful

"You would not ask me to break faith with him?” “No,” said Faramir. “But my heart would. For it seems less evil to council another man to break his troth than to do so oneself, especially if one sees a friend bound unwittingly to his own harm.”1

I’ve made decisions in my life. Not unusual. But one of them is to be loyal, in all things that matter but in point, to be faithful to a certain person. From this decision, I have discovered something. Other people have a problem with loyalty. Not their own―however, I suspect it is actually a reflection of their own―but with the loyalty of someone else. Now that I’ve clearly made this decision and am sharing it as a testimony—almost anyone that I tell of it will try as hard as they can to convince me to change my decision. Why do people act like this? If God has called me to loyalty and I’m fine with it and its effects…if it doesn’t bother me, why should it bother anyone else? I guess they care about me…but I’m happy and if it’s God’s will then it’s not going to kill me. I might get bruised a little but I’d rather God let me be bruised for His purposes than to be safe and boring…and disloyal―therefore, disobeying what I know God has called me to do. People fret and fume over me messing up my life...it actually gets rather funny at times. But really, they’re worrying over themselves; it’s a fear reaction of sorts, they are worried that their life might end up like mine. Stupid―since they’re not me―but true. When I’m trying to explain my position and how God is working in my life the thing I hate more than anything is the irrational, foolish advice I’m given when I don’t ask for it nor do I need it. Apparently, they’ve never heard this Lord of the Rings quote, which I’ve used on my blog before because it’s one of my favourites. "Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill. But what would you? You have not told me all concerning yourself; and how then shall I choose better than you?"2 I use Lord of the Rings as an example because it contains so many cases of people who have a chance to be unfaithful but decide to do the right thing. Nearly every character is given an opportunity to go their own way but chooses to go on with their mission; Frodo with the ring, Sam with his duty to Frodo, the Fellowship’s responsibilities to one another, Arwen’s devotion to Aragorn…and the list goes on. That’s what makes the Lord of the Rings such a perfect case in point. Moving on, I don’t often give advice but I will say this to all of you. When someone else is doing something that they are confident in (granted that’s it’s not a sin) but that you personally think is crazy, remember this: Don’t give them advice―for they do not need it and if they do they will ask. Pray for them instead––but not selfishly, meaning you shouldn’t pray that they’ll magically see things as you do but rather pray for God’s will––and don’t pity them. As a Lord of the Rings analyst–of sorts–writes, “Faithfulness is a mighty virtue, requiring stern character, but to see others struggling under the weight of it moves us as often to pity as to respect. When we have the opportunity to give council to such a one, we may do well to remember Gandalf’s admonition that “even the very wise cannot see all ends.” 3

Ingrid

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck,

Write them on the tablet of your heart.”

Proverbs 3:3.

Works Cited -

1. Frodo and Faramir, J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers, Book 4, Chapter 6.
2. Gildor Inglorian, J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Book I, Chapter III, Page 83.
3. Mark Eddy Smith, Tolkien’s Ordinary Virtues, Chapter 18 – Trustworthiness, Page 89.

Of Daughters of Destiny and Watered Down History

I was eleven or twelve when I first read several stories in Daughters of Destiny, written by Noelle Wheeler Goforth. Her father, Little Bear Wheeler, had been in our area at a home school convention and we purchased the book from him. Now, I like Little Bear; he’s a very entertaining storyteller and a neat guy. But, of course, Daughters of Destiny was also sold by Vision Forum, which is enough “to give sober men pause.” (Actually, I believe DOD is out of print now, as I cannot locate it on the Vision Forum or Mantle Ministries websites.) I liked Daughters of Destiny when I was younger...but there was always something missing. Now, I know what it is.... I do a lot of histrical research and some of my pet projects/interests have been Queens of England; such as Elizabeth I and Victoria. In Daughters of Destiny, there is a story about Victoria in the “Daughters of Royalty” section and it is full of conflicts with the actual historical record. While DOD paints Victoria’s Mother, the Duchess of Kent, as a kind, intelligent woman who wished to shield her daughter from the court—she was in actuality, quite a silly, unkind woman; being manipulative and domineering towards her only daughter. Daughters of Destiny avows that the reason that the Duchess of Kent kept Victoria near her at all times, even having Victoria sleep in her room up until the girl became Queen, was that "she believed that no nurse or governess, however skilled she might be, could take the place of a Mother."1 The truth is that Victoria did have a governess named Louise Lehzen who was far closer to her than the Duchess of Kent. And the real reason the Duchess was so involved in Victoria's life was because she was a control freak and was also hoping to become regent. Of course, Victoria turned eighteen before becoming Queen and one of the first things she did was ask that her bed be moved from her Mother's room. Unfortunately, Daughters of Destiny bypasses such conflicts entirely. Many other stories in Daughters of Destiny suffer from this saccharine portrayal and end up making the “heroines” look quite wimpy—when in fact, most of them were strong, courageous women. They are “wimpy” because they actually have nothing to triumph over—even if problems are mentioned there is no real conflict, only melodrama. As in the Queen Victoria story, their future is obviously happy from the first sentence. By smoothing out their stories and eliminating the villains and bumps in their roads, the historical women are reduced to being merely docile, boring creatures who just expect everything to have a happy ending. As James Loewen says of textbooks, “The stories that history textbooks tell are predictable; every problem has already been solved or is about to be solved. Textbooks exclude conflict or real suspense. They leave out anything which might reflect badly upon our national character. When they try for drama, they achieve only melodrama, because readers know that everything will turn out fine in the end.” 2 “The optimistic approach prevents any understanding of failure other than blaming the victim.... After a thousand pages, bland optimism gets pretty offending for everyone.” 3 These excerpts weirdly fit for a book written by a homeschooler for homeschoolers and that's rather discouraging. I thought we homeschooled people were supposed to pursue the truth not regurgitate the same old legends.

Now, this may not be all Noelle Goforth’s fault. I remember Little Bear saying something like, “I encouraged Noelle to use all of the girl books in our library to compile a book to encourage young ladies.” She must have used their personal library because in the bibliography, there are 16 sources listed (with only titles and dates—no author or publisher names, unfortunately, which would make tracking them easier), and of those sources I could only locate 4-5 in my tri-county library system. Why? Well, they were all written before 1935; nine were written before 1900, three between 1900-1910, one between 1910-1920, and three between 1930-1940. Fitting in with this, I also recall Little Bear recommending the buying of old books, written in the 1800's especially, because "they will have a biblical worldview." Now, there's nothing wrong with old books but you have to be careful with their take on history and life in general. Why? Because they moralize everything. As with Victoria's mother being held in honour, even though the historical record shows that she was far from saintly, the history books (especially the ones for children) tend to twist away from facts in an effort to moralize or make them melodramatic or just stick to legends that have been proven false. I don't know why they did that back then but I can tell you that books written after 1930-40ish have a greater chance of being accurate. The reason for this, I think, is that the authors decided to go back to the historical record of first-hand accounts, letters, and diaries while researching them. When I'm researching something, if I can't find copies of original documents and such, I always pick out books written sometime after 1930 to the present and I check their bibliographies for strong sources. For a good example of what you can find in older books, I have a book from 1922, about Queen Elizabeth I. In this volume, it asserts the Victorian idea that "women do not experience the slightest desire before marriage."4 That idea is laughable at best, infuriating at worst—all of such research has been proven wrong and was an entirely male assumption anyway. (Don't get me started on what I call, "The Victorian Repression Doctrine: tell women nothing about anything and leave them in ignorance and fear for the greater part of their lives. You know, they might think about things and that would just be wrong." No wonder women were so afraid of childbirth if no one told them what to expect! *rolling eyes*)

Older books are also terribly racist—not just to African Americans in regards to slavery but also to American Indians. In Daughters of Destiny, Pocahontas and Sacagawea are portrayed as good, which they were; but in other parts of the book, words such as "savages" and "red men" are also used in reference to Indians. I'm a European American but I don't like the white supremacist or Eurocentric viewpoints one bit—in anything—and especially not in "Christian" publications.

Martha Finley is given a glowing story in Daughters of Destiny and it is even said, "Because of the strong Christian content that surfaces throughout Elsie's life, Miss Finley was blackballed. She was ignored by contemporary critics and by such popular children's magazines of her day as St. Nicholas and Youths Companion." 5 First off, I doubt that she was blackballed because of the Christian content of the novels—as I've already said; almost all books for children in the ninetieth century were written with extremely moralistic views. So, I don't know why she was blackballed or if she even was…I can hope it had to do with the melodrama or racism in the Elsie books. Yes, there's racism in the Elsie Dinsmore series…does that really surprise you? Here’s an Elsie review if you're not familiar with these books or if you are and you don't believe me about the racism. http://www.keepersofthefaith.com/category/ElsieDinsmoreAnEnigma (I don't know anything about this site but I thought the review is quite interesting.)

Older books may be written from a biblical worldview but how can that help anything if they are incorrect in their facts or racist. Use them at your own risk and be very careful with any historical books recommended by Vision Forum. The Henty series, Beautiful Girlhood series, and many other old or historically-inspired books sold by Vision Forum have incorrect historical material and white supremacist overtones. They are also inclined towards "heroification" of historical figures. As a matter of fact, most of Vision Forum's and even Mantle Ministries' "historical" teachings are full of errors, legends, and Eurocentric assumptions. (Even though we're Americans most of us are technically European Americans and therefore, can still be Eurocentric.) Remember, a book (or even a lecture) can only be as good as its sources and Daughters of Destiny has very poor ones. The only reason I still have it is because I like some of the poetry selections—at least they can be taken at face value.

Definitions -

White supremacy: racial view; the view that white people are supposedly genetically and culturally superior to all other people or races and should therefore rule over them.

Eurocentric: Focusing on Europe; focusing on Europe or its people, institutions, and cultures, often in a way that is arrogantly dismissive of others.

1: Daughters of Destiny, Noelle Wheeler Goforth, page 130.
2: Lies my Teacher Told Me: Everything your American History Textbook Got Wrong, James
W. Loewen, Introduction, Page 5.
3: Ibid; Introduction, Page 6.
4. The Private Character of Queen Elizabeth, Chamberlin, Frederick.
5 Daughters of Destiny, Noelle Wheeler Goforth, page 208.
“That's the sort of thought that gives sober men pause” – Linus Van Pelt

Two books I recommend:

- Lies my Teacher Told Me: Everything your American History Textbook Got Wrong by James W. Loewen. I absolutely loved this book and it was a very fast read. Do keep in mind though, that you may not agree with everything Mr. Loewen says, mostly in the last few chapters. The sections on Columbus, Vietnam, the Reconstruction, and American Indians were very informative and intriguing.

- The Good Old Days: They were Terrible! by Otto Bettmann. If you're as tired of I am of people talking about "the good old days" especially homeschooled girls (mostly sighing about the clothes people used to wear) and patriarchy type people, then you'll love this book. Once you read it, you'll know what Solomon meant when he said, "Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions." Ecclesiastes 7:10.

Ingrid

Sheep in Need of Shepherd: Apply Within – Part Two

This builds upon my last post...so, if you're new I'd suggest reading Part One first.

"As the letters poured in, I realized that while God had graciously used my book to help some people, it had also raised a lot of questions…." "The main point of I Kissed Dating Goodbye was: "If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance." But now my fellow singles were asking, "How can you know when you are ready for marriage? And once you're ready, what should you do?" To be honest, I hadn't figured that out yet. I never meant to become an expert on relationships…."– Joshua Harris, Boy Meets Girl. 1
Okay, I do appreciate Josh Harris. I like his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye; it helped bring people back to common sense. It's a big duh to me that if you're not ready to get married, (basically between the ages of 14 and 18, most people would agree that you're not going to marry at 15!) it's smart just to abstain from romantic relationships. Just wait until you're more mature and can handle the pressures. Smart. Great Idea. Bravo Josh for having some sense. Now, back to the subject at hand, Josh had some major sheep writing to him. No, I'm not being mean, I'm stating a fact. Why would anyone be so needy as to feel the have to contact the author of the book for advice on their romantic relationships? Why did Josh even write Boy Meets Girl? All I would have said is: "Sorry, guys, you're going to have to make it up as you go. Read your Bible and talk to God. Be an adult and use your head." No one can lead you by the hand as you grow up. That's something I've learned more and more as I become an adult. One thing I've learned is to rarely ask for advice, to rarely accept advice, and to only give advice when pressed. It's not to be cocky or because I think that I'm above other's advice…it's that experience tells me to listen to God and my own instincts. As I was reading Lord of the Rings, I was reminded of this by a certain quote. "Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill. But what would you? You have not told me all concerning yourself; and how then shall I choose better than you?" 2 Advice is a dangerous gift. Use it wisely.
Back to Josh Harris, why did he write Boy Meets Girl? I can think of a few reasons…the chief one being…uh, money. The first book sold well…people seem to need guidance…a new book will likely do very well…it's tempting to write more. Do you really blame him? Well, I guess I do. Personally, I wish he'd stopped while he was ahead. Courtship and Dating are so complicated that writing a book about how to do it will always be controversial and subject to lots of criticism. Well, it should be; because, there is no correct way, there is no easy way, and there is no method for success. Love is not a thing that you can diagram like a weather pattern. You don't wake up in the morning and think, "I'll fall in love today and it'll all work out beautifully." If you read a love story somewhere, you may as well say, "Well, it won't happen to me like that,"—because it won't. No two stories are ever exactly alike. You could live for a hundred years, travel the earth, hear many stories, and still not have scratched the surface of possibilities. The Gospel doesn't give us a list of do's and don'ts—it gives us principles for life and everything attached to it and that's called flexibility. God knew that rules don't work for everything and part of his plan is to make every person's story different. Love is a strange thing. "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand. The way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden."3 If the Proverb writer could not understand it…you're not going to be able to either. But when the time comes, God will give you understanding and then you'll know what it's all about. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."4

Ingrid

1: Joshua Harris, Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship, Moltnomah Publishers, 2000. Quotation from Chapter 1, page 19.
2: Gildor Inglorian, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Book I, Chapter III, Page 83.
3: Proverbs 30: 18-19.
4: Matthew 6:34.

Sheep in Need of Shepherd: Apply Within – Part One

Many people in this world are like sheep, needing a shepherd. They have to be led. They have to follow what someone else says. They settle for second best. History shows this in every era. "What is has already been, and what will be has been before."1 Only a few people are brash enough to seize the leading position and only a few people are brave enough to stand up against them. The rest follow like sheep to slaughter. People like Doug Phillips show up every few years, proclaiming that they hold the answer and encouraging the populace to "think for themselves." In actuality, they are taught to think, talk, and reason like their leader. They have no minds of their own and are constantly looking for guidance. All their young men and women can recite is the gospel according to Doug Phillips and his minions. They are taught to believe that every word he says is true. That what he believes is the right and true thing. "Just because you are taught somethin's right, and everybody believes that it's right, it don't make it right."2 What a tremendous weight to put upon a sinful human being. I pity Doug Phillips and Scott Brown and Jonathon Lindvall and Little Bear and Mr. Botkin and his daughters and the Harris Twins and their brother Josh and everyone else in a "position of honour." Someday, these mere mortals will pass away and will go back to dust as all things do in their time. What happens to the sheep then? Their shepherd is gone… where will they go? Why must people be lead from one place to another? And Christians too! People that claim to be followers of Christ! Just who are you following? Jesus or someone else? Are you living according to His words or by a mere mortal's words? They're going to die eventually and so are you. Will what they say even matter in 50 years time? Yeah, patriarchy people are trying to extend themselves beyond their years…but I don't think it'll work. They're not God. They're not even close and neither is anyone else. "As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?" So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?"3 People do need guidance. It's a fact. But the only guidance that you or I need comes from the Good Shepherd. It's amazing how, if every day, you spend quality time reading your Bible and praying and trusting in God—you don't need any other books. It's as if your need for guidance just drains away and if you do need direction, you look to your Bible and prayer before anything or anyone else. Don't ever put anyone in Jesus' place as your Shepherd.

The Shepherd and His Flock – John 10:1-18

"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." Jesus used this figure of speech, but they did not understand what he was telling them.
Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.
"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father."

Ingrid

- Works Cited -
1: Ecclesiastes 3:15.
2: Jim, The Adventures of Huck Finn, Walt Disney Pictures, 1993.

3: Ecclesiastes 3:18-22.

Happy Birthday Mr. Lincoln

A Few Quotes...



"In regard to this Great Book, I have but to say, it is the best gift God has given to man. All the good the Savior gave to the world was communicated through this book."



"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day."



"Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them."



"I have never studied the art of paying compliments to women; but I must say that if all that has been said by orators and poets since the creation of the world in praise of women were applied to the women of America, it would not do them justice for their conduct during this war. I will close by saying, God bless the women of America!"



"Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today."



Ingrid



1:The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume VII, "Reply to Loyal Colored People of Baltimore upon Presentation of a Bible" (September 7, 1864), p. 542.



2:Lincoln Observed: The Civil War Dispatches of Noah Brooks edited by Michael Burlingame (Baltimore, Johns Hopkins University Press, 1998), p. 210.



3: Lincoln and the Civil War In the Diaries and Letters of John Hay selected by Tyler Dennett (New York, Da Capo Press, 1988), p. 143.



4:The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume VII, "Remarks at Closing of Sanitary Fair, Washington D.C." (March 18, 1864), p. 254.



5:The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume II, "Notes for a Law Lecture" (July 1, 1850?), p. 81.

By Their Fruits You Will Know Them

Recently, I happened to find Vision Forum's mission statement:
(Sorry, Blogger wouldn't let me make the picture any larger...so you'll have to click on it to read)

The Mission of Vision Forum Ministries



Posted by Doug Phillips on December 22, 2008




Nice ideas. Really, they are. They've got some nice thoughts going on there.



But, uh, see anything missing?



Let me rephrase that… see anyone missing?



That's right.



There’s no mention of Jesus Christ.



Try clicking around on their website… Have you found Him?



He's there…but…only in some passing references.




You could argue that a company relationship to Christ is implied…but why trust only in an implication?




On the webpage of any organization that calls themselves a ministry—Jesus should be easy to find.




But He’s not even in Doug Phillips’ welcome note.




To me, that's a warning sign and a big problem.




The teachings of Vision Forum have become a religion for some families. Religion, as the dictionary tells us, can mean several things. Two of which are: beliefs and worship or a system, an order of doing things. In Vision Forum's case, it is a system. Some systems of religion are nice, if they further the effect of the gospel. But if they do not…they will hinder the gospel. Sometimes to us, that is, the people placed upon this earth, I think that the Gospel of Jesus Christ can seem too simple to us. "There has to be something else, something more complicated," we say, "Give us a set of rules to live by…something that we can work on and for in our Christian lives." But, you see, that's where the simplicity comes in. To be a Christian, all you have to do is believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and confess that God did indeed raise Him from the dead…and you are saved and have become a child of God. We're always trying to inject "works" into the mix. Because, here on earth, if you want something…you work for it; it's never free and love must be earned…not given unconditionally. However, with God, things are different. He is a just God and expects you to try to meet His standards but His love is unconditional and free. I think the people of Jesus' day had trouble with what He said because it was so obvious and simple…and that's not what the religious leaders were teaching or had been teaching for many years. The Law is complicated and it is impossible to not break the rules. That's why Jesus came…to free us from our sin and also from the Law. Back to Vision Forum…that's a nice order of doing things…a nice religion. But unless a ministry is founded and based and immersed in the simplicity of the Gospel…I am not interested in their form of Christianity. I will not buy anything from a company that claims to be a ministry and yet, does not mention Jesus Christ in its welcome. Spreading and teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ should be at the top of their mission statement. No matter what else they stand for, if Jesus is not at the head of their table, at the heart and root of their plans, then not one of their ten "missions" is worthy of consideration.

- Matthew 7:15-29 - New Living Translation -

- A Tree and its Fruit -

“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves. You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.
21 “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’
24“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
28 When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, for he taught with real authority—quite unlike their teachers of religious law.

Ingrid

A quick definition...
Bombastic, n. - pompous language; language that is full of long or pretentious words, used to impress others.

Grace's New Blog

Grace has a new blog. Please visit: Betsy, Tacy, and Tib.

How Maddening...

Try to be a voice of reason and get ignored. Sob...sob...sob.

I tried to post this comment on someone's blog where young ladies were raving about Christa Taylor clothes and acting as if they've never seen modest clothes before...and my comment wasn't posted. *Sob* :-D Anyway, here it is:

"Um, ladies, you act as if you've never been able to buy modest clothes before. They've been around for years. :-) Modesty isn't just about being covered...it's about wearing nice, pulled-together outfits. I'm surprised that people who beg for modesty haven't worked harder to bring the preppy look back in. Christa Taylor's collection looks very similar to say... American Eagle's fall/winter collection. CT's tops are too short and too tight; modesty doesn't mean painted on. Nor does it mean "let's try to fit in with the rest of the world by wearing the same loud, obstreperous stuff." Not very classy. Try Brooks Brothers 346 or J Peterman. Prep rocks."


Oh well, I tried. Why is it that people never want to hear the other side?

Guess the Song

Guess which song is from a secular label and which is from a Christian label.

Song 1 –

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere
You're everywhere

Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look you're never there
And every time I sleep you're always there

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

I am not alone

And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath it's you I breathe
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see
So tell me

Do you see me?


Song 2 –

Dream is fading, now I'm staring at the door

I know it’s over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain't feelin what I seeIt's no mystery
Whatever happened to a passion I could live for
What became of the flame that made me feel more
And when did I forget that...

Chorus
I was made to love you
I was made to find you
I was made just for you
Made to adore you
I was made to love
And be loved by you
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said you'd keep me
Never would you leave me
I was made to love and be loved by you

The dream's alive with my eyes opened wide
Back in the ring you've got me swinging for the grand prize
I feel the hate is spittin’ vapors on my dreams
But I still believe
I'm reachin’ out, reachin’ up, reachin’ over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And daddy I'm on my way
Cause I was made to love...

Anything I would give up for you
Everything, I'd give it all away
(Repeat 3x)
I was made to love you
I was made to adore you, made just for you
(Repeat 3x)











Answer – Song #2 is from the Christian label. Yeah, the one where the guy sounds like he's singing about a girl. It's Toby Mac.

Song #1 is by Michelle Branch. Maybe she doesn’t mean it to be a Christian song, but that’s what it’s always been to me. She can really rock too. :-)







My point: Give other artists a chance…even ones from non-Christian labels. Christian music these days is drivel or as my brother and I like to say, "It sounds like a coyote sitting on a blender." By the way, I know people that have worked with Christian artists and have heard their stories. Believe me…these artists are not saints. You should also know that CCM is regarded as an “easy in” to the music business. I can tell some stories myself about certain “Christian” artists and their “all about me” attitudes at concerts. Example, I’ve always appreciated Michael W. Smith’s music but ever since I went to a concert of his, I’ve been uninspired. When he came out the song, “Here I Am” from his Stand album (which was ho-hum compared to Live the Life) kept playing over and over. Finally, there he was and he…was…full…of…it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone act more conceited. (And I’ve been to many concerts…Christian and non) He should have been singing that song called "I'm The Greatest" it would have fit better. :-D It really turned me off. I still appreciate his music but I don’t care about the man at all anymore and I haven’t bought any new music. So, anyway, Christian music is a minefield these days. You’re better off listening to the classics. Like the Beatles.

Ingrid

Sad but True

Not all Fathers are warm and loving.






Some might even try to lead you to the dark side.


:-D


(Dad, you're excluded from this. :-) )

The Way of a Man with a Maid

I've been reading this online book, by Robin Phillips.

The Way of a Man with a Maid ~ A Response to the Courtship & Betrothal Movements

http://www.users.waitrose.com/~robinphillips/Way%20of%20a%20Man%20with%20a%20Maid.htm

It's very interesting because I can see parallels in Gothard's teaching with all the Vision Forum stuff and Lindvall's teaching is very similar to that of the Botkin's and also Emotional Purity. Hmmm... I guess this junk has been around for longer than I thought! Maybe Heather Paulson got her ideas and material from several of the authors mentioned in this book? It bears some consideration.

What do you think?

Ingrid

Re: Let it Be = Love3

I could tell you how busy I’ve been this summer but since you don’t know me anyway…who really cares. :-D Anyway, here’s a tidbit that I find interesting. It happened about a month ago and I just wanted this to be more visible to regular readers. I’ve had really interesting comments on my blog…some I haven’t posted….but may use in an article at some later date.

This is a comment and my reply to it—referring to my Let it Be = Love3 essay, part 7. http://ingridgraceandaudrey.blogspot.com/2007/10/part-seven-let-it-be-love3.html

Jonalee said,
I just briefly skimmed your post here about Josh's book Boy Meets Girl. I have to say that my husband and I are "David and Claire" in chapter 4. All of what you read is true and the reason we had a helicopter take us from our reception was because my husband's good friend is a pilot and hooked him up with a good deal (which his dad helped pay for by the way). No, not everyone get's "whisked away by a helicopter". But if that's all you take from our story, you've missed the point.

So, I wrote,
:-) I'm glad to hear it. The point of my article is that all courtship stories are different and that young people shouldn't expect their story to be like anyone else's. The only things that remain the same about relationships are boy + girl = love & marriage. And young people should not expect their sweetheart to do anything really expensive or far-out in order to have a memorable courtship and/or wedding. If you really love someone you'd marry them at City Hall if you had too. Your courtship story was great and very sweet...but I'm just a simplistic person and the way Josh Harris wrote about your wedding made it sound a bit too...over the top. I'm sorry to pain you but there it is. I'm happy that you were able to afford a helicopter... but Josh Harris made it sound... too perfect... I wish he'd said what you said. It's like the difference between watching a perfectly glossy scene in a movie where the heroine's hair is perfectly in place and her make-up is perfect, even though things are blowing up around her and then watching the behind the scenes where the actress says that the corset under her costume was making her dizzy from lack of air, the hair style had to be re-done between every take, and her mascara was running and had to be washed off and re-done every five minutes. Writers of these type of books need to be blatantly honest...it's okay to "flower-up" a novel but writers shouldn't flower-up real life...and they need to state over and over that this is just one story and that everyone's story will be different. I'm tired of the authors never saying that. Why? Because I'm concerned that young people (or their parents) take these stories and believe that their (or their children's) future will or should look like that...and that belief, I know from experience, can cause a lot of pain. Sometimes, people who are married forget how much singles hang on every word in these books and stories...they need to remember what it felt like to be 14 and impressionable. You should have taken the time to read the rest of my essay...not just skimmed one part. :-)

Ingrid

Don’t pick on “Claire” in your comments please. :-)

The Questions They Ask

For as long as I can remember, my grandparents have been there for me. I do love them very dearly. However, they have always asked many questions… usually repeatedly. This is a list of questions that my mom has been asked, I have been asked (up to "Age 19"), and/or questions that I anticipate being asked in the next ten years. :)



Age 1 day: “When is she going to sleep through the night?”

Age 1: “When is she going to be potty trained?”

Age 2: “When is she going to start preschool?”

Age 4: “When is she going to start school? What is homeschooling?”

Age 13: “Where is she going to high school? Can you still teach her at home?”

Age 14: This is about the time when the big college questions start. “What are you going to do in college? Where are you going to college?”

Age 15: “When are you going to start driving? When are you getting your driver’s license?”
This age is also the start of “When are you getting a car? Don’t you want your own car?” My answer (that silenced my grandpa for a while): “Sure, you can just buy me a VW Beetle- light blue or red, and then pay for the insurance, maintenance, and gas and I will drive it!”

Age 16: “Is she going to prom?”

Age 17: If you are still undecided about college, (and almost everyone is) they become very anxious and the college questions become more frequent. “What are you going to study in college? Where are you going?” Well, to the same place you asked last month- “The College of the Undecided.”[1]

Age 18: "Is your (Homeschool) high school diploma valid, I mean... does it really signify that you graduated from high school?" :)

Age 19: College is settled now… so you can guess what comes next! :) “Do you know any boys? When are you going to go out with a boy? Why don’t you date?” My answer: “Well, I’m not really interested in boys right now. In a few years I will find a nice man and get married.” Response from grandparents: “You have to date before you can get married” and “You’re too young to get married.” :) Note: My new response will be "I'm as old as you were when you got married."



Married (unknown age): When are you going to have a baby?

After having 2 children in a period of two to four years: “You do know how babies come, right?”


After having 3-4 children (at this point they freak out): “When are you going to stop having children?” and “Don’t you think #__ is enough?”

~Grace

[1] Quote from the Movie “What a Girl Wants,” 2003

Better Ways to Spend the Summer

If you read any of the "self-help" books, then you begin to analyze everything and end up thinking more and more about yourself and your problem(s) and not about God and other people. Whereas if you would just keep busy with helping others and reading other books (i.e. about real things and classic fiction) then you wouldn't have time to need the "self-help" books because you are too busy to think about yourself. Believe me, it works.

Recommended Summer...

Reading:

Fiction:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.
The Sarah's Journey series by Wanda Luttrell.
Emma by Jane Austen.
Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens.
The Betsy-Tacy series by Maud Hart Lovelace. (Including Carney's House Party.)
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain.
The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien.
Shakespeare's Plays and Poems.
The Anne of Green Gables series by L.M. Montgomery.
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie.
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare.
Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes.
The Liza, Bill, and Jed series by Peggy Parish.

Non-Fiction:
My Story by Ingrid Bergman and Robert Burgress.
Catherine the Queen by Mary M. Luke.
A Crown for Elizabeth by Mary M. Luke.
Gloriana: The years of Elizabeth I by Mary M. Luke.
Anastasia: The Riddle of Anna Anderson by Peter Kurth
All the Presidents Men by Bob Woodward and Carl Burnstein. Also the sequel, "The Final Days.". (There is some language in these but oh well.)
Paul Revere and the World He Lived In by Esther Forbes.
The Bible.
Various Autobiographies of Interesting People.

DVD Airings:
Casablanca
Chariots of Fire
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Little Women (1994)
The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew TV series from the 1970's.
Anastasia (starring Ingrid Bergman)
Ever After (great score (music) as well)
What a Girl Wants
Hairspray (2007)
Emma (with Gwyneth Paltrow)
The Original Star Wars Trilogy
Gone with the Wind
Enchanted
Follow Me Boys
Gummi Bears series
Summer Magic
Elizabethtown

And when you're done with all that...go hiking or something. :-D

I think that this is how people lived in the past...they kept very busy and didn't have time to analyze things. We could all learn a thing or two from them. :-)

Just wondering.... And waiting.

If you have been reading the papers, no doubt you know of what has been going on in Texas for the past week. (If you don't just type "Texas Cult" into the Google news search...and prepare to throw up.) It's enough to make you sick...it makes my stomach hurt...and it also makes me really mad. "This is a sick world we live in! With sick people!"

A couple questions:

1: Where is Vision Forum's statement? (They are ready to comment on Virginia Tech but not on something in their own state? It's actually about 160 miles north-west of San Antonio.)

2. I believe that some of the victims were taken to San Antonio. Is Vision Forum making any effort to help these women and children?

Just I thought I'd ask...not that Vision Forum or their friends ever respond. *sigh* Badly done, Vision Forum. Badly done.

Ingrid

Should Women Vote?

Should women vote?

Must we listen to those that say that it is unnecessary? (Yes, Patriarchy people I'm looking at you!)

I'm not going waste time arguing with anyone; because this quote says all that I need to say.

"I find it poor logic to say that women should vote because they are good. Men do not vote because they are good; they vote because they are male, and women should vote, not because we are angels and men are animals, but because we are human beings and citizens of this country." ~ Jo March, Little Women, 1994.

There.

End of story.

Serving Your Father vs. Serving God

While I was doing some research for various ideas this morning, I stumbled onto post by the Botkin sisters (most of which appears below). By the time I had read half of the lengthy post, I was quite irritated and started writing as you can see below :).

Excerpts from: ~Authoritative Parents, Adult Daughters, and Power Struggles~
Italics are original article by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

“The sign of our maturity and adulthood is when we willingly submit ourselves to God-given authority and therefore to God Himself. This is a struggle, and it requires strength, wisdom, responsibility and spiritual maturity.”

Why must parents come first in the Botkin’s minds? Everything in the following article is parents first, God later.

“An adult daughter, raised well by conscientious parents, will be able to think, will know how to live sensibly, will be discerning and self-controlled and self-disciplined, and will be wise and have understanding that may, in some areas, exceed that of her parents.”

Okay, I really do not have any problems with the beginning of this, until you get to the last few words “and have understanding that may, in some areas, exceed that of her parents.” My first thought is yes, we should be able to always have a gift from God that enables us to know something a little more than our parents. Ingrid loves history and Latin; she loves to stump our family with history questions and funny Latin phrases. I am a student nurse, so that automatically makes me the “medical encyclopedia” of the family. Whenever my family has a twinge, burn, or sprain, I am always the one that diagnoses their ailment. It can get quite funny at times: “No, sorry Ingrid, your arm will not heal from its sprain for 4-6 weeks, and it may take up to 6 months.” :) It should be expected that a child, as soon as he or she starts to learn, that they will learn something that the parents do not know. I love and respect my parents, but to put it bluntly: Parents do not know everything there is to know in the world! In fact, no human being knows everything. God is the only one who knows everything there is to know! The Botkin girls make it sound like you are sinning if you happen to get a little smarter than your parents.

“The sign of maturity isn’t that we simply “obey” our parents’ commands, but that we understand deeply what our parents’ hearts and goals are, and can anticipate and even exceed what they expect of us.”

A while ago, my dad wrote me a note that said what his goals were for Ingrid and me when we grew up. Some of them were that we would have a mature faith, be a wife and mother, serve others, and never be afraid to say what was right. I treasure that note and as I look back, it has nothing selfish about “serving me and your mother” or “giving up what God wants you to do to serve me.”

“The mature daughter is the one that takes the initiative and says, “Dad, what time would you like me to get up? I know that spending time with your family before you leave for work is important to you, and I love that about you… so how can I help make it happen?” This is one thing that makes us different from mindless automatons with no wills of our own (which some girls seem mortally afraid of becoming.)”

Well, maybe the Botkin girls like to get up at the crack of dawn, but please let me stay in bed until at least 7 am! (Unless I have to leave for clinicals at a hospital at 6am). Even my dad loves to sleep in when he is off, I do not think it is necessary to shave or dress your father, or be up early to serve your father. To put it bluntly (in fact, I am hardly ever blunt; just ask Ingrid) why does it matter? If I want to be mature, all I have to do is ask my dad what time he wants me to get up in the morning?? If I asked my dad (at the age of almost 19) what time he wanted me to get up in the morning, he would start laughing. I should know by now! :)

Where do the Botkin girls come up with such ridiculous words, such as “automatons”? The first word I thought of was robot (which is correct-why can’t they just say robot?), then I thought of auto-matrons, as in an automatic robot matron that does whatever her husband says. I do have one thought: if you are not mature enough to know what time to get up (and that may just be an example on the Botkin’s behalf-but a poor example at that), and you must ask your father… you are a “mindless automaton”!! I save my precious conversations that I have with my dad for much more intelligent topics. :)

“In our household, five of our seven children (all unmarried and living at home) are adults; four of us are in our twenties. Three of us have written books. Four of us have begun our own business. Two of us have our “own” ministry. Five of us speak at conferences. All of us have education and expertise in areas that exceeds that of our parents in multiple areas. But we don’t use these facts as an excuse to “outgrow” our parents. We use these things as tools to advance our parents. To build on their vision. To establish their authority. To proclaim their names in the gates. We all have taken our father’s vision and made it our own. This knitting together of our minds, hearts, and gifts has forged us together into one powerful weapon for Christ’s glory and Kingdom. Together, we are ten times more fruitful and effective than we each would be, separated from our parents’ unifying vision.”

So: according to the Botkin’s, for our parents we are “to build their vision, establish their authority,” and “to proclaim their names in the gates. (bold added for effect)” Where do I begin?!? 1 Peter 4:11 says, “If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. (bold added for effect)” According to the Bible (not Botkin’s) we are to build God’s vision, establish God as the supreme authority, and proclaim His name to everyone around us! Is that not a brave and magnificent task?

Has no one in these “serve father” groups ever read the Gospels? Jesus left his earthly father and mother and preached. His disciples left their families too. In Matthew 8: 21-22, “Another disciple said to him, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus told him, ‘Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead'." Matthew 4:21-22 says, “Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.”

“We only invest time in developing those gifts that will render us most useful to our Creator and King. This means dying to ourselves; it means sacrificing our personal interests and agendas. Ultimately, it means losing our lives so that we may find them. But that is the Christian life.”

Okay, this sounds promising, but wait… the look at the part about “dying to ourselves” again. If we die to ourselves and give up what we want to do in life, then we are following God, according to the Botkin’s philosophy. This makes little sense when you look at the big picture. As Ingrid says, “God gave all of us talents and abilities. If we sacrifice them, what do we have left to serve Him with?” I searched the entire Bible at http://www.biblegateway.com/, with the words “serve”, “father”, “children”, and “daughter.” I never found a verse that said “children must serve their father and/or parents, I did find:

“And ye know that with all my power I have served your father.” ~Genesis 31:6~
This is in the story of Jacob serving Laban for his daughters Rachel and Leah. If you know this story as well as I do, you know that Jacob served Laban 7 years for his daughter Rachel. Laban was dishonest and gave Jacob his other daughter Leah instead. Jacob did get Rachel as a wife, about a week later, but as a result, he had to serve Laban for another 14 years. I don't think that that is a great reason to serve your father.

“Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD.” Joshua 24:14 KJV. There are many verses just like this one in the Old Testament about serving the Lord, not the fathers.

“If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.” John 12:26 KJV. These are Jesus’ words! We are to follow and serve Jesus to honor God, who is our heavenly Father. Of course, through following Jesus, we are also blessing our parents and honoring them.

“We need to see the liberty inside this grand vision, rather than looking for license outside it. Instead of repining all the things we may have to give up (e.g. “my life,” “my space,” “my time,” “my dreams,” “my schedule,” “my way,” “my friends,” etc.), we should say “good riddance” to useless, selfish, autonomous “adulthood,” and mature into loving the joy, productivity and adventure that is life in a Christian family unit.”

Jesus said “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10: 37.
If we are to serve the Lord, then we are to do what He wants. Sometimes, that can be through our parents, but sometimes it is thinking outside the box! I have my own schedule when school starts, but so do my homeschooled siblings and my parents. I am not being “selfish” if I am following my plan that was designed by God, not by my parents. My time is precious to me; when my homework and studying are done, I love playing games with my siblings, doing paperwork for my dad, cleaning something for my mom, and talking with Ingrid. I have my own “dreams,” but why should not we have dreams? Do the Botkin girls “dream” of getting married and having children? I do, and there is nothing wrong with that!

In fact, the more I think about it, it is really the fathers who are being selfish. They are blocking their daughters from following God by teaching them to be automatons.

“Observation three: A father can’t communicate properly with a daughter he cannot fully trust in. His heart can’t fully trust in you until he knows he has your hearts.”

This is a lie. It never says this in the Bible, so it sounds like more Botkin philosophy. I have not given my heart to anyone (yet!), and my dad still trusts me that I am not going to do something morally wrong and against our Christian faith.

“You’ve probably heard many times that you need to “give your heart to your parents.” What does it actually mean to give your parents your heart? The heart, called “the seat of the affections,” is the source of all passions, desires, loves, interests, likes and dislikes, convictions and opinions. Proverbs 23:26 says, “Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways.”

The Botkins put the Proverbs verse there to make you think that "Oh, it's in the Bible... so I have to do it." But they don't put the second part of the verse, because in the bible, it's a comma-- not a period that ends Proverbs 23:26. Verse 27 states, "for a prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well." You have to read a verse in context sometimes to understand the full meaning. It seems that this verse is trying to say that you need to guard your heart and your emotions against sinful behaviors.

Two other verses that stuck out as I read Proverbs 23, were 15 and 19.
(15) "My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad;" (19) "Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path." It seems that these verses are speaking more to purity and intelligence.

“God wants our hearts and all that they contain to be surrendered to our parents – and ultimately to God – to be molded and directed. Making yourself vulnerable in this way requires Trust. You must trust your parents, that they ultimately desire what is best for you, and that they are qualified to lead you and guide you simply because they are your parents chosen by God to raise you.”

I love in this part how “God wants” something, but then you must “surrender to parents,” then surrender “ultimately to God.” Why are the parents first? I have given my heart to God, not to my parents. I try very hard to trust Him every day in His plans for my life. Last year, when I was waiting to be accepted into my nursing program I prayed, “Dear God, if it is your will, allow me to be chosen for this nursing program. If you want me to be a nurse, I will follow your plans for me and what you want me to do with my life for you.” It was a humbling and trusting prayer, I prayed it daily, sometimes more than once a day. Finally, when I was accepted, I felt God’s assurance, that I was following his plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 says “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’.” God has wonderful plans for our lives; we must follow Him and Him alone!

I feel so sorry for girls who are stifled by this teaching. We are also designed by God and have varying purposes, but if we just trust our parents to do what they think is best, we are not taking initiative and acting as adults.

“It also requires Faith. Faith that God will lead you through your parents, imperfect though they are. And faith in God’s promised blessings for your obedience.”

Back to above, why are girls taught to follow parents and not God? The Botkin girls say “God will lead you through your parents” where in the Bible does it say that??

“When your parents have your heart you will truly “delight in their ways.” You will love what they love, hate what they hate, and desire their approval and company and even “think their thoughts after them.””

The thought of not having my own opinion in any matter is shocking. :) Can you imagine believing that your parents are right about everything and that you will be so taken in that you “love what they love, hate what they hate, and desire their approval and company and even ‘think their thoughts after them’.” The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That means parents and children alike! It seems that the Botkins and other families have set up their parents as idols to worship and adore.

This is called “seeking after the hearts of your parents” just as King David was “a man after God’s own heart.”

“So Jesus is supposed to be after Joseph’s own heart?” Ingrid was rather irritated when I read her the above. :) King David was “a man after God’s own heart” this has nothing to do with “seeking after the hearts of your parents” which, by the way, where is that in the Bible? In Acts 13: 20-22 it says, "After this, God gave them judges until the time of Samuel the prophet. Then the people asked for a king, and he [God] gave them Saul son of Kish, of the tribe of Benjamin, who ruled forty years. After removing Saul, he [God] made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my [God’s] own heart; he will do everything I want him to do’.” It is misleading to quote verses meant for glory and honor of God and to then twist them and give them a new meaning to support your article and beliefs. Just read Jesus’ words in Mark 9:42 "And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.”

Similarly, your parent’s hearts should be able to trust in you, as it says in Proverbs 31, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…” This means that they will have confidence in your obedience, when they are watching and when they’re not, that you will demonstrate loyalty to them and to every thing they have taught you, in what you speak and do, in public and in private."

That Proverbs 31 verse is referring to a wife’s heart being with her husband…not with the parents! I am so sick of people taking verses out of context! The above verse in Proverbs 31 has nothing to do with giving a girl’s (or child’s) heart to parents.

When I read the above article, I was astonished. Why are people following and listening to the twisted teachings of the Botkin girls? God told us to in Exodus 20:12 to “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” That verse does not tell you to serve your father! The Bible also tells us to serve the Lord numerous times: in Deuteronomy, Joshua, Psalms, Jeremiah, Zephaniah, Ephesians, etc.... When Satan is tempting Jesus in Matthew 4:10, “Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only’”” (from Deuteronomy 6:13). Jesus understood the importance of serving God, not men. Colossians 3:23 states, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” It is one thing to “serve your father,” but it much more important to serve God! He should always come before your parents and His word should not be abused as to suggest otherwise.

Grace

Works Cited:

“Authoritative Parents, Adult Daughters, and Power Struggles” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. Accessed on January 10, 2008, from: http://visionarydaughters.com/2007/05/authoritative-parents-adult-daughters-and-power-struggles

What Are They For?

A few weekends ago, at a family Christmas party, I watched my eighteen-year-old cousin Christine and felt very empathetic towards her. She had just recently broken up with her boyfriend—or he broke up with her—all I know is, my aunt told us before she arrived not to mention boys or dating. Christine looked so sad and it was apparent that she was suffering. I too have suffered from broken friendships…mostly with other girls…for a variety of reasons…so, to some degree, I can understand what she’s going through. As I watched her, I thought, “That’s what ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ is for—it’s for people like Christine that wouldn’t consider skipping dating—merely because they haven’t thought it out. I was raised in a conservative Christian home and my parents trained me to believe that dating around is a waste of time. ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ just showed my why striving for that outline is a good choice. So, what are the ‘self-help’ books for? They are for people that need to think. That need to try to meet the ideals half-way. That need the practical twist. They are only for us ‘christianhomeschoolededucatedonJoshHarrisand
LittleBearsincetheageofthreepeople’ in the sense of helping us see why we believe what we believe and do what we do. Don’t you see? It’s not about perfecting ourselves! It’s about sharing the book with people that need it! I’ve done that: I gave it to a friend that that needed it (but didn’t know she did :-)) and challenged her to read it. I even bought the study guide and met with her to study it. We stopped meeting at about the fifth chapter and I don’t know it she’s ever touched it again. But it’s her’s—I wrote her name in it myself—and it’s there if she ever needs it. Who knows? My gift may help her tomorrow or five years from now. Don’t keep holding it and harping on yourself! Give it to someone that needs the message! Give it to them before they wreck their life with meaningless relationships! It’s never too late! I wish I could say that I gave Christine my copy—but I can’t. I’d still like to get it to her somehow—maybe that will be my New Year’s resolution for 2008. :-)

April 10, 2008 -- Just a note, I did loan my copy to Christine in January and it was very much appreciated. :-)

Random Thoughts

I’ve finished my school for the day and am going to post some random thoughts that have been rattling around in my brain for several days.

Wow! I made it onto Josh Harris’ blog! http://www.joshharris.com/

“Stomach-Churning Tales and First Kisses "Joshua Harris' next book, Boy Meets Girl , was a good read and again, he presents his ideas in suggestion form. I enjoyed his and Shannon's story but some of the others made my stomach churn." (Read the full post here.)”

It’s not the most flattering way to mention my essay but hey, it’s still interesting.

I’ve gotten notice from YLCF http://www.ylcf.org/ on my “Seeking Perfection” essay and waaayy more hits due to that. I had no idea YLCF had such a following! :-)

Why did they use a picture of Felicity and Arthur? Hahahae. (That’s a Latin expression of amusement.) Funny, I’m not sure if I even thought about my blog being controversial. Okay, okay, “Life in Perfect” made some people mad but they could use a bit of lightening up. It was a good joke that I thought up while doing laundry, that’s all. Let it Be = Love3 (that means love3 as in math, you know like x3 because it’s Love, Love, Love.) is the focus of my blog.

I actually clicked around at YLCF for the first time and found some interesting stuff. Why did someone comment that I don’t recommend any books, just criticize them? It looks to me like the same person wrote almost all of their book reviews. (Note: Under Maud Hart Lovelace, they forgot to mention the other 6 Betsy books. There are 4 High School and 1 traveling and 1 when she gets married. There. I recommended some books! :-D) And why would anyone care if my essay mentions courtship a bunch? YLCF has tons of courtship stories and then a whole “romance lover’s nook”. http://www.ylcf.org/romance/ Ick. Yuck. Eww. "Bad site! Mess you up!" :-D (The romance stuff not the rest of it.) Sometimes I think we focus on mushy stuff too much...waayy too much. I actually can’t say whether I like YLCF or not; it’s not really my thing but I don’t mind if it is someone else’s thing. :-) So I suppose I feel like Rick in the scene below.

Ugarte: You are a very cynical person, Rick, if you forgive me for saying so. Rick: I forgive you. Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick: Well, if I gave you any thought, I probably would. ~ Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Ugarte (Peter Lorre) in Casablanca, 1942.

That probably is the best description of my feelings about most everything—save for a good cause. Which, as we see later in Casablanca, Rick loves a good cause too. (If you've never seen Casablanca go watch it right now! :-)

Why do women write so many of the self-help books? With the exception of Joshua Harris, where are the men? I like Josh Harris books because they are very rational and down to earth. Women have too much of a tendency to be irrational—I know, because I am one. This looks like a good book and it’s written by a man, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart.

Why does this blog, http://readevenmore.blogspot.com/ say this: “Let it be = Love3...one woman's thoughts on emotional purity--contains some good thoughts but also some unnecessary inflammatory remarks.” Ouch! Why is my site the only one picked on?! As if some of these other ones didn’t have “unnecessary inflammatory remarks.” Good grief. And the site even says, “This is a Conversation, not an inquisition or trial. There will be nothing inflammatory, accusatory, immature, or personally insulting to any author tolerated.” I find the extra commentary on my blog “personally insulting.” “I know when I‘ve been insulted! I know when I’ve been insulted!” :-D

Why do people make an idol of chocolate? You know, how girls (err…people) say, “We’ll have chocolate oooooo!!!” Eww is more like it. I mean I like chocolate but too much of it gives me a headache. So it tastes good but so do lots of things. Talking about chocolate or having a web page on it is dumb. It’s like saying: I really like asparagus so I think I should start a whole webpage on asparagus for all the asparagus lovers out there. :-D Hahahae. Actually, asparagus might need the support since it's not very well liked but chocolate does not--almost everyone likes it.

Why are so there many comments by women on blogs written by men? For instance, on a random post on James McDonald’s blog, four of the comments are from women and one is from a man. (I just said “random post” because I’m not picking a certain one. I’m not saying the content was random. :-)) Of course it’s not Mr. McDonald’s fault at all but doesn’t that seem a little weird? Where are the women’s husbands? Isn’t patriarchy about the father shaping his families vision? (I just chose Mr. McDonald blog at random...I’m not picking on it at all. :-))

Oh, here’s another book I like, Secrets About Guys: (That Shouldn't Be Secret). Because it’s informative without being over the top and very delicate—unlike the majority of books on the shelves these days. I’m still wondering why boys don’t get a book about us, if we get one on them. :-)

Read the books, memorize them, and then work out your own philosophy. It’s a lot like making up a recipe; a hint of this idea, a pinch of that one, and there you go...your very own lifestyle. :-D
Oh, I recommended more books!

Why did patriarchy catch on at all? It’s based on the Old Testament patriarchs’ right? Most of them were quite messed up. Abraham lied, Isaac chose a deceiving wife, Jacob stole, Jacob’s kids threw their brother in a well and then sold him as a slave—”the patriarchs” are more a lesson in what NOT to do. I don’t know much about this issue and I haven’t researched it at all but sometimes things just don’t make any sense to begin with. Jesus didn’t tell us to go and be like Abraham did he? Did he tell us to read Deuteronomy and follow those rules? I don’t think so. Maybe the patriarch people need to study the gospels more and really think about what Jesus said.

Okay, so what if you don’t like some of my comments, pick what you like and ignore the rest, come on. Let it Be. It’s only my opinion and my friends and family know that I can be a bit too blunt sometimes. But, sometimes you have to say what you think; even if others don’t agree with you.

Ingrid

“I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.” ~ Ingrid Bergman.