The Way of a Man with a Maid

I've been reading this online book, by Robin Phillips.

The Way of a Man with a Maid ~ A Response to the Courtship & Betrothal Movements

http://www.users.waitrose.com/~robinphillips/Way%20of%20a%20Man%20with%20a%20Maid.htm

It's very interesting because I can see parallels in Gothard's teaching with all the Vision Forum stuff and Lindvall's teaching is very similar to that of the Botkin's and also Emotional Purity. Hmmm... I guess this junk has been around for longer than I thought! Maybe Heather Paulson got her ideas and material from several of the authors mentioned in this book? It bears some consideration.

What do you think?

Ingrid

Re: Let it Be = Love3

I could tell you how busy I’ve been this summer but since you don’t know me anyway…who really cares. :-D Anyway, here’s a tidbit that I find interesting. It happened about a month ago and I just wanted this to be more visible to regular readers. I’ve had really interesting comments on my blog…some I haven’t posted….but may use in an article at some later date.

This is a comment and my reply to it—referring to my Let it Be = Love3 essay, part 7. http://ingridgraceandaudrey.blogspot.com/2007/10/part-seven-let-it-be-love3.html

Jonalee said,
I just briefly skimmed your post here about Josh's book Boy Meets Girl. I have to say that my husband and I are "David and Claire" in chapter 4. All of what you read is true and the reason we had a helicopter take us from our reception was because my husband's good friend is a pilot and hooked him up with a good deal (which his dad helped pay for by the way). No, not everyone get's "whisked away by a helicopter". But if that's all you take from our story, you've missed the point.

So, I wrote,
:-) I'm glad to hear it. The point of my article is that all courtship stories are different and that young people shouldn't expect their story to be like anyone else's. The only things that remain the same about relationships are boy + girl = love & marriage. And young people should not expect their sweetheart to do anything really expensive or far-out in order to have a memorable courtship and/or wedding. If you really love someone you'd marry them at City Hall if you had too. Your courtship story was great and very sweet...but I'm just a simplistic person and the way Josh Harris wrote about your wedding made it sound a bit too...over the top. I'm sorry to pain you but there it is. I'm happy that you were able to afford a helicopter... but Josh Harris made it sound... too perfect... I wish he'd said what you said. It's like the difference between watching a perfectly glossy scene in a movie where the heroine's hair is perfectly in place and her make-up is perfect, even though things are blowing up around her and then watching the behind the scenes where the actress says that the corset under her costume was making her dizzy from lack of air, the hair style had to be re-done between every take, and her mascara was running and had to be washed off and re-done every five minutes. Writers of these type of books need to be blatantly honest...it's okay to "flower-up" a novel but writers shouldn't flower-up real life...and they need to state over and over that this is just one story and that everyone's story will be different. I'm tired of the authors never saying that. Why? Because I'm concerned that young people (or their parents) take these stories and believe that their (or their children's) future will or should look like that...and that belief, I know from experience, can cause a lot of pain. Sometimes, people who are married forget how much singles hang on every word in these books and stories...they need to remember what it felt like to be 14 and impressionable. You should have taken the time to read the rest of my essay...not just skimmed one part. :-)

Ingrid

Don’t pick on “Claire” in your comments please. :-)

The Questions They Ask

For as long as I can remember, my grandparents have been there for me. I do love them very dearly. However, they have always asked many questions… usually repeatedly. This is a list of questions that my mom has been asked, I have been asked (up to "Age 19"), and/or questions that I anticipate being asked in the next ten years. :)



Age 1 day: “When is she going to sleep through the night?”

Age 1: “When is she going to be potty trained?”

Age 2: “When is she going to start preschool?”

Age 4: “When is she going to start school? What is homeschooling?”

Age 13: “Where is she going to high school? Can you still teach her at home?”

Age 14: This is about the time when the big college questions start. “What are you going to do in college? Where are you going to college?”

Age 15: “When are you going to start driving? When are you getting your driver’s license?”
This age is also the start of “When are you getting a car? Don’t you want your own car?” My answer (that silenced my grandpa for a while): “Sure, you can just buy me a VW Beetle- light blue or red, and then pay for the insurance, maintenance, and gas and I will drive it!”

Age 16: “Is she going to prom?”

Age 17: If you are still undecided about college, (and almost everyone is) they become very anxious and the college questions become more frequent. “What are you going to study in college? Where are you going?” Well, to the same place you asked last month- “The College of the Undecided.”[1]

Age 18: "Is your (Homeschool) high school diploma valid, I mean... does it really signify that you graduated from high school?" :)

Age 19: College is settled now… so you can guess what comes next! :) “Do you know any boys? When are you going to go out with a boy? Why don’t you date?” My answer: “Well, I’m not really interested in boys right now. In a few years I will find a nice man and get married.” Response from grandparents: “You have to date before you can get married” and “You’re too young to get married.” :) Note: My new response will be "I'm as old as you were when you got married."



Married (unknown age): When are you going to have a baby?

After having 2 children in a period of two to four years: “You do know how babies come, right?”


After having 3-4 children (at this point they freak out): “When are you going to stop having children?” and “Don’t you think #__ is enough?”

~Grace

[1] Quote from the Movie “What a Girl Wants,” 2003

Better Ways to Spend the Summer

If you read any of the "self-help" books, then you begin to analyze everything and end up thinking more and more about yourself and your problem(s) and not about God and other people. Whereas if you would just keep busy with helping others and reading other books (i.e. about real things and classic fiction) then you wouldn't have time to need the "self-help" books because you are too busy to think about yourself. Believe me, it works.

Recommended Summer...

Reading:

Fiction:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.
The Sarah's Journey series by Wanda Luttrell.
Emma by Jane Austen.
Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens.
The Betsy-Tacy series by Maud Hart Lovelace. (Including Carney's House Party.)
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain.
The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien.
Shakespeare's Plays and Poems.
The Anne of Green Gables series by L.M. Montgomery.
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie.
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare.
Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes.
The Liza, Bill, and Jed series by Peggy Parish.

Non-Fiction:
My Story by Ingrid Bergman and Robert Burgress.
Catherine the Queen by Mary M. Luke.
A Crown for Elizabeth by Mary M. Luke.
Gloriana: The years of Elizabeth I by Mary M. Luke.
Anastasia: The Riddle of Anna Anderson by Peter Kurth
All the Presidents Men by Bob Woodward and Carl Burnstein. Also the sequel, "The Final Days.". (There is some language in these but oh well.)
Paul Revere and the World He Lived In by Esther Forbes.
The Bible.
Various Autobiographies of Interesting People.

DVD Airings:
Casablanca
Chariots of Fire
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Little Women (1994)
The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew TV series from the 1970's.
Anastasia (starring Ingrid Bergman)
Ever After (great score (music) as well)
What a Girl Wants
Hairspray (2007)
Emma (with Gwyneth Paltrow)
The Original Star Wars Trilogy
Gone with the Wind
Enchanted
Follow Me Boys
Gummi Bears series
Summer Magic
Elizabethtown

And when you're done with all that...go hiking or something. :-D

I think that this is how people lived in the past...they kept very busy and didn't have time to analyze things. We could all learn a thing or two from them. :-)

Just wondering.... And waiting.

If you have been reading the papers, no doubt you know of what has been going on in Texas for the past week. (If you don't just type "Texas Cult" into the Google news search...and prepare to throw up.) It's enough to make you sick...it makes my stomach hurt...and it also makes me really mad. "This is a sick world we live in! With sick people!"

A couple questions:

1: Where is Vision Forum's statement? (They are ready to comment on Virginia Tech but not on something in their own state? It's actually about 160 miles north-west of San Antonio.)

2. I believe that some of the victims were taken to San Antonio. Is Vision Forum making any effort to help these women and children?

Just I thought I'd ask...not that Vision Forum or their friends ever respond. *sigh* Badly done, Vision Forum. Badly done.

Ingrid

Should Women Vote?

Should women vote?

Must we listen to those that say that it is unnecessary? (Yes, Patriarchy people I'm looking at you!)

I'm not going waste time arguing with anyone; because this quote says all that I need to say.

"I find it poor logic to say that women should vote because they are good. Men do not vote because they are good; they vote because they are male, and women should vote, not because we are angels and men are animals, but because we are human beings and citizens of this country." ~ Jo March, Little Women, 1994.

There.

End of story.

Serving Your Father vs. Serving God

While I was doing some research for various ideas this morning, I stumbled onto post by the Botkin sisters (most of which appears below). By the time I had read half of the lengthy post, I was quite irritated and started writing as you can see below :).

Excerpts from: ~Authoritative Parents, Adult Daughters, and Power Struggles~
Italics are original article by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

“The sign of our maturity and adulthood is when we willingly submit ourselves to God-given authority and therefore to God Himself. This is a struggle, and it requires strength, wisdom, responsibility and spiritual maturity.”

Why must parents come first in the Botkin’s minds? Everything in the following article is parents first, God later.

“An adult daughter, raised well by conscientious parents, will be able to think, will know how to live sensibly, will be discerning and self-controlled and self-disciplined, and will be wise and have understanding that may, in some areas, exceed that of her parents.”

Okay, I really do not have any problems with the beginning of this, until you get to the last few words “and have understanding that may, in some areas, exceed that of her parents.” My first thought is yes, we should be able to always have a gift from God that enables us to know something a little more than our parents. Ingrid loves history and Latin; she loves to stump our family with history questions and funny Latin phrases. I am a student nurse, so that automatically makes me the “medical encyclopedia” of the family. Whenever my family has a twinge, burn, or sprain, I am always the one that diagnoses their ailment. It can get quite funny at times: “No, sorry Ingrid, your arm will not heal from its sprain for 4-6 weeks, and it may take up to 6 months.” :) It should be expected that a child, as soon as he or she starts to learn, that they will learn something that the parents do not know. I love and respect my parents, but to put it bluntly: Parents do not know everything there is to know in the world! In fact, no human being knows everything. God is the only one who knows everything there is to know! The Botkin girls make it sound like you are sinning if you happen to get a little smarter than your parents.

“The sign of maturity isn’t that we simply “obey” our parents’ commands, but that we understand deeply what our parents’ hearts and goals are, and can anticipate and even exceed what they expect of us.”

A while ago, my dad wrote me a note that said what his goals were for Ingrid and me when we grew up. Some of them were that we would have a mature faith, be a wife and mother, serve others, and never be afraid to say what was right. I treasure that note and as I look back, it has nothing selfish about “serving me and your mother” or “giving up what God wants you to do to serve me.”

“The mature daughter is the one that takes the initiative and says, “Dad, what time would you like me to get up? I know that spending time with your family before you leave for work is important to you, and I love that about you… so how can I help make it happen?” This is one thing that makes us different from mindless automatons with no wills of our own (which some girls seem mortally afraid of becoming.)”

Well, maybe the Botkin girls like to get up at the crack of dawn, but please let me stay in bed until at least 7 am! (Unless I have to leave for clinicals at a hospital at 6am). Even my dad loves to sleep in when he is off, I do not think it is necessary to shave or dress your father, or be up early to serve your father. To put it bluntly (in fact, I am hardly ever blunt; just ask Ingrid) why does it matter? If I want to be mature, all I have to do is ask my dad what time he wants me to get up in the morning?? If I asked my dad (at the age of almost 19) what time he wanted me to get up in the morning, he would start laughing. I should know by now! :)

Where do the Botkin girls come up with such ridiculous words, such as “automatons”? The first word I thought of was robot (which is correct-why can’t they just say robot?), then I thought of auto-matrons, as in an automatic robot matron that does whatever her husband says. I do have one thought: if you are not mature enough to know what time to get up (and that may just be an example on the Botkin’s behalf-but a poor example at that), and you must ask your father… you are a “mindless automaton”!! I save my precious conversations that I have with my dad for much more intelligent topics. :)

“In our household, five of our seven children (all unmarried and living at home) are adults; four of us are in our twenties. Three of us have written books. Four of us have begun our own business. Two of us have our “own” ministry. Five of us speak at conferences. All of us have education and expertise in areas that exceeds that of our parents in multiple areas. But we don’t use these facts as an excuse to “outgrow” our parents. We use these things as tools to advance our parents. To build on their vision. To establish their authority. To proclaim their names in the gates. We all have taken our father’s vision and made it our own. This knitting together of our minds, hearts, and gifts has forged us together into one powerful weapon for Christ’s glory and Kingdom. Together, we are ten times more fruitful and effective than we each would be, separated from our parents’ unifying vision.”

So: according to the Botkin’s, for our parents we are “to build their vision, establish their authority,” and “to proclaim their names in the gates. (bold added for effect)” Where do I begin?!? 1 Peter 4:11 says, “If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. (bold added for effect)” According to the Bible (not Botkin’s) we are to build God’s vision, establish God as the supreme authority, and proclaim His name to everyone around us! Is that not a brave and magnificent task?

Has no one in these “serve father” groups ever read the Gospels? Jesus left his earthly father and mother and preached. His disciples left their families too. In Matthew 8: 21-22, “Another disciple said to him, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus told him, ‘Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead'." Matthew 4:21-22 says, “Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.”

“We only invest time in developing those gifts that will render us most useful to our Creator and King. This means dying to ourselves; it means sacrificing our personal interests and agendas. Ultimately, it means losing our lives so that we may find them. But that is the Christian life.”

Okay, this sounds promising, but wait… the look at the part about “dying to ourselves” again. If we die to ourselves and give up what we want to do in life, then we are following God, according to the Botkin’s philosophy. This makes little sense when you look at the big picture. As Ingrid says, “God gave all of us talents and abilities. If we sacrifice them, what do we have left to serve Him with?” I searched the entire Bible at http://www.biblegateway.com/, with the words “serve”, “father”, “children”, and “daughter.” I never found a verse that said “children must serve their father and/or parents, I did find:

“And ye know that with all my power I have served your father.” ~Genesis 31:6~
This is in the story of Jacob serving Laban for his daughters Rachel and Leah. If you know this story as well as I do, you know that Jacob served Laban 7 years for his daughter Rachel. Laban was dishonest and gave Jacob his other daughter Leah instead. Jacob did get Rachel as a wife, about a week later, but as a result, he had to serve Laban for another 14 years. I don't think that that is a great reason to serve your father.

“Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD.” Joshua 24:14 KJV. There are many verses just like this one in the Old Testament about serving the Lord, not the fathers.

“If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.” John 12:26 KJV. These are Jesus’ words! We are to follow and serve Jesus to honor God, who is our heavenly Father. Of course, through following Jesus, we are also blessing our parents and honoring them.

“We need to see the liberty inside this grand vision, rather than looking for license outside it. Instead of repining all the things we may have to give up (e.g. “my life,” “my space,” “my time,” “my dreams,” “my schedule,” “my way,” “my friends,” etc.), we should say “good riddance” to useless, selfish, autonomous “adulthood,” and mature into loving the joy, productivity and adventure that is life in a Christian family unit.”

Jesus said “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10: 37.
If we are to serve the Lord, then we are to do what He wants. Sometimes, that can be through our parents, but sometimes it is thinking outside the box! I have my own schedule when school starts, but so do my homeschooled siblings and my parents. I am not being “selfish” if I am following my plan that was designed by God, not by my parents. My time is precious to me; when my homework and studying are done, I love playing games with my siblings, doing paperwork for my dad, cleaning something for my mom, and talking with Ingrid. I have my own “dreams,” but why should not we have dreams? Do the Botkin girls “dream” of getting married and having children? I do, and there is nothing wrong with that!

In fact, the more I think about it, it is really the fathers who are being selfish. They are blocking their daughters from following God by teaching them to be automatons.

“Observation three: A father can’t communicate properly with a daughter he cannot fully trust in. His heart can’t fully trust in you until he knows he has your hearts.”

This is a lie. It never says this in the Bible, so it sounds like more Botkin philosophy. I have not given my heart to anyone (yet!), and my dad still trusts me that I am not going to do something morally wrong and against our Christian faith.

“You’ve probably heard many times that you need to “give your heart to your parents.” What does it actually mean to give your parents your heart? The heart, called “the seat of the affections,” is the source of all passions, desires, loves, interests, likes and dislikes, convictions and opinions. Proverbs 23:26 says, “Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways.”

The Botkins put the Proverbs verse there to make you think that "Oh, it's in the Bible... so I have to do it." But they don't put the second part of the verse, because in the bible, it's a comma-- not a period that ends Proverbs 23:26. Verse 27 states, "for a prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well." You have to read a verse in context sometimes to understand the full meaning. It seems that this verse is trying to say that you need to guard your heart and your emotions against sinful behaviors.

Two other verses that stuck out as I read Proverbs 23, were 15 and 19.
(15) "My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad;" (19) "Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path." It seems that these verses are speaking more to purity and intelligence.

“God wants our hearts and all that they contain to be surrendered to our parents – and ultimately to God – to be molded and directed. Making yourself vulnerable in this way requires Trust. You must trust your parents, that they ultimately desire what is best for you, and that they are qualified to lead you and guide you simply because they are your parents chosen by God to raise you.”

I love in this part how “God wants” something, but then you must “surrender to parents,” then surrender “ultimately to God.” Why are the parents first? I have given my heart to God, not to my parents. I try very hard to trust Him every day in His plans for my life. Last year, when I was waiting to be accepted into my nursing program I prayed, “Dear God, if it is your will, allow me to be chosen for this nursing program. If you want me to be a nurse, I will follow your plans for me and what you want me to do with my life for you.” It was a humbling and trusting prayer, I prayed it daily, sometimes more than once a day. Finally, when I was accepted, I felt God’s assurance, that I was following his plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 says “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’.” God has wonderful plans for our lives; we must follow Him and Him alone!

I feel so sorry for girls who are stifled by this teaching. We are also designed by God and have varying purposes, but if we just trust our parents to do what they think is best, we are not taking initiative and acting as adults.

“It also requires Faith. Faith that God will lead you through your parents, imperfect though they are. And faith in God’s promised blessings for your obedience.”

Back to above, why are girls taught to follow parents and not God? The Botkin girls say “God will lead you through your parents” where in the Bible does it say that??

“When your parents have your heart you will truly “delight in their ways.” You will love what they love, hate what they hate, and desire their approval and company and even “think their thoughts after them.””

The thought of not having my own opinion in any matter is shocking. :) Can you imagine believing that your parents are right about everything and that you will be so taken in that you “love what they love, hate what they hate, and desire their approval and company and even ‘think their thoughts after them’.” The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That means parents and children alike! It seems that the Botkins and other families have set up their parents as idols to worship and adore.

This is called “seeking after the hearts of your parents” just as King David was “a man after God’s own heart.”

“So Jesus is supposed to be after Joseph’s own heart?” Ingrid was rather irritated when I read her the above. :) King David was “a man after God’s own heart” this has nothing to do with “seeking after the hearts of your parents” which, by the way, where is that in the Bible? In Acts 13: 20-22 it says, "After this, God gave them judges until the time of Samuel the prophet. Then the people asked for a king, and he [God] gave them Saul son of Kish, of the tribe of Benjamin, who ruled forty years. After removing Saul, he [God] made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my [God’s] own heart; he will do everything I want him to do’.” It is misleading to quote verses meant for glory and honor of God and to then twist them and give them a new meaning to support your article and beliefs. Just read Jesus’ words in Mark 9:42 "And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.”

Similarly, your parent’s hearts should be able to trust in you, as it says in Proverbs 31, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…” This means that they will have confidence in your obedience, when they are watching and when they’re not, that you will demonstrate loyalty to them and to every thing they have taught you, in what you speak and do, in public and in private."

That Proverbs 31 verse is referring to a wife’s heart being with her husband…not with the parents! I am so sick of people taking verses out of context! The above verse in Proverbs 31 has nothing to do with giving a girl’s (or child’s) heart to parents.

When I read the above article, I was astonished. Why are people following and listening to the twisted teachings of the Botkin girls? God told us to in Exodus 20:12 to “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” That verse does not tell you to serve your father! The Bible also tells us to serve the Lord numerous times: in Deuteronomy, Joshua, Psalms, Jeremiah, Zephaniah, Ephesians, etc.... When Satan is tempting Jesus in Matthew 4:10, “Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only’”” (from Deuteronomy 6:13). Jesus understood the importance of serving God, not men. Colossians 3:23 states, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” It is one thing to “serve your father,” but it much more important to serve God! He should always come before your parents and His word should not be abused as to suggest otherwise.

Grace

Works Cited:

“Authoritative Parents, Adult Daughters, and Power Struggles” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. Accessed on January 10, 2008, from: http://visionarydaughters.com/2007/05/authoritative-parents-adult-daughters-and-power-struggles

What Are They For?

A few weekends ago, at a family Christmas party, I watched my eighteen-year-old cousin Christine and felt very empathetic towards her. She had just recently broken up with her boyfriend—or he broke up with her—all I know is, my aunt told us before she arrived not to mention boys or dating. Christine looked so sad and it was apparent that she was suffering. I too have suffered from broken friendships…mostly with other girls…for a variety of reasons…so, to some degree, I can understand what she’s going through. As I watched her, I thought, “That’s what ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ is for—it’s for people like Christine that wouldn’t consider skipping dating—merely because they haven’t thought it out. I was raised in a conservative Christian home and my parents trained me to believe that dating around is a waste of time. ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ just showed my why striving for that outline is a good choice. So, what are the ‘self-help’ books for? They are for people that need to think. That need to try to meet the ideals half-way. That need the practical twist. They are only for us ‘christianhomeschoolededucatedonJoshHarrisand
LittleBearsincetheageofthreepeople’ in the sense of helping us see why we believe what we believe and do what we do. Don’t you see? It’s not about perfecting ourselves! It’s about sharing the book with people that need it! I’ve done that: I gave it to a friend that that needed it (but didn’t know she did :-)) and challenged her to read it. I even bought the study guide and met with her to study it. We stopped meeting at about the fifth chapter and I don’t know it she’s ever touched it again. But it’s her’s—I wrote her name in it myself—and it’s there if she ever needs it. Who knows? My gift may help her tomorrow or five years from now. Don’t keep holding it and harping on yourself! Give it to someone that needs the message! Give it to them before they wreck their life with meaningless relationships! It’s never too late! I wish I could say that I gave Christine my copy—but I can’t. I’d still like to get it to her somehow—maybe that will be my New Year’s resolution for 2008. :-)

April 10, 2008 -- Just a note, I did loan my copy to Christine in January and it was very much appreciated. :-)

Random Thoughts

I’ve finished my school for the day and am going to post some random thoughts that have been rattling around in my brain for several days.

Wow! I made it onto Josh Harris’ blog! http://www.joshharris.com/

“Stomach-Churning Tales and First Kisses "Joshua Harris' next book, Boy Meets Girl , was a good read and again, he presents his ideas in suggestion form. I enjoyed his and Shannon's story but some of the others made my stomach churn." (Read the full post here.)”

It’s not the most flattering way to mention my essay but hey, it’s still interesting.

I’ve gotten notice from YLCF http://www.ylcf.org/ on my “Seeking Perfection” essay and waaayy more hits due to that. I had no idea YLCF had such a following! :-)

Why did they use a picture of Felicity and Arthur? Hahahae. (That’s a Latin expression of amusement.) Funny, I’m not sure if I even thought about my blog being controversial. Okay, okay, “Life in Perfect” made some people mad but they could use a bit of lightening up. It was a good joke that I thought up while doing laundry, that’s all. Let it Be = Love3 (that means love3 as in math, you know like x3 because it’s Love, Love, Love.) is the focus of my blog.

I actually clicked around at YLCF for the first time and found some interesting stuff. Why did someone comment that I don’t recommend any books, just criticize them? It looks to me like the same person wrote almost all of their book reviews. (Note: Under Maud Hart Lovelace, they forgot to mention the other 6 Betsy books. There are 4 High School and 1 traveling and 1 when she gets married. There. I recommended some books! :-D) And why would anyone care if my essay mentions courtship a bunch? YLCF has tons of courtship stories and then a whole “romance lover’s nook”. http://www.ylcf.org/romance/ Ick. Yuck. Eww. "Bad site! Mess you up!" :-D (The romance stuff not the rest of it.) Sometimes I think we focus on mushy stuff too much...waayy too much. I actually can’t say whether I like YLCF or not; it’s not really my thing but I don’t mind if it is someone else’s thing. :-) So I suppose I feel like Rick in the scene below.

Ugarte: You are a very cynical person, Rick, if you forgive me for saying so. Rick: I forgive you. Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick: Well, if I gave you any thought, I probably would. ~ Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Ugarte (Peter Lorre) in Casablanca, 1942.

That probably is the best description of my feelings about most everything—save for a good cause. Which, as we see later in Casablanca, Rick loves a good cause too. (If you've never seen Casablanca go watch it right now! :-)

Why do women write so many of the self-help books? With the exception of Joshua Harris, where are the men? I like Josh Harris books because they are very rational and down to earth. Women have too much of a tendency to be irrational—I know, because I am one. This looks like a good book and it’s written by a man, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart.

Why does this blog, http://readevenmore.blogspot.com/ say this: “Let it be = Love3...one woman's thoughts on emotional purity--contains some good thoughts but also some unnecessary inflammatory remarks.” Ouch! Why is my site the only one picked on?! As if some of these other ones didn’t have “unnecessary inflammatory remarks.” Good grief. And the site even says, “This is a Conversation, not an inquisition or trial. There will be nothing inflammatory, accusatory, immature, or personally insulting to any author tolerated.” I find the extra commentary on my blog “personally insulting.” “I know when I‘ve been insulted! I know when I’ve been insulted!” :-D

Why do people make an idol of chocolate? You know, how girls (err…people) say, “We’ll have chocolate oooooo!!!” Eww is more like it. I mean I like chocolate but too much of it gives me a headache. So it tastes good but so do lots of things. Talking about chocolate or having a web page on it is dumb. It’s like saying: I really like asparagus so I think I should start a whole webpage on asparagus for all the asparagus lovers out there. :-D Hahahae. Actually, asparagus might need the support since it's not very well liked but chocolate does not--almost everyone likes it.

Why are so there many comments by women on blogs written by men? For instance, on a random post on James McDonald’s blog, four of the comments are from women and one is from a man. (I just said “random post” because I’m not picking a certain one. I’m not saying the content was random. :-)) Of course it’s not Mr. McDonald’s fault at all but doesn’t that seem a little weird? Where are the women’s husbands? Isn’t patriarchy about the father shaping his families vision? (I just chose Mr. McDonald blog at random...I’m not picking on it at all. :-))

Oh, here’s another book I like, Secrets About Guys: (That Shouldn't Be Secret). Because it’s informative without being over the top and very delicate—unlike the majority of books on the shelves these days. I’m still wondering why boys don’t get a book about us, if we get one on them. :-)

Read the books, memorize them, and then work out your own philosophy. It’s a lot like making up a recipe; a hint of this idea, a pinch of that one, and there you go...your very own lifestyle. :-D
Oh, I recommended more books!

Why did patriarchy catch on at all? It’s based on the Old Testament patriarchs’ right? Most of them were quite messed up. Abraham lied, Isaac chose a deceiving wife, Jacob stole, Jacob’s kids threw their brother in a well and then sold him as a slave—”the patriarchs” are more a lesson in what NOT to do. I don’t know much about this issue and I haven’t researched it at all but sometimes things just don’t make any sense to begin with. Jesus didn’t tell us to go and be like Abraham did he? Did he tell us to read Deuteronomy and follow those rules? I don’t think so. Maybe the patriarch people need to study the gospels more and really think about what Jesus said.

Okay, so what if you don’t like some of my comments, pick what you like and ignore the rest, come on. Let it Be. It’s only my opinion and my friends and family know that I can be a bit too blunt sometimes. But, sometimes you have to say what you think; even if others don’t agree with you.

Ingrid

“I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.” ~ Ingrid Bergman.

Seeking Perfection

Felix, Sara, Gus, and Felicity—walking through the fields.

Alec, Felicity, and Janet King.

Gus Pike and Felix King.

I’m going to use an example that most people won’t recognize but they should. The series Road to Avonlea is probably the best television show ever. It’s funny without being corny, it’s dramatic without being melodramatic; it’s real without being surreal. :-) It is set in rural Prince Edward Island, Canada, at the beginning of the twentieth century. The show begins by centering on Sara Stanley of L.M. Montgomery’s Story Girl series. In the second season, however, with the addition of a new character named Gus Pike, the series’ focus begins to shift to Felicity King, Sara’s cousin.

Felicity and Gus, soon after they meet.

The relationship between Gus and Felicity becomes the series’ main plot line, intertwined with and interrupted by features on Felix, Cecily, Sara, Hetty, Olivia, Alec, Janet, Jasper, and other main characters.


Felicity with her brother Felix. And with her sister Cecily.

In the end…well…I don’t want to spoil the final show if you haven’t seen it. :-) But, in the end Gus and Felicity end up happy.

Gus and Felicity at The White Sands Hotel…He got the night off. :-)

Now, you’re probably going, “what does this have to do with ‘seeking perfection’?” Just hang on and you’ll see just how well it applies. Gus Pike is a loner and basically an orphan. He and Felicity meet when he is about 16 and she is 13 and three quarters. (See the episode for explanation. :-)) His family is not the cream of the crop, his mother is presumed dead and his father, or the man he assumes to be his father, is in prison for murder. Talk about less than wonderful family connections! :-D Felicity, however, is from one of the best families on Prince Edward Island. The Kings are prosperous, well-connected, and stable: everything Gus Pike is not. Immediately, however, Felicity’s Aunt Hetty takes Gus under her wing: getting him into school and then, recommending him for a good job at the White Sands Hotel. She really becomes sort of a mother to him and he looks up to her for advice.

Hetty and Gus.

I don’t think Aunt Hetty knew about his admiration for Felicity at the time she got him the job; she merely sees a willing pupil and a true heart. When the relationship takes center stage, Hetty—though usually very aware of the King family reputation—shows no qualms. Neither do Felicity’s parents, Alec and Janet. Alec especially likes Gus and sees that Gus is honorable, truthful, and a hard worker. Sure, Gus makes him mad in one episode but that was Felicity’s fault when she was a hint over-zealous about asking Gus over to dinner. :-D Before he came to Avonlea, Gus was uneducated, rough, dirty, and didn’t keep in the best company. Because the Kings gave him a chance, he went to school, got a good job at the hotel, not to mention being able to get the job and home of running the lighthouse, and eventually, he married Felicity. Think of what would have happened to him if the Kings had not given him a chance. For one thing, he would have been stuck in South Carolina if…oops…I don’t want to give away the plot of a very good episode. :-) In any case, the picture below would never have been taken.



What is happening to all the Gus Pike's of our day and age? What about the young man/woman who has made one mistake in his/her past? Will they be rejected from consideration because of it? What if the family of the other young person does not think that his/her family is rich enough, well-connected, or perfect enough? If the Kings had thought that, Felicity would have missed her soul mate and there’s no telling what would have happened to Gus. As Christians, don’t you think we ought to give everyone a chance? Not just the people that are exactly like us? Shouldn’t we let young people make their own decisions about their future? Aren’t parents supposed to guide not dictate? Must we make the perspective suitor write ten (or more) essays? Especially if we know them already? Why do they need to be perfect? Is the person that you’re married to perfect? Is your child perfect? Wasn’t there only one absolutely blameless and pure person in history? Do we really need to pick on the person our son or daughter likes just because she/he wasn’t wearing the right thing? How do you know anything about someone if you just write them off at the beginning and never ask them about their life/plans/etc.? To look at me, as I come from a not-so-large family, you probably would never guess that I want to have six children someday. Unless you asked me. The Kings took the time to ask Gus about himself and his future and saw his worthiness. Don’t you think it’s time you saw the hidden worthiness of the people around you? Suitor or not, young or old. And don’t you think you could help bring it out?


Road to Avonlea ran for Seven Seasons on CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) and the Disney Channel. (Really! This was before “Hanna Montana.” Bleck!!) It won several Emmy, Gemini, Young Artist, and Cable Ace Awards. This is the link to Sullivan Entertainment; the same company that produced both of the beloved “Anne” mini-series,’ and also produced Road to Avonlea.

http://www.sullivanmovies.com/
The official site
http://www.roadtoavonlea.com/
A very good (fan)site. We love the episode guide!
http://www.avonleaguide.com/

I recommend that you buy this show…right now! :-D We bought the first season and My Aunt and Uncle have given me seasons 2—well, I’m hopefully getting season 7 this December. :-) The Season sets cost $70 each but they are fully worth it. Ask for this for Christmas. And if you can’t buy it get it from the Library or Netflix.

Thanks to http://www.gusandfelicity.com/ for some of the pictures!

This article is dedicated to a very close friend of mine...for reasons which I cannot state.

If this is collapsing, I'd like to know what collapsing is...

If you're interested in baseball or in weird articles, click the link below.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=txredsoxcollapse&prov=st&type=lgns

"....Ask any die-hard Sox fan. It is never easy. Get used to it, Boston."

Yeah, we die-hard Red Sox fans will try to get used to that 2007 World Series trophy.

And we will try to be understanding to mistaken sportswriters, because,

"It's understanding that makes it possible for people like us to tolerate a person like yourself." ~ Ferris in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986).

Part Ten: Let it Be = Love3

This really doesn't deserve it's own part...it's more like part nine-and-a-half. :-) Still, it is important to give due credit to everyone.

~Works Cited~

1. Lady Dashwood (Eileen Atkins), What a Girl Wants, Warner Brothers Pictures, 2003.
2. Alec King, Road to Avonlea, Sullivan Pictures Entertainment, 1995.
3. The Lost Princess (1875), George Macdonald, J.M Dent and Sons, 1967, Chapter 12, page 107.
4. The Heart of the Rose; A story of purity, Mabel A. McKee, The Young Advent Pilgrim, 1940, pages 34-36.
5. The Heart of the Rose; A story of purity, Mabel A. McKee, The Young Advent Pilgrim, 1940, pages 40-41.
6. Passion and Purity, Elizabeth Elliott, Baker Book House Company, 1984, Chapter 31, page 140.
7. Stella (Thelma Ritter) and L.B. Jeffries (Jimmy Stewart), Rear Window, Paramount Pictures, 1954.
8. All you Need is Love, The Beatles, Written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, 1967.
9. Of Knights and Fair Maidens, Jeff and Danielle Myers, Myers Institute, 1996, Chapter 6, pages 36-37.
10. Of Knights and Fair Maidens, Jeff and Danielle Myers, Myers Institute, 1996, Chapter 6, page 36.
11. Of Knights and Fair Maidens, Jeff and Danielle Myers, Myers Institute, 1996, Chapter 6, page 36.
12. Passion and Purity, Elizabeth Elliott, Baker Book House Company, 1984, Chapter 31, pages 136-137.
13. Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Walt Disney Pictures, 2003.
14. Princess Bedelia, Princess Tales, Nora Kramer, Scholastic Books, 1971, Chapter 1: The Practical Princess.
15. Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), Raiders of the Lost Ark, Paramount Pictures, 1981.
16. Elizabeth Bennett, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, 1813, Chapter 56.
17. Ingrid Bergman
18. 1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV

Part Nine: Let it Be = Love 3

To wrap up, I will say one last thing: most of the "self-help" books tend to dissect romance and everything else down into perfect little stages with check-off boxes to fill in. Don’t treat your life like a list of things to check off! Make it up as you go and ad-lib. As Indiana Jones says, “I don’t know, I’m making this up as I go!”15 Its more fun and interesting to let things go and not try to make yourself fit into a box. Stop trying to control and plan out your life; let God control it; because He’s already had it planned since forever. Keep this quote handy, “I am only resolved to act in that manner which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me.”16 It’s your life after all, not Elizabeth Elliott’s, not Jeff Myers’, not the Botkin sister’s, not Elsie Dinsmore’s, and certainly not Heather Paulson’s. You are you and they are them; “Be yourself, be your best self, the world worships the original.”17 I will end with another Beatles song; it goes hand in hand with my message of Let it Be and actually comes first; by year of origin and by its message. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”18 For without love it is impossible to let it be.

All You Need is Love ~The Beatles ~ 1967

Love, Love, Love.

Love, Love, Love.

Love, Love, Love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.

It's easy.

Nothing you can make that can't be made.

No one you can save that can't be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.

It's easy.

All you need is love.

All you need is love.

All you need is love, love—love is all you need.

All you need is love.

All you need is love.

All you need is love, love—love is all you need.

Nothing you can know that isn't known.

Nothing you can see that isn't shown.

Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

It's easy.

All you need is love.

All you need is love.

All you need is love, love—love is all you need.

All you need is love (All together, now!)

All you need is love. (Everybody!)

All you need is love, love—love is all you need.

Love is all you need (Love is all you need).

Love is all you need (Love is all you need).

She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.

Love is all you need.

Love is all you need.

Love is all you need.

Love is all you need.

(Lennon-McCartney)

Part Eight: Let it Be = Love3

A short paragraph on the Botkin sister’s book, So much More. I have not read the book, my sister has, but I refused to read it beyond the occasional paragraph. (I find it rather funny now that I kept on refusing to read the book....) I have seen the Botkin’s video and been to their web-site and am appalled by the amount of arrogance in their teaching. Lots of young women choose to live at home, even after eighteen, and this does not make them heroines! (Though, if the word “heroine” is used in Latin it means “demi-goddess” so maybe that’s what the Vision Forum people want young ladies to be. :-D) In one section of their website, a father and mother ask for advice on parenting their daughter. The Botkin sisters, ages 19 and 21, seem to have no end of intelligence for they readily tell their elders how to handle their daughter. That is just wrong and weird. Since when do young ladies council parents? Since when do parents ask for advice from young women? Why didn’t the Botkin’s refer the couple to their parents for answers? What kinds of parents allow their daughters to give advice to parents on parenting? The Botkin sisters are not married and don’t have kids. If an adult asked me a question on parenting, I would give them a blank look and say, “I think you’d better ask my mom.” I might give my view on the subject but I doubt that I would be the only opinion a mom would seek. On another topic, the sister’s specifications for mates leave very little room for love and forgiveness—this trend in seeking perfection is sickening. We’re not perfect—far from it, actually—yet we make specifications for a future mate that seek absolute perfection with no exceptions? Now about serving my father, I love my father! I help him with odd jobs and his volunteer work—as does my entire family. This does not qualify me for a marble pedestal, nor is serving my father (and mother!! :-) ) my chief end and purpose. My parents would be very displeased if I gave up all my thoughts, plans, and dreams just to stay around waiting for a husband. That’s basically the teaching of So Much More. Really, there’s only a certain amount a young lady can learn about housekeeping, cooking and such things. I sew, bake, and cook but my mom is always there to bail me out if I burn something up. No matter how much I help and serve my father; I will still have to adjust quite a bit when I marry because a husband is not the same as a father. The same goes for Before you meet Prince Charming by Sarah Malley. I haven’t read it because I don’t see the point. You don’t need a book to prepare you for anything; you just need to observe and use your common sense! One of my favorite fairy tales is found in a little paperback story-book that was my mother’s as a child. I found it when I was small and took great delight in reading all the little stories, but my favorite is titled, The Practical Princess. Princess Bedelia was blessed with the gift of common sense by a fairy at her christening and she uses it quite well. I suppose Princess Bedelia is one of my greatest influences; for her catchphrase is, “Use your common sense!”14 I doubt if Princess Bedelia would be friends with any of the authors of the books I’ve critiqued. Here’s my advice: Leave So Much More and any other books that try to tell you how to live, on the shelf. (With the exception of the Bible.) Spend your time serving the Lord. Whether that is by serving your father or going to college to become a doctor or going to Africa to be a missionary; I really don’t care. :-) It's your life and it's between you and God. Oh, and we used our common sense and sold our copy of So Much More on eBay. :-)

Part Seven: Let it Be = Love3

Here’s the last reason to get married quickly—once you’ve found the right person—direct from Passion and Purity. This is Elizabeth writing on Jim’s time away at college; my comments are in parentheses. “A strange thing happened during Jim’s senior year in college. He called it his Renaissance—a new openness to social life, friendships with people he did not consider specially “spiritual,” the freedom to date if he felt like dating, (Why not marry if he felt like marrying?) and a great deal of clowning, giving vent to his native flair for acting and mimicry. (Did you have him take a drug test? Have you considered alcohol?) I heard of it secondhand and was offended. (No doubt.) What had happened to him? A psychologist could explain it easily no doubt. (I’d like to hear that explanation.) Jim’s explanation was simply that the Lord had liberated him from some old restraints, enabling him to reach out, break barriers, enjoy things. He admitted that he carried it too far. (Really?) There were some “kissing incidents” reported to me in letters from other students.” (Maybe that’s why Elizabeth Elliott recommended The Heart of the Rose!) And later, he wrote to Elizabeth, after asking forgiveness, “And I am erased. If there is more that I must do, I stand ready for reproof. Do you expect yet more of me?”12 “Yes!” I would have said, “If you can all do that, you can marry me. Since you like to take chances and live life on the edge!” But Elizabeth didn’t say that, and, “If you were waiting for the opportune moment...that was it.”13 :-) That is the number one proof that Jim Elliott needed a wife whether he could make up his mind or not. I’ve read that chapter in the book several times and still do not understand what was going on in their minds. Whilst reading, I wish I could step into the book and knock their heads together, then drag them to the nearest Justice of the Peace. :-)
Joshua Harris’ next book, Boy Meets Girl, was a good read and again, he presents his ideas in suggestion form. I enjoyed his and Shannon’s story but some of the others made my stomach churn. Yes, they are nice and all but they are not the norm. I’ve heard lots of courtship stories before but these were far out. Come on, really, how many people can afford a helicopter to whisk them away from the reception? Don’t treat this as normal! The same goes for all the courtship stories I’ve read about cross-country flights and white-horse proposals. (I’d describe myself as typically romantic but if a guy rode up on a white horse and asked me to marry him, I’d probably sock him in the jaw for embarrassing me in front of the neighbors. That, or run away, yelling, “No way!” or “Who are you again?” or “Help! He needs his head checked! Someone call 911!” I haven’t decided. :-) ) Thankfully, there are no white-horse proposals in Boy Meets Girl but there is the big issue: the first kiss.
Having never been kissed, I cannot draw from personal experience but I can say that kissing seems to be highly over-rated. So over-rated that Christians are encouraging each other to wait until the wedding day to share their first kiss in front of 10-500 people. It must be wonderful if it requires such an audience! Funny thing, I’ve never seen my parents kiss in public—they barely hold hands while out and about—and they didn’t wait until the alter to kiss. Most of my friends’ parents kissed before they got married and seem fine; it’s not like they went past kissing. Let’s see, who else kissed before marriage? Betsy and Joe (of Betsy-Tacy), Laura and Almanzo (of Little House), Jo and Fritz, Amy and Laurie (of Little Women), Anne and Gilbert (of Green Gables), Irene and Curdie (of Princess and the Goblin), Rilla and Ken (of Ingleside), my grandparents, my great-grandparents, and the list goes on. They didn’t seem to have any trouble. Josh Harris handles this subject well and doesn’t expect every couple to follow his and Shannon’s lead. But others do and try to shove this teaching down everyone’s throats. Not everyone is going to fit into this box and I don’t think it’s fair to try to make people feel bad over a non-salvation issue. I think I’d rather have my first kiss in private when I become engaged and not in front of a crowd of wedding guests. But that’s my and my fiancé’s choice, not anyone else’s. This is a personal choice for everyone and should not be mandated by any man-made rules. Case Closed.

Part Six: Let it Be = Love3

Another book that I don’t totally agree with is Of Knights and Fair Maidens by Jeff and Danielle Myers. I really do like Jeff Myers as a speaker and home-educator but not as a courtship adviser. The book is fairly short and is mostly done in question and answer form but it’s yet another book written from one point of view. Passion and Purity is the same way, these books don’t allow much slack for difference of situation, personality, or belief. Their way is the only way and so they have to publish a book about it to make their way everyone else’s way. When I was fourteen and reading these books, deep down they always worried me because my life didn’t yet match up to the “perfect model” and what if it never did? Thankfully, God showed me that I don’t have to be like everyone else. I wish every Tom, Dick, and Harry would stop selling “their way” as the right and only way; it’s silly and unbiblical. As the Beatles say, “There's nothing you can do that can't be done…nothing you can sing that can't be sung…nothing you can make that can't be made. Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time. It's easy.”8 People should consider that song before they publish another book that’s already been written in ten other ways. God works individually, in relationships or otherwise; have you ever heard two different, un-connected people tell the same story? God is very original and I think He enjoys being so! The world would be extraordinarily boring if everyone was the same and had the same experiences! Anyway, I digress, here is a direct quote from Myers’ book, “If what you’re saying is true then most guys and girls will have to postpone marriage until much later than they are accustomed to. Jeff: I know that sounds unusual, but consider this: if you are between the ages of 16 and 25, you have more physical energy, more creative energy, and more opportunities for becoming an active Christian during this time than you will ever have again. Don’t blow it by investing all of your time, energy, and money in relationships that are just for fun.”9 I thought we were talking about serious relationships here, not the “just for fun” type. Why are you using that as an example when it’s not with the subject?!? Not to mention, that in my family, age doesn’t matter. My great-grandmother quit nursing school as a young woman but then, years later, when her children were grown; she went back to school and became an LPN. My mother doesn’t like that quote because she thinks you can still be active past twenty-five and I agree. I mean, come on, the most fruitful Christians I’ve learned from were over twenty-five (actually, they were probably over thirty-five) and had experience under their belt. It’s malevolent to write someone off just because they are over "the best age"! Brainwashing…brainwashing…brainwashing. The Myers’ are basing their wild assumption on what his parents did, “They were married their senior year of college…they were still living in a motel when I was born, looking for a place to live. They said, “Whatever you do, don’t repeat our first year of marriage!”10 Okay, but that’s the extreme side of marrying young. My parents and grandparents, respectively, married young, they had some struggles with money but they persevered and somehow made end meet until things changed. They were poor but now they’re comfortable and very, very, happy. Money was tight when I was born but I never remember wanting for anything or them fighting a lot; we were happy. I don’t want to marry a rich man, I want to marry a man that’s a Christian and really nice but I want to struggle a bit so we’ll mature together. Let’s look at another quote from Myers’ book, “I was 26 before I had the salary to support a wife and one or two children. The payoff for Danielle and me has been great. We have had no arguments about money — the whole issue has been erased for us. It’s not that we have a lot of money, but that we have enough to be secure. Danielle: The number one reason marriages get into trouble is over finances.”11 Well, maybe, but there are lots of things that can wreck a marriage besides money but I’d like to meet a couple that hasn’t fought at least once about financial issues. “We have had no arguments about money.”— Ha! Liar! Please tell me he’s joking! My parents have a secure income and they get in arguments over finances! I and my siblings joke about closeting ourselves upstairs every time they do bills. :-) My grandparents have a lot of money and I’ve seen them fight about it; everyone, I mean, everyone, argues about money...on occasion. :-)

Part Five: Let it Be = Love3

Now we come to I Kissed Dating Goodbye, The Dating Trap, and Passion and Purity; even after my careful scouring, I have few problems with I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Joshua Harris is sound and honest and practical; most of what he says can be applied to everyday life. Plus, unlike other authors, he doesn’t cram his ideas down the reader’s throat and say that you must follow them or else die! :-) Ditto to The Dating Trap by Martha Rupert. I heartily recommend these two books to every person over fourteen.
Passion and Purity is a sweet story of Jim and Elizabeth Elliott’s romance; basically good with great suggestions. I have but one criticism and it is an important one. Jim tells Elizabeth that he loves her, yet, does not propose; he merely states that he is not sure if he is supposed to marry. “Well why did you say anything?!?” My mind shouts at him as I read. :-) Elizabeth writes that her own father told his sons never to say, “I love you” without following with “Will you marry me?” I probably would have been neatly blunt with him; some people need a firecracker lit under them. Jim, from what I can tell, was kind and nice but rather intense and seems to think over things too deeply. Later in the narrative, Elizabeth recalls speaking with Jim’s mother. “I helped Jim’s mother with the laundry one morning, and as she was hauling the sheets out of the machine she suddenly said, ‘I know these Elliott men. They can never make up their minds. If I were you I’d tell Jim it’s now or never.’ I knew very well what Jim’s answer would be: never. I would just as soon leave myself room for hoping. I felt annoyed at her advice. She was putting Jim in the same box with the rest of them, his father and two brothers. I was trying hard to believe that he had a better reason than merely being unable to make up his mind. His mother shook my confidence.”6 Well, golly, I wonder why? Could it be, that his mother was telling you what you knew all along, but refused to realize? I would think that as his mother, she knows a lot about him and a guy really cannot be that different from his father and brothers. Here’s what I think: if you’ve found the person you love and want to marry; get married as soon as possible. If you’ve found them, that would mean that God brought you together; don’t wait for Him to spell it in fireworks because He already has! Let it be and quit over-analyzing! You never know what might happen; Jim and Elizabeth were married for exactly two years and three months before he was killed by the Acua Indians. It was five years from the time Jim told Elizabeth he loved her until they finally got married. Looking back, I’m sure Elizabeth wished that Jim would have made up his mind faster. Here’s a conversation from the movie Rear Window, between L.B. Jeffries, (Jimmy Stewart) and his nurse Stella, (Thelma Ritter). “Stella: Look, Mr. Jeffries, I'm not an educated woman, but I can tell you one thing. When a man and woman see each other and like each other, they oughta come together—wham!—like a couple of taxis on Broadway, and not sit around analyzing each other like two specimens in a bottle. Jeff: There's an intelligent way to approach marriage. Stella: Intelligence! Nothing has caused the human race so much trouble as intelligence! Jeff: Now, we've progressed emotionally. Stella: Baloney! Once, it was see somebody, get excited, get married. Now, it's read a lot of books, fence with a lot of four-syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell the difference between a petting party and a civil service exam. Jeff: People have different emotional levels. Stella: When I married Miles, we were both a couple of maladjusted misfits. We are still maladjusted misfits, and we have loved every minute of it. Jeff: Well, that's fine, Stella. Now would you fix me a sandwich please?”7 Everyone ought to watch Rear Window; they might learn a thing or two. :-)

All you Need is Love

Here is a link to Scott Brown's article: "Why I Hate the Beatles."

http://www.scottbrownonline.com/ScottBrownOnline/Welcome_to_Scott_Brown_Online/Entries/2007/10/12_Why_I_Hate_the_Beatles.html

A few questions...

Did Jesus hate anyone?

Has He ever encouraged us to hate?

Yes, God hates evil but He gave Nineveh (and Jonah) a second chance. Don't any of you watch Veggie Tales? :-)

Doesn't Jesus love everyone?

If He loves everyone--then no one can be His enemy. (Except the Devil...and etc.)

What are we doing to reach the "rock and roll generation" besides passing judgements and turning up our evangelical noses?

I don't agree with some of the things the Beatles said or did but neither do I agree with some of the things King David or Jacob said or did.

God always leaves room for forgiveness so shouldn't we?

Part Four: Let it Be = Love3

5: Emotional Purity makes a big deal of being absolutely, perfectly, pure for your future mate. While there is nothing wrong with aiming for this, it is absolutely impossible! If you’ve made a mistake somewhere, the book actually makes you feel bad and regretful, even though you’ve moved on. I don’t think that is right. Of all the things that have happened to me, the most painful have been because of contact with others, but I am glad I had them. God uses our fights and frustrations, our disappointments and tears, as a way of getting through to us. Every time I’ve been really hurt, I can look back and see that God wanted to get my attention and sharpen me. As Rosamond goes through the trials of the Wise Woman, so do we go through the trials of the Christian life. The example just given is from George Macdonald’s, little-known story, The Lost Princess; in which the princess is taught by the Wise Woman and undergoes trials to test and sharpen her. The Wise Woman says, before they begin, “‘Rosamond, if you would be a blessed creature instead of a mere wretch, you must submit to be tried’ ‘Is that something terrible?’ asked the princess, turning white. ‘No, my child but it is something very difficult to come well out of. Nobody who has not been tried knows how difficult it is; but whoever has come well out of it—and those who do not overcome never do come out of it—always look back with horror, not on what she has come through, but on the very idea of the possibility of having failed, and being still the same miserable creature as before.’”3 I can truly say that I’m very glad I went through every trial I’ve had—not to have experienced it would have been to stay “the same miserable creature as before.” And the thought of having failed to change is horrifying! Our trials make us stronger, anyone can tell you that. Do you think Scarlett O’Hara regretted any of the things that made her strong? What about Ilsa Lund in Casablanca? Esther? Ruth? Rahab? What about Queen Elizabeth I of England who endured a lonely childhood and rough young-adulthood before ascending to the throne. Obviously, God began molding her at an early age into the wonderful ruler she became. The only way to be physically strong is to train your muscles to work and move as you want them too. Do you think that you will automatically become strong when troubles arise? No, you have to train your mind to work under pressure. You can’t just stand there with quivering lips and faint when problems arise like some of the girls in G.A. Henty books or Miss Elsie Dinsmore. I like several of the Henty books but one should not have a steady diet of the same type of thing. Try some Dickens or Shakespeare for variety. I’m going to digress for a second to bash Elsie Dinsmore: the books are unfit for anyone to read. They are as mushy and sappy as trashy romance novels; Elsie is over-dramatic, brainless, and weak. Why anyone would want her for a role-model is beyond me! I’ve skimmed Elsie’s Girlhood—very sappy and over-dramatic—and two of my girlfriends showed me Elsie’s Kith and Kin; we looked in disgust upon the first page where Elsie and her husband have a kissing session. (At least I think it was Elsie...maybe it was a relative of hers. Anyway, it doesn't matter.) We slapped the book shut, exchanged looks and my friend said, “That’s why we hate the Elsie Dinsmore books.” There are so many works of literature that are better than Elsie Dinsmore; try Betsy-Tacy or The Sarah’s Journey series instead. This brings up a very interesting point; are we trying to make women weak? I don’t want to be a guy, I love being a girl but I’m not just going to be weak and wimpy to make men feel strong. Think of a woman’s mentality during WWII, “I won’t/can’t join the army but I’ll help it along by serving in USO’s or at factories making equipment. If I sit at home nothing will get done and the country will fall apart.” You can maintain your femininity and still be spunky and strong. It’s all in personality and character; there are as many wimpy men as weak women and as many strong women as courageous men. I’ve noticed that several of these Christian instructional books use a very pathetic woman as an example and that is just not right! There was a book written, titled The Heart of the Rose, by Mabel A. McKee, in 1940. (Remember, just because a book is old, does not mean it’s good. It can be written from a biblical world view and still have nothing but fluff printed on the pages.) It has since been reprinted and I purchased this little book at the same time as Emotional Purity and Passion and Purity. On the back cover is a recommendation from Elizabeth Elliott, so I assumed it would be good. The story is a simple one: the brother is heading off to college, he and a pal are saying goodbye to two of their girl friends and then, later, the boy’s older sister instructs him in purity. It is written in the typical “flowery” style of Grace Livingston Hill and other late-nineteenth/early-twentieth century Christian authors. When I first read it, I enjoyed it but something wasn’t right. It took me awhile to figure out what but it is simply this: the girl that the young man likes, “Rose”, is number one, your typical blushing, shrinking, washout, weakling. She can’t seem to make up her mind and allows the young man hold her hand, though she acts like she’d rather not allow him the liberty. Later, the sister talks to her brother, “‘If you had kissed Rose tonight, it would have been easy for you to kiss her again. You haven’t yet, have you?’ He shook his head. ‘I am so glad,’ she continued. ‘It will be so much better for her. If she permits you these familiarities, she will permit others the same ones. She may soon become as reckless as Dorothy, and then we dare not think of the future.’”4 Read that twice please. If this logic is correct, then, I suppose that if you kiss your wife she will allow other men to kiss her as well? What kind of woman is so weak that she can’t keep herself for one man?! The conversation between sister and brother continues on for several pages, this is what the sister says, in response to the boy’s asking why he can’t let Rose know he cares for her. “‘You mean you will crush the petals of your own rose, and then enjoy the heart when it is opened. When you come back you may not even want to see the heart when it is opened; you are just a boy. If you do, there will be times when you will see those crushed petals and be sorry. You may blame yourself, but you will probably blame Rose. You may grow so discontented that you will blame another man. If you know she allowed you these caresses, these little familiarities, you will think she would allow others.’ He spoke with pride, ‘I know Rose.’ ‘We will look at it from her side. After she realizes those petals have been crushed by you she may be afraid of the future. She may be afraid that you have wondered far into the garden and come back to her a worn-out traveler. She may be afraid that you will not appreciate her and that you will not deal rightly with her.’”5 My, my, how far we go in making a point! Rose must be like Elsie Dinsmore—over-sensitive and romantic. In Rilla of Ingleside, Rilla promises her sweetheart Kenneth, that she won’t let anyone else kiss her while he’s gone fighting in World War I. She keeps that promise, though they do not meet again, until four years later, when the war ends. She is never, not once, afraid that Ken won’t appreciate her or not deal rightly with her. The Heart of the Rose’s basic message, once you plough through the melodrama, is to keep yourself pure for one person. That’s a great thing! But I don’t think using the example of an extremely weak girl is very convincing; there are other books that can make a point without resorting to that.

Part three: Let it be = Love3

4: I’ve heard a tape of Heather Paulson speaking at a Homeschool convention; her talk was better than the book. She basically gave practical advice on controlling your thoughts and keeping yourself in check but she made at least one odd statement. That your level of devotion is like a post-it note; if you keep using it, then the “glue” will get worn out and you won’t be as devoted to your mate as you could have been. At first hearing, this seems logical, but think again, and apply it in a life situation. Take a nurse for instance, one that loves her job and wishes to do as well as possible; if she has three patients on her rounds, will they not all receive the same level of care and devotion? How about a mother with six children? Will she not devote herself to all six equally? Or will her level of devotion have gone drastically down by the time the sixth arrives? What about you? Say you have three friends and you like them all equally, but for different reasons. If you go to a hockey game with one, a flower show with the other, and then swimming with the third; will your devotion be gone by the time you get to the third? Sure, I understand that the idea is not to devote yourself romantically to someone that you’re not married too. Why not just say that and leave the brainwashing logic out of it? Brainwashing is basically presenting a load of clap-trap with a few facts and fancy sounding names thrown in; it sounds pretty but won’t hold up in the wash. That’s why I’m very leery about people that write in a flowery, exaggerated way; you must read it over several times to gather any meaning and I always wonder, “What are they trying to hide?” I believe that both young men and women should keep their hearts for their future wife/husband but in a practical sense. You don’t have to agonize over it nor do you have to ignore every member of the opposite sex. A young person should not be made to feel guilty for having a harmless crush on someone else, as long as you don’t act on it and behave yourself, they are perfectly normal between the ages of 9-15. What kind of people read Emotional Purity? There are those like me; that can see what is practical and what is not, but then there are the slightly naïve boys and girls and even adults that take every word as if it were Holy Writ. The young people have no experience in romantic relationships and don’t stop to think before they over-examine their own relationships. This can ruin perfectly normal friendships, between boys and girls, between cousins, and it can strain old ties. “It’s silly, but they live by it. And I lived by it, too, once. ‘Till I saw what a toll it took on the people who I love most.”1 They should not be living by someone else’s personal philosophy! These books are suggestions! The only book to live by is the Bible, no self-help books can ever measure up to God’s word and common sense and instinct. Basically everyone teaching these “rules” has made a mistake somewhere and wants to keep others from making one like theirs. That’s admirable, as long as it makes sense and holds up to biblical standards. Still, be wary and check it out thoroughly before you buy it. If a person can write a book and get someone like Elizabeth Elliott or Doug Phillips to laud it, then they have a sure ticket of making a bunch of money. From people like you and I. That gives you pause doesn’t it? With all the “Christian” self-help/instructional books out there, it makes you wonder how many authors simply write fluff to make money. It’s really not that different from the “Christian” record labels, putting out low-talent young artists just to make a buck. “Just remember the words of P.T. Barnum, ‘There’s a sucker born every minute.’ ”2 He was and is correct but I’d rather not be the easy target. How about you?