Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Life in Perfect

New Walgreens commercial:

Tinkling intro. music plays...softens...soft voice speaks:

"Somewhere there is a place called Perfect.

Where parents offer their children anything, from meeting Titanic survivors to buying almost the entire set of G.A. Henty books for only $1,400.00.

And it is only $700.00 when on sale.

Where there is family integrated church.

With a potprovidence meal afterwards.

Where the children are seen and not heard.

And so are the women.

Where, after the sermon, father enjoys debating and discussing issues with other men.

And the women are taught by Jennie Chancey.

Where vile American Girl dolls are banned.

And girls play with the Beautiful Girlhood dolls.

Where the men vote for the household.

And women do not vote at all.

Where the girls are content to let the boys have all the fun; while they sit using their pewter thimbles, sewing scissors, and needle cases.

And then have a tea party.

Where the girls serve their fathers.

And can always recite the words of the Botkin sisters.

Where the young men and women are taught all about courtship and held to the highest standards of Emotional Purity.

And the young women plan their weddings in detail and dream all sorts of swooning romantic dreams, just like Elsie Dinsmore.

Where the pretty girls marry Vision Forum interns.

And the not-so pretty ones stay home with Mother and Father.

Where Doug Phillips officiates.

And gets a bird's eye view of your first kiss.

Where college for anyone is frowned upon.

And women don't need schooling at all.

Where people talk and write like a walking 1865 dictionary.

And use words that Shakespeare didn't.

Where having a baby is referred to as Militant Fecundity.

And you name your child Modeste Perseverance Truth.

Where families must have at least six children.

And only a few exceptions are made.

But since you aren't anywhere near perfect; there's Vision Forum. Open every day, sometimes 24 hours. Where you can buy whatever you need to try to make your life perfect and like ours--because we know it isn't.

That's life...this is Vision Forum.


Anonymous said...

like it!

Cynthia Kunsman said...

Can I put this on my own blog, Ingrid (who's not)?

Although I must ask, what's wrong with:

- American Girl dolls? (Is it just a matter of business competition? A purchase from American Girl is a non-purchase that "could have been" from Vision Forum?)

- Shakespeare?

Ingrid said...


Yes, you may post a link to this article on your blog.

Here's a link that explains VF dislike of AG; we like AG.

I LOVE Shakespeare. :-)

Anonymous said...

"Where the pretty girls marry Vision Forum interns.

And the not-so pretty ones stay home with Mother and Father."

Seriously, though, where are the "ugly" girls? I have thought about this a lot. We see all the beautiful girls and they end up having fairy tale weddings but don't any homely and not-so-pretty girls get married? What about their first kiss? Is it just as titillating to watch? Are their lives just as glamorous as the pretty girls' lives? Why are there no homely girls featured constantly on the VF blog?

Jen Fishburne said...

Great satire, Ingrid, and VERY accurate! I love it! I hope you don't mind that I linked to this article.

Anonymous said...


what sweet and gentle saracsm....

Mark said...


You have captured the "Phillips Revisionist Fantasy" in one blog post. A tip of the hat to you. :-)

In case anyone is wondering, the homely or not-so-perfect girls are not courted by the VF interns. They live with their parents and engage in idolatrous relationships with their fathers. All courtesy of the Botkins, et. al. Of course, since they are not allowed to go to school and they must check with their husband or father as to what THEIR interpretation of God's Holy Word actually says, they never learn to think. I don't see this in the Bible.

I hope to be reading more posts like this.

Anonymous said...

11 “For this commandment that I command you today is not too hard for you, neither is it far off. 12 It is not in heaven, that you should say, ‘Who will ascend to heaven for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?’ 13 Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, ‘Who will go over the sea for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?’ 14 But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it.

15 “See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. 16 If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it. 17 But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, 18 I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess. 19 I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, 20 loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.”

Anonymous said...

Very nice.

You display the concerns without being nasty.

Definitely unique.


Ingrid said...

Thanks to all who have extended encouragement! :-) I don't mind links at all...just please don't copy the whole thing. We had some problems with people copying our stuff on our other blog.

As to the random "Anonymous" comment quoting scripture--at least I *think* it's scripture--perhaps "Anonymous" could share the book and chapter from which they quoted?

Mark said...


My guess is "Anony-mouse" is someone influenced by the OT and perhaps by Phillips' skewed teachings. Overtly focusing on the laws that define sin, while simultaneously ignoring the propitiation for our sins (Jesus Christ), is unbalanced.

The LAW defines sin for us (Paul says he wouldn't have known what sin was if the Law had not been given). However, we now live under grace and the Holy Spirit empowers us to be ridden of our dross through God's refining fires.

At the end of the day, outward appearance means nothing. It is all about the heart that God sees and knows. Considering the hate sites associated with Phillips, I'm not too sure his minions are overly concerned with an outward adherence to God's law. They seem more interested in self-justification, defamation, character assassination, and they don't care how they achieve their ends.

Anonymous said...

Sure beats Miami, where more people are killed every year than the everyone who was ever killed in the Spanish Inquisition.

Headmistress, zookeeper said...

I don't know who anonymous is or what his or her point was, but the quote is from Deuteronomy chapter 30.

I take issue with Mark's claim that outward appearance means nothing. I think there's a correct and appropriate middle ground somewhere between 'anything goes' and '_nothing_ but Little House on the Prairie goes.'

Anonymous said...

'Life In Perfect' is just about as accurate as you can get, that is, with out actually joining the Phillips family (with interns) for a night of dressing up like George Washington, fencing, and cracking open that old King James bible that weighs more than the 1600'th century musket which is sitting on the hearth, or for you woman folk, cooking and sewing with the same appliances that the pilgrims used.

i approve, extremely cool Ingrid.

-Captian Ahab

Anonymous said...

You have absolutely nailed it with this bit on Vision Forum. I have literally asked my husband, is there a requirement for VF catalogs that everyone must be beautiful? I have never seen a woman wearing glasses in their publications, I have never seen a case of bad skin, I have never seen anyone over weight. Aside from their token black child to market their black American girl doll, you rarely see minorities, and you certainly will never see any disabled people. Doug's teens never get acne, their hair is thick and lustrous, his wife is always pretty and fresh. If you don't believe it, just read his blog some time where he posts adoring photos of his gorgeous children, all of which have their dimples aesthetically placed as they engage in enriching and rewarding activities. Their girls wear matching, home sewn outfits. The family lives in an enormous home with an indoor pool. The income is obviously great. Everyone is healthy. And everyone, everyone needs to be just like them. Because Doug says so.

I once emailed him after he posted a boastful piece on his blog about his family's trip to an island in the Pacific. He described the azure waters, the white sands, the vacation house, and how perfect it all was. I said, "Doug, you tell women to stop working so they can be like your wife. So people living in doublewide trailers, paging wistfully through your expensive catalog can see how perfect family's like yours live. Stop bragging, Doug. The people who support you can't live like youare living. You tell families to cut their incomes in half to be godly and then boast about your luxury vacations. It's disgusting. Start being transparent and get real. Not everyone can do this. Not everyone should do this. For some girls, staying home to "serve their fathers "would entail them serving beer and pretzels and handing out the remote controls so their fathers can watch every NFL game of the season. There aren't many Doug Phillips around with perfect lives. Stop putting unbiblical burdens on families to be just like you. It's wrong. It's another form of Gothardism and it can do a lot of damage to those who have no means to take tropical vacations, sew matching outfits, live in luxury homes and wear period costumes to elaborate Thanksgiving festivals. Quit creating false guilt in women who don't have this kind of life and have no means to create it. Just quit, Doug.

Hane said...

Hi, Ingrid--

Nice blog!

In Vision Forum's diatribe against American Girls dolls (their original manufacturing company promoted a feminist organization, which Doug et al. translate as "promoting abortion"), there was shock and criticism of the Nea Matia line of Sophia dolls:>--in particular, the Mary Magdalene doll. Surely a Biblical scholar of Doug's depth must be aware that Mary Magdalene was a devout follower of Christ--and was neither the sinful woman who washed Christ's feet with her hair nor the "woman taken in adultery" (the first time in history a women committed adultery singlehandedly!). Casting "the Magdalene" as a "harlot" was a fiction dreamed up in the Middle Ages by church officials who sought to straiten women's roles by defining a virgin/whore (Mary Mother of Jesus/Mary Magdalene) dichotomy.

Keep up the good work!

Everett's Grandma

Hopewell said...

ROFL!!!! I admit to purchasing ONE BOOK from them. The rest was too out-of-my-league. Thanks for this--a great laugh. You may be interested in my post on "The Perfect Madness--a Christian's Mother's Version"

Wiola said...

This is a great article! I absolutely love it. My experience of vision forum though is that your satire of "perfect" is pretty much the vision they are striving for.