If you have been following Semper Eadem for any period of
time, then you probably know Ingrid’s story. If you haven’t read it, please
read it here.
I’m Ingrid’s sister Grace. I’ve contributed from time to
time. I work full-time as a registered nurse, so I don’t always have time to
contribute. However, I would like to share my story- since I (borrowing a term
from Ingrid) was also “burned” by the I
Kissed Dating Goodbye Movement. When I was about 15, I remember reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, its sequel Boy Meets Girl, and other courtship-type
books. I also followed Young Ladies Christian Fellowship (YLCF) and their
Courtship stories religiously. I was SO in love with those books and the
courtship stories and the examples that they included. I distinctly remember
reading Emotional Purity and it
telling me to think of all the guys
I knew as someone else’s husband. Also, from the books and articles, I learned
that I shouldn’t: talk to guys too much or give them attention (it might give
them the wrong idea!), dress “immodestly”, and that I must save my first kiss
for marriage. I was really sucked into this for several years and all the while
I became more proud (because I was a “good girl” and I wasn’t like those “other
girls”!). I became quieter and scared of talking to guys. The thoughts in my
head when I was around any and all guys were “What does he think of me?” “What
if he wants to ask me out?” and “What if he is the one?” I was literally
obsessed with these thoughts. But through it all, I always thought that Prince
Charming would magically come along, talk to me, like me, talk to my dad and
then we would court, fall in love, and get married with our first kiss at the
alter. Yeah right…. That is a fantasy world.
I remember that I graduated high school and immediately
started college classes for my RN degree. That took a whole 2 years, in which
time I was more exposed to the real world and all the time I was still really
quiet- because what would a guy think if I talked to him? He might think that I liked him and that
I was flirting, which would make him and me loose pieces of our hearts that we
could never recover.
Fast forward to recently: I’ve been out of school and a
nurse for three years. I’ve been realizing that I really have trouble talking
to guys. It’s really difficult and I don’t know why. I never had any problems
as a child or young adult. No wait… Now I remember. I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and all the other trash and it changed how
I think about guys. Men went from friends to “there might be something more and
if I talk to them they might get the wrong idea.” Oh dear- how on earth do I
get over that? I have to
completely change my thinking—namely that guys are humans, they are friends,
and that they are not going to assume
that I am interested in them just because I talk to them.
So lately, I’ve been talking to my mom, Ingrid, and
girlfriends about guys. I’m 23. I’m single. I’ve never had anyone interested in
me (that I know of). I’ve finally come to the realization that I Kissed Dating Goodbye and the other
garbage really poisoned my thinking where guys are concerned. So, one of the
first things that I did was I started praying more—for opportunities to talk to
guys and help my communication. I
started teasing and talking to men at work. I joined eHarmony to help improve
my communication skills. I didn’t expect to really meet anyone, and I didn’t.
But that’s perfectly okay, because it sure did help my communication skills and
help me narrow down my priorities. I did communicate with several guys and it
helped me realize that not every guy who expresses interest is the right man
for you. It also proved that you don’t hurt your heart by communicating with a
guy. I’ve also started communicating more with my guy friends. There is one guy
who I have liked for many years and I find it so hard to communicate with him,
because of the thinking planted in me from I
Kissed Dating Goodbye and other titles.
I struggle with questions like “Will he think I’m too pushy? Too forward?
Too flirty?” My mom says “no” and I think she is right. I struggle with my
self-image. I have to continually remind myself that just because I talk to a
guy, it doesn’t mean that I’m sinning as I have a fun time talking and laughing
with him.
The rest of the story? I decided to communicate more with
him and seek him out more when we are out with friends. And it’s working--
we’re getting to be better friends, we’ve had a few good talks in the past few
weeks, we text from time to time, and that’s okay for now…. My story isn’t over yet, it’s still in
progress. :)
~Grace
Ugarte: You are a very cynical person, Rick, if you forgive me for saying so. Rick: I forgive you. Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick: Well, if I gave you any thought, I probably would. ~ Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Ugarte (Peter Lorre) in Casablanca, 1942.