Love is Not a Sin

I wrote this last summer and with a bit of editing, I decided to post it. I do feel guilty about not being able to write but college coursework drains so much of my time…. Hopefully after finals I can find time to think out more posts. :-)

My friends are really into courtship and I’m not…I mean courtship has its good points but I don’t really care about methods anymore… and when I talk to them about certain subjects they can be expected to react the same way every time. Basically, even though I’m happy with my life, people assume that I must secretly be miserable. After all, love (especially the emotion part) is such a *cough* bad *cough* thing that it must be squelched. And the easiest way to squelch me in peoples minds is to say, “Well, I’m sure you’ll meet someone else… just ask God to take your “feelings” for _____ away and then you can be open to anything.” Hello? I’m not upset, angry, or even worried―I’m happy with my life! Don’t even bring up anyone else!! Aack!

I hate this phrase so much that I’ll write it again. (It seems to be the pat answer in courtship circles about romantic feeling.)

“Just ask God to take your “feelings” for _____ away and then you can be open to anything.”

My response?

“What if He doesn’t want to take them away?”

Well, really, what if God doesn’t want to take your feelings for someone away? What if he wants to work on you through that person? I’ve found that romantic entanglements are one of God’s greatest teaching tools. (Not that you should seek them by any means, I mean when they come because God wants them to come.) Sometimes God doesn’t take them away―sometimes they’re meant to stay because you’ve met the right person.

And if you do have these “feelings” why do they bother you so much? They’re natural and when God brings them they’re amazing. (You don’t seek feelings, God provides them: they’re either there or they’re not. So if you’re into courtship and your parents are recommending some guy to you, it’s doubtful that you’re going to be able to pray for feelings for him and have them come. If you have to think about it that much, it’s not really what I’m talking about.) If you obsess about them it’s only going to make them worse and you’ll be focusing on them more and more.

When did we get onto this remedy of, “Well just pray and God will take these emotions, feelings, thoughts, etc away.”

Why do we need them to go away?

Is love so awful that you think it has to be gotten rid of or is love so meaningless that it can be removed effortlessly?

It is as if in response to the world’s selfishness in relationships we have become selfish in our “Christian” relationships and decided to withhold love in order to protect ourselves. In other words, both dating and courtship can be completely self-centered in an effort to satisfy and/or protect one’s own precious self. Is this not a paradox?

Loving is giving of yourself without desiring anything in return… when did loving someone become a sin in our eyes?

Nowhere in the Bible does it state that romantic love in its essence is a sin. (Hello? Have you read Song of Solomon?) If it were a sin, I think the Bible would be pretty clear on the subject. Romantic love is a gift and love, real love is not a sin. So then, why are you trying to pray it away like one?

Ingrid