Of Trolls and Hate Mail

I’ve had this blog for nearly seven years and there have been times when I have been very tempted to stop writing. None of these moments were very recent… in fact, most took place six months to three years ago and that’s why I can talk about them now. To be honest, I’ve received a lot of hate mail from multiple sources (some published, some not) and even several uncomfortable threats because of the things that I’ve challenged on this blog. Honestly, there’s been a few times when I was so scared, I wanted to stop. At times, it’s been really hard to keep blogging. I get the idea that people think I’m some kind of sarcastic nut with a lot of time on my hands (I’m not!)… I’ve had commenter’s question my salvation, I’ve had barrages of 10+ angry comments within an hour, and I’ve been told by complete strangers that I need to repent. It’s crazy! I don’t mind when people ask intelligent questions and politely disagree or want to discuss, heck, I actually like it, but this is wrong on so many levels. It’s not always easy to keep working on this blog. Don’t get me wrong, I like being able to help people and provide resources for those who need them, and I’m not meaning to complain. But I have to be honest and tell you that it’s really hard sometimes. For the record, over the last seven years, I’ve been called: a worker of iniquity, immature, cynical, caustic, angry, deceiving, lying, conniving, “so mean,” lacking in humility and love, bitter in heart, accused of being Jennifer Epstein (that made me laugh actually), and told that I am glorifying satan. I didn’t make any of those up and believe me, there are lots more.

I talk about a lot of upsetting stuff on this blog. Do you honestly think I enjoy this? I used to like Vision Forum and Doug Phillips and Little Bear Wheeler. I read Josh Harris books and thought Emotional Purity was the way to go. But then I learned it was all a lie. And I don’t want anyone else to be deceived. Do you think I like having to write about Kelly Bradrick’s near death experiences or that men in many churches abuse their authority? Because I don’t. It makes me sad. Things aren’t meant to be this way and I can’t believe that the name of Jesus Christ is being used for such evil purposes. I can’t understand how people can act like this in the 21st century. But if I don’t say anything, who will? There’s a lot of sheep out there who can’t seem to think critically about the right things and there are a lot of people, some of them even my friends, who fail to notice important issues and take a stand. Sometimes, I feel like Aragorn in The Fellowship of the Ring when he speaks of his efforts to protect the Northern part of Middle-Earth, “And less thanks have we than you. Travellers scowl at us and countryman give us scornful names. “Strider” I am to one fat man who lives within a day’s march of foes that would freeze his heart, or lay his little town in ruin if he were not guarded ceaselessly” and sometimes I also feel like Sherlock, “Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing.”

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this lately, because I’ve gotten a lot of comments over the years and read a lot of “woe is me posts” written by leaders in the patriarchy movement. Frankly, I think people should be aware that it is hard to keep up an anti-legalism blog and the tactics resorted to by followers of patriarchy and legalism. Not every follower of patriarchy has been like this, but unfortunately, the majority have been.

So, here’s a list of the things that Patriarchy followers tend to do as they comment on my blog:

1. Question my salvation. This. Makes. Me. So. Mad. Who are you to judge my salvation? I may criticize the teachings and actions of people like Peter Bradrick and Doug Phillips but I will never question their salvation. Only God can see a person’s heart and know where they are with Him. I can jolly well evaluate their teachings, words, and actions, but I can’t see anyone else’s heart. You can evaluate my words and decide you don’t agree with me but that doesn’t give you a right to play god and declare that I’m not a Christian or need to repent. It absolutely disgusts me when this happens. Therefore, I expect that those who consider themselves Christians will treat me with the respect that is owed to another believer. So, don’t be like this…just don’t do it. It weakens your credibility. And if you're saying I'm not a Christian just so you can be mean to me... wow. Like, really, wow. That is some perverted theology there. I can only imagine how you treat non-Christians.

2. Claim to be persecuted or spiritually abused while actually dealing out persecution and spiritual abuse. See #3. This is so annoyingly hypocritical. So it’s okay to be horrible to me and say all kinds of nasty things but when someone so much as questions you, you’re all up in arms? Oh and you should know: people questioning your beliefs is not a form of persecution. It’s perfectly okay to have legitimate questions and concerns and if you’re a Christian, you should have an answer for your faith. However, treating me and other bloggers terribly and then being very sensitive about how you’re treated is just nauseating.

3. Threaten me. Threatening to call my pastor(s), bring me before church councils, take me to court, have me kicked out of my church, or thrown to the lions is not okay. In fact, it was horrible. There have been times when commenters have been so vicious and intrusive that I’ve been afraid of physical harm. Lying awake worrying about knife attacks is not something that I should have to deal with… frankly; it reminds me of the persecutions that the early church faced from the Jewish religious authorities. I should probably note that it wasn’t really the government persecuting the early church, it was another religious organization. Come to think of it, a lot of persecution in the past has come from other religious bodies trying to correct or “save” one another. (Jews/Christians, Catholics/Protestants, Puritans/Quakers, etc.) It’s a pretty ugly past. So knock it off and don’t be like them.

4. Love-bombing. Try to act loving and write things about being kind and loving towards you when they are clearly so angry that they cannot see straight. Maybe it would be better to just say, “I’m feeling very angry with this right now!” instead of “I’m lovingly trying to discuss this with you.” You don’t love me, you really don’t, so don’t try to act as if you do. Why don’t you cool off a bit and find some perspective before you write to me.

5. Patronizing and/or accusing me of gossiping. This happens all the time… commenter’s act like I don’t know what I’m talking about or that I cannot possibly be credible so they have to explain things to me in small words. Look people, I have a college degree in research and I’m really good at it. I use lots of credible sources, check it a half-dozen times, and make sure it’s right. If I’m wrong, I admit it and I’ll correct it. Stop telling me I’m making all of it up and gossiping. All of the information I found is well documented, still available in multiple palaces, and/or posted by the people themselves. If they didn’t want it discussed, they shouldn’t have put it out there.

6. Defend people they don’t know/barely know. This boggles my mind. Why would you defend Doug Phillips, the Botkins, or etc. when you don’t even know them! I’ve had people who know me actually take the side of the person whom they’ve never met and probably never will meet. What is it that makes these distant pastors/teachers more important than someone you’ve known for years? Don’t you have any respect for your friends? Any loyalty that drives you to try to understand my concerns? Haven’t I been there for you? This is just so disappointing. And may I say that the sin of partiality is a very real issue in the church today. (See James 2.)

7. Think that just because they are Christians, their motives are pure and right and therefore, it is okay to harass me. Prefacing scathing comments with “it’s for your own good!” and “I’m writing because I want to lovingly correct you!” does not make them okay. On several occasions, I’ve had barrages of angry comments that were really consistent with stalking and harassment but when this was pointed out, those responsible could not believe that their actions were, in fact, criminal. Being a Christian does not make you above the law and certainly does not exempt you from practicing common decency and respect. If an abusive husband is a Christian, he’s still an abuser and he’s still accountable for his actions. No matter how good you think your motives, you’d better consider your actions from several angles before proceeding. As C.S. Lewis said, "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victim may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

8. Enlist other people to help you when you think you’re losing a discussion/argument. Bringing in other random people to yell at me doesn’t help your case at all. And trying to involve my parents (or significant other when he appears) is just silly. I’m an adult and I can take care of my own problems.

9. Don’t take the time to organize their thoughts and end up word vomiting every incoherent, sleep-deprived thought in their head into a comment. I’ve gotten lots of angry comments that were submitted late at night and, from what my stat counter tells me, immediately after reading a post. If you’re upset about something, it’s a good rule of thumb to wait at least one day before commenting. You’ll be more coherent and rested and maybe I’ll actually learn something from you instead of wondering a: why you’re so impulsive and b: if you were drunk, in pms, high on caffeine, or a professional hit-man.

10. Flounce after leaving a scathing comment or conversely, constantly monitoring my blog so you can leave nasty comments on every new post. My stats reveal a lot and I can tell if you come back or don’t come back. Why bother to leave a comment that requires a response if you’re never going to read my response? You might be wrong you know and maybe you should listen to my side, even if just to be polite. Goodness knows, I read every comment I receive, no matter how awful may be. On the flip side, constantly checking my blog so you can critique me is creepy. You’re turning into a stalker so just stop it.

11. Misquote scripture and/or take it out of context in a desperate attempt to validate your beliefs. This happens all the time, to the point that it would be funny if it weren’t so serious. Sometimes I wonder if patriarchy followers even read their bibles because many of the ones who comment do not understand/apply scripture correctly at all.

12. Think that teachers/leaders cannot possibly be questioned. Ever. But then again only certain leaders who have been deemed worthy (mostly due to celebrity status, wealth, and/or number of books/cds sold). Hate to break it to you but Jesus made it clear that it is perfectly acceptable to question religious leaders and hold them accountable. He even called them snakes, hypocrites, and broods of vipers. (Please don’t decide to call me that! :-) I already know I’m vicious and conniving *rolls eyes*) He told us how to judge the teachings of others. Multiple passages in scripture speak of holding teachers to account for their actions and teachings. (1 John 4, James 3, Luke 12:47-49). I take this very seriously because I think that includes me too. Plus, all Christians are supposed to be wary and act as Bereans so my questioning shouldn’t be this big of a shocker to you.

13. Not catching sarcasm and/or completely lacking a sense of humor. I’ve had commenter’s take my jokes and sarcasm seriously. This is usually followed by a very awkward, condescending lecture by comment on their part and hysterical laughter on mine. Seriously people, learn to laugh at yourselves. Life is hard enough already without taking ourselves and our lives so darn seriously.

14. Claim and cling to a lofty ideal or vague hurt while dishing out a steaming personal attack. Focus on the problem, not me. Calling me names does not make you seem like a victim to anyone, it just makes you a bully. Clinging to your own faith and idealism while attacking me is also very wrong, not to mention disturbing. As a matter of fact, stay away from personal attacks all-together, it’s not fighting fair and will not accomplish anything. If I’ve hurt you personally, talk to me about it calmly in one coherent e-mail, devoid of threats, patronizing, and the like, and I will be willing to listen.

15. Jump to conclusions/extreme thinking. This ties into #1 and it happens all the time. Why is it that when you point out one fault in a leader, patriarchy followers assume that you’re a horrible, vindictive person? Just because I discuss Peter Bradrick or the Botkin sisters and point out their errors, does not mean I viciously hate them, am scandalously trying to tear them down, ruin their testimony, or blah, blah, blah. (They’re doing a pretty good job of ruining things on their own; I’m just making it more visible.) Sorry to disappoint you but I actually just believe that their teachings are wrong and that this should be pointed out. I’m also very concerned for them and wish that I could help them escape from their controlling influences. Please stop acting like a hormonal teenager and realize that there is indeed a middle ground.

16. Trying to sidetrack me with another issue or little, nit-picky details that don’t matter. This isn’t fighting fair, in fact, it’s called kitchen-sinking in communication terms. You say you’re a Christian, so please act like one and focus on the gospel and the issue at hand.

17. Throw out all logic, reason, and common sense in their desperation to justify their leaders. I got this a lot with my post about Kelly Bradrick. Several commenter’s seemed to think it was okay for Kelly to be emotionally and physically abused as long as it was okay with her. NO! It’s NOT okay! Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing! Abuse is wrong, it has been wrong, and will always be wrong. Your desperate attempt to justify Scott Brown and Peter Bradrick is extremely disappointing and pathetic.

18. Tell me to just contact that person or just go meet with them and it will all be okay. *insert cynical laugh here* Yes, because it’s so easy to go out to lunch with Doug Phillips or Kelly Bradrick. Most of these people never respond to e-mails or phone calls that question them, if you can even find an e-mail address or phone number at which to contact them. I wrote to Shelley Noonan nearly two months ago, she isn’t even that high on the ladder, and I still haven’t gotten a response. These people are very insulated and not accessible at all. It’s not that simple. Plus, these teachings are very public and if no one refutes them publicly, how will anyone know they are wrong and/or realize that there are others who do not follow them?

19. An incredible, passionate, furious desire to defend their favorite leader(s) from any and all criticism and questioning. Seriously people, if these leaders were upset with me for calling them out, they would have taken care of it themselves and contacted me directly. It is truly astonishing how sensitive patriarchy followers and even evangelical Christians can be. Quit acting like these people are your “gifted” children and protecting them. They are all adults, with lawyers no doubt, and can take care of themselves. So, save all these defensive instincts for protecting your family and real, close friends. And maybe you should examine why you’re so darn protective and touchy about these people. Perhaps you’re making an idol out of them and that’s what makes you so very sensitive to my criticism of their actions?

Honestly patriarchy followers, you’re a pretty vicious bunch. Who would have known that so much venom lies behind those sweet facades and pretty pictures! I’m not impressed with you. You should be secure and cemented in what you believe, not flying into a mad panic at the slightest bit of questioning. If you’re so secure in your beliefs, why do you lash out like you’re afraid of something? And if someone asks you something that makes you question or makes you mad, why do you flounce? What are you afraid of? Of finding out that the people you admire and/or follow are sinners and maybe even false teachers? Jesus never lets you down… if you’d just focused on Him in the first place, you wouldn’t be so scared, confused, and angry now. Try thinking critically and taking a step back to see things from other people’s perspectives for a change and stop lashing out like a bunch of wounded tigers. A couple years ago, I decided one thing, even if I have been scared sometimes; I’m not going to stop writing. I began this blog to protest the injustices of courtship. That was the main goal. I was personally injured by the courtship movement and I’ve seen the inside of all of it. It’s not the pretty, little picture they try to sell and it doesn’t work all the time. I do have to remind myself to deal with the message and not the messenger. That’s why I’ve edited some posts over the years to remove nitpicky things, though sometimes those lines blur and you have to discuss a few issues that are more personal. There’s a place for standing up for what you believe in but it should still have a sense of decency and respect. And if you don’t like something on my blog, that’s okay. I never expected everyone to agree with me or see things exactly the way I do. My articles are open to discussion but my personal life is not. You can disagree with anything I write but if you’re attacking me personally, save your fingers. I’ll probably post it and I’ll respond if I feel it is worth the fight. If only one thing has come from this, I am more interested in my blog than ever and more determined to keep fighting against rules and formulas and legalism―and arguing for the gospel of Jesus Christ. Honestly, I don’t really mind that I’ve faced name-calling and threats as I’ve pointed out false teachings. It doesn’t worry me anymore and truthfully, I’ve moved on. It’s made me a lot stronger and even more willing to stand up for truth. And be warned, God keeps on giving me the strength to write and thanks to all of you, I have developed a very, very thick skin. So don’t expect me to stop anytime soon.

Ingrid

P.S. Don't think I am the only anti-Patriarchy writer who deals with hate-mail. All of the people I know who have blogs and/or help those caught in Patriarchy movement have endured similar situations. Some have even dealt with lawsuits and far worse attacks than those that I have experienced. We just don't talk about it a lot and we definitely do not mean to complain. 

Paradise Recovered

I don't usually recommend films, especially Christian ones, as I find that most self-styled "Christian" films can be very trite, over-sentimental, rigid, contain poor production values, and can have fundamentalist overtones. You're far better off watching films like Chariots of Fire or The Blind Side than Courageous. (Especially since the Kendrick brothers, the filmmakers behind Courageous, Fireproof, Facing the Giants, and Flywheel, have documented ties to Gothardism, Vision Forum, and other fundamentalist groups, see here and here.) That being said, I am happy to find a film that is relevant to what I write on this blog. Paradise Recovered is an excellent film that clearly portrays the dangers and allure of fundamentalist cults, as well as the journey taken to escape from them. After sitting through many fundamentalist films and documentaries, such as Return of the Daughters (and usually yelling at the TV the whole time :-D), it was refreshing to see that there are filmmakers who are Christians who want to share truth and use film to raise awareness about real problems. In addition, since I've worked in independent film, I'm very sensitive to elements of production and find it grating when they're not right. I was very happy to see that Paradise Recovered has excellent production values and the music was really good too. All in all, I highly recommend this film and I'm so happy that there's finally a film that I can give to friends who wonder why I'm so fussy about theology, courtship/dating, and gender issues within the church.  

Watch the Trailer here:

And, here's the link to the film's website: http://paradiserecovered.com/

Ingrid

A Day in the Life of a College Student

The View from my Desk

As it happens to be on my mind, I have noticed that those in the patriarchy movement have a tendency to misunderstand or devalue college and the academic experience. According to Jennie Chancey, Doug Phillips, Voddie Bauchum, and other leaders in the movement, college is a terrible experience that will strip one (or one’s child) of all values, morals, and intelligence. In their minds, if you go to college, you will lose your soul. (Even though all of those named attended college.) Many Stay at Home Daughters fervently believe this rhetoric and some even write fervently about the evils of college without even setting foot inside of one. When I was influenced by the patriarchy movement and still in Jr. High, I didn’t understand college either. I thought it was this vague place that your parents make you attend and you have to travel long distances to get there so that you can study some kind of very difficult subject. This is a pretty fragmented and immature view of the college experience; it sounds bleak and it doesn’t reflect reality. In all honesty, I think Stay at Home Daughters probably have the same vague ideas about college that I did when I was younger and, they have been kept in the dark about college into their adult years. They don’t understand it and thus, think of it as a dark, scary place. Well, I am going to dismiss these ideas by presenting a picture of my life as a Senior in college. While I don’t think everyone needs to go to college or to spend a lot of money doing so, I chose to attend college to gain expertise in my field, prepare for graduate school, and to learn about life and other people. Plus, if I want to homeschool my own children someday, I think it’s a good idea to have a degree. (Disclaimer: I do go to a small, affordable, more conservative school—they do exist! I’m also careful about which professors I take classes from and try to know what I’m getting into—even if they are more left leaning or difficult, it’s not that bad if you know ahead of time.)


Early Morning: I get up, get ready, stop to talk to my younger brother (who is still lying in bed at 8:30 in the morning), glance at the headlines in the newspaper, and hug my mom. I am out the door before 9am and commute to my school. It’s a historic school full of tradition and the liberal arts. If you don’t understand liberal arts, think of it as a solid core of subjects that every student should know: art, literature, science, history, mathematics, philosophy, and language. There is a strong focus on reading, understanding, and interpretation; in other words, critical thinking (not endless memorization) is the most important thing.

Mid-Morning: I arrive at school and hike upstairs to my office on the top floor of an 1800’s building. Depending on the day of the week and differing Mon/Weds/Fri and Tues/Thurs schedules, I will either work for several hours or I will stick my lunch in the fridge and go to my first class. If it is a morning classes day, I walk to my classroom and chat lightly with my classmates about events on campus, current events, and homework until the professor arrives. Almost all of the professors at my school have Ph. D’s (meaning they spent 8+ years learning about their chosen field) and they know their information and love their jobs. On this sort of day, a rousing lecture in U.S. History is the first order of business. Though I have already taken enough History classes to meet requirements, I still take at least one class per semester with this professor because he’s so much fun and his lectures are so interesting. After this, I head to a literature class where I study anything from British poets to Native American literature. My professor for this class is a woman and she loves her work and her students. Though we look at very different ideological viewpoints, she is very good at helping us to understand them without losing our own. After morning classes, I go back to my office and start working. Unlike the dire situation of a woman working under a man presented by those in the patriarchy movement, my boss is one of the female professors and she is so easy to work under. My job consists of answering the phone, taking care of the 10 professors in my department, working on secretarial projects, taking care of mailings, and doing homework in the absence of other work. The professors are so nice and the atmosphere is very professional and lively—I absolutely love my job.

Afternoon: On alternate days, I either go to a History class with my favorite professor or to a Political Science class with another professor. If I go to the former, I get to listen to a young, dynamic, female professor who has shaped my writing immensely and is somewhat of a role model for me. We may not see eye to eye on everything but she has had an immense impact on my academic career. If the latter, I get to go to class and hear about the Lincoln-Douglas Debates and how my professor read all of them over the weekend or we talk about how to fix the federal debt problem. It’s pretty fun actually, especially since my professor is politically conservative and I agree with him most of the time. :-) After this, I will work for an hour or so and am usually the last person in the office. My last school experience of the day is watching one of the Philosophy professors and one of the English professors walk out of the building hand in hand. They’ve been married for 30+ years and have offices down the hall from one another.

Late Afternoon: I’m done with classes and work and I head home. When I arrive, my mom and I have tea and watch something BBC/Jane Austen/Art Film/Costume Drama related and then I do homework. Some nights, I go hang out with my friends, work on service projects, or to see my grandparents or cousins.

So that’s what my life and the college experience is like—my parents didn’t force me to go, I’m not far from home, and I love gaining knowledge from experts. While I loved being homeschooled in high school, I don’t think college at home can replicate this experience. At some point in life, you have to put yourself in social situations with people of different views. Even though my school is conservative, I do have liberal professors with viewpoints that differ greatly from mine. However, they are very secure people that do not feel the need to impose their beliefs on others and are willing to entertain lively discussions. I have chosen to live at home and I am happy with this choice because I get the best of both worlds. And I still love Jesus. Oddly enough, the different pressures I have encountered in the world have only strengthened my faith. If only Patriarchy followers and Stay at Home Daughters realized that the stories they have heard about college are dramatized and almost completely untrue. They have absolutely no idea what they’re missing.

Ingrid

Return of the Zombies

Brother: "You might think the above is just a bad picture, no that's pretty much how they look through the whole thing."

I just watched Return of the Daughters… I’d seen it once but I wanted to see it again. So I borrowed a copy from a friend. Not just any copy… this one is autographed by Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin themselves! They actually touched it!!!!

Now I’m watching it so you don’t have to and blogging as I watch. I got this idea from Sparknotes after someone blogged the Royal Wedding on the Sparklife blog. Should be interesting, yes? It brings out my sarcastic side. My siblings and Mom were in and out of the room as I watched and I warn you, we all think we’re rather witty.

Nice Menu.

Ah, nice logo.

First shot… Adam, Eve, and snake accompanied by a monotone voiceover. Only the first second and I’m already creeped out.

Okay, montage of women working in the home.

Cut to Botkin sisters… staring blankly at the camera. (Look Below). Yipes. Do they ever blink? Let’s rewind and see. Elizabeth: 4 blinks. Anna Sophia: 6 blinks. Nice hair, but please, quit posing.

Did these people in the city scene montage know they were being filmed? Why is the area under some of the women’s faces blurred?

Me to Mom: How could anybody take this seriously?

Model shown in store looks a lot like Anna Sophia.

“Today’s post-family society” Whhhhaaat? I had to listen to that several times because I kept thinking they left out the word “modern” which would have made more sense.

“Today’s girls tend to follow the demands of today’s culture to achieve its definition of popularity and success, measured by public acclaim, college, degrees and big paychecks.” Take away the college and degree and you have the Botkin sisters.

Brother: “This video is creeping me out.”

Brother: “What are these? The daughters of the dominion?” (See Road to Avonlea)

“That’s right! These girls have chosen to spend their single years with their families!” How is that any different from me choosing to live at home while going to school in order to be near my immediate and extended family?

And what happens if a daughter is called to go to college or into missions work? Will her family support her then?

“They are doing it for reasons of principle that they are discovering in the Bible.” Discovering? How did we manage to miss these “principles” for the last 2000 years? Bible verses anyone?

Quit with the fake drama already!

Introduction Bible Verse count: 0.

Now on to the Valenti family

Elizabeth Botkin is sooooo creepy looking!!!

Where is Mrs. Valenti?

Does Katie get paid?

It sounds like a nice job… I wish we all could work for our father’s businesses!

Katie: “My youth” ―she’s 23. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

“The Bible teaches that younger women and older women…their main sphere of influence is in the home.” Citation???

Mr. Valenti: “Their main focus is to try to be keepers at home … eventually they could be helpers to their husbands. And so that’s what I’m to teach my daughters and I think it’s based on the scriptures. Not think, I know.” Really? Since you know so much why don’t you tell us which scripture verse(s)?

Look how wealthy they are…

“She could be off having babies in another state..” ?? That’s kind of a weird way to put it!

Psalm 144:12. A scripture verse!!!

A corner pillar means to that daughters are “supposed to have a supporting and beautifying role in the home.” Interesting literal interpretation.

Brother: (to Anna Sophia) “You look like a robot.”

Malachi 4:6. ("He [Elijah/John the Baptist] will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.”) Somewhat out of context here.

Why is Katie talking about submission? There’s nothing about being “submissive” (as you would be to a husband) to your father in the Bible.

“Seek to glorify my heavenly father first and please and honor my earthly father as well.” Really?

“Being away at school…” Did Katie go away to school for awhile?

Psalm 45:15 ("Led in with joy and gladness, they enter the palace of the king.")

Why was Katie so mean and demeaning to others? Why was she feeling so guilty? Sounds like she was very unhappy…. I don’t really understand this part.

Why would they all have their own “selfish, individual lives”? That doesn’t make any sense. I love my family and I’m really close to them but I still have my own interests and no one thinks I have a selfish, individual life.

That home is so big I wouldn’t want to leave it either!

Elizabeth: “The Valenti home is no longer a lonely place of retreat and self-centered entertainment as so many American homes.” Now they’re just being mean. :-D

It is “commanded in the scriptures that Christians are supposed to be hospitable.” Command seems a strong word… hospitality is an overflowing of the love that we have for others. If we try to force it, it’s not hospitality.

“We had nine televisions going all at once…” Whhhaat? I don’t understand…. Was the whole family saved at one time?

Too much garlic!!! I hope they’re blanching it before using in one recipe. (See Julia Child)

Scripture count: 3.

Now on to the Bauchum family!

“I wanted to be a screenwriter. I wanted to go to New York University.” – Jasmine. Those are high and beautiful callings. I’m sorry that Jasmine wasn’t allowed to follow those dreams.

“Jasmine and her father have reevaluated…” Where is Mrs. Bauchum? Doesn’t she evaluate?

“In light of their scriptural discoveries” Explain! Inquiring minds want to know where this is in the Bible!

Why did Jasmine feel like she was going behind her father’s back to live out her dreams?

“One of America’s leading Bible scholars and teachers of apologetics.” I’d never heard of him but I have heard of James Montgomery Boyce, Warren Wiersbe, and other scholars.

Do they have to exaggerate everyone’s credentials? Can’t one of these people be ordinary?

Why would it feel weak or wrong for Jasmine to need her father? Why did she have to get past that? I need my father and don’t feel bad about it―it doesn’t make me feel weak.

Voddie: “Interestingly enough, the Bible doesn’t command women to be independent. It commands them to be submissive.” Scripture reference?? All women are commanded to be submissive? It doesn’t command men to be independent either! In fact, we’re all supposed to submit to God and each other!

Why is Voddie talking about the Fall? We’re not under the curse anymore! Believers are under grace! He doesn’t quote any scriptures and basically paints a very bleak picture of what life for women should look like…. What a terrible explanation of the Genesis story. Protecting her from wanting to take over the man’s role? That’s what you’re concerned about?

How does Jasmine know that staying home is more intellectually stimulating? She’d never tried college at this point.

In parts, Jasmine doesn’t seem happy. She looks like she’s about to cry.

And where is Mrs. Bauchum again??

Condoleezza Rice worked for the United States not for only George W. Bush. Does this man even understand politics?

And, uh, Voddie? Why are you using Condoleezza Rice to help support your view?

Anna Sophia: Referencing creation “woman was created for the man to be the perfect and complementary helper suitable to man for his vision.” Adam had no vision. God told him what to do and he did it. We’re a people of revelation, not a people of vision. Adam didn’t start digging things up going, “Hey God, here’s my vision of what I can do for you!” Adam WAITED on God and His leading.

Token showing of portrait of Mrs. Bauchum!!

What’s up with the chanting/vocalizing in the background?

My sister: (on Anna Sophia) “She looks scared,”

Voddie: “Helping is not a role woman only assume upon marriage…” Well, duh and yet, to what kind of helping are you referring?

Daddy?!!!? How old are you?????

Voddie can’t do his own research?? How did he manage to get his Ph. D?

Does Mrs. Bauchum do anything? Is Jasmine the surrogate wife? Why is Voddie doing everything with Jasmine?

“Am I willing to sacrifice my daughter on the altar of pleasing men?” Weird, weird wording!
She’s not your’s, she’s God’s!

Why is he acting like Jasmine is a piece of property? Why can’t he just give her over to God and trust God? Why does he feel like he has to micromanage every aspect of her life?

Brother: (during Voddie’s speech) Boy, you’re *very* humble.

It’s sad that Jasmine felt like a double minority in public. Doesn’t she have any friends?

Jasmine is pretty likeable actually...I wish she had a different Dad.

Bible Verse Count: 0 (Unless you consider a vague reference to Genesis 2 by Anna Sophia) This seems surprising considering Voddie is one of “America’s leading Bible scholars”. *rolls eyes*

Keen Family!!

Dedicated to promoting the message of father daughter unity???

Melissa is 25... Is she married now?

Aside―All of these girls in the documentary/propaganda film have super nice hair… seriously, it’s very nice. And they’re all really attractive. Hmmm… what happens to the other, less attractive girls?

So what does Melissa do if there isn’t a home business?

*And everyone in the room cringes as Elizabeth the zombie appears on the screen.*

How nice they organize conferences to restore the biblical family.

Nice hat.

Trust walks shown for the Father-Daughter retreat― aren’t they supposed to be unbiblical? (See Spiritual Junk Food)

Loving the flowery description of Melissa’s job…Really she books the event and arranges the high tea? Duh! That’s what a conference organizer does!

How inane.

Really short section!

Bible Verse count: 0.

Torres Family

At least the girls get to do target shooting….

Since when do people think that a lady is a china doll? None of my guy friends or relatives act like that around me!

Isn’t this the nanny for the Phillips family? How does she explain that she works?

Me: (yelling at the TV) WHAT? WHERE IS HER EYE PROTECTION? GLOVES!? You NEVER use power tools (ESPECIALLY TABLE SAWS!!!) without protection. AHHHHH!!

“My father’s vision for me….” And what about God’s vision?

“They help serve their community and other families…” By nannying, I suppose. Do the Phillips’ pay her for her work?

Brother: (seeing the blurred out immodesty) Ha. Hhe WHAT?? It’s not like they’re naked or something.

Oh, that’s very tolerant of them… blurring out a women’s entire midsection. Um, hello, Botkins, if this bugs you, don’t use the footage!

Elizabeth says that Lourdes and her family work “as invaluable assets to the community.” Yup. Nannying for the Phillips “community.”

Unmarried young women “are becoming known nationwide as the secret weapon of the church. What? I’ve never heard of them. Do you think we can possibly exaggerate any further?

“In the Spirit of Titus 2” Which doesn’t technically apply to unmarried women!

Still missing the protection with the powertools! Eek! Put some safety glasses on!

It’s really not that counter-cultural of a lifestyle. Why do they all have hero complexes?

Bible Verse Count: 0. (Titus 2 not actually given)

And now the one and only Bradrick family!

Anna Sophia: (on Peter and Kelly Bradrick) “Photos of their first kiss have been circulated worldwide” Yipes!

Kelly doesn’t look very healthy… she looks totally different from her wedding photos.

Is a husband really a sanctification tool? Oh… uh, maybe they should use a different word. *snicker* Naiveté is not always good. :-D

Peter Bradrick is so ugly. Those ears….

Brother: “He looks like an elf. A Keebler elf.”

Peter wrote “a series of theological papers” for Scott Brown? Weird.

Daddy? Kelly, you’re kinda old to be calling him that.

What’s up with all the posed, professional, sepia-toned pictures? Why do all of these people have horrible cases of narcissism?

So, the marriage wasn’t arranged by Mr. Brown but Kelly’s strongest indication of the Lord’s will was the approval of her parents. Isn’t that circular reasoning?

Kelly: “Peter was the fulfillment…” Was? Not is? You’re still married to him Kelly.

Deborah is actually interviewed!!!

A Bible verse! No citation but partly quoted. Proverbs 22:6. (Train up a child...)

Sister: “I find that highly offensive!” On Peter’s comment about getting a nursing degree, marrying and shelving it, and then having to learn homemaking skills. My sister is a nurse and knows how to cook, clean, and take care of a house. I don’t think Peter has the slightest idea what he’s talking about and ends up sounding very ignorant and foolish.

Scott couldn’t plan his own schedule? What did he do once she left? Are these jobs given to daughters really that important if the parents can take over once the daughter marries and leaves?

Amazing, she had access to her parent’s credit card and checkbook! No!! Say it isn’t so! Oh brother.
They make even paying bills sound like an epic journey. Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

Sister (to Peter): And you think you’re prince charming?

Again, where are all these posed photos coming from?

Kelly quotes 1 Corinthians 7!!! Says an unmarried woman has freedom from the responsibilities of a wife. Then, why do they insist that being a daughter is just like being a wife? Why would Paul write that knowing that a daughter would be doing the same things as a wife and then be distracted by serving her father? Contradiction! PLOT HOLE! Hooray for scripture that contradicts your entire theory!

Scott: “I wanted her to know that she was going to marry a male…a man…” Weird way of putting that comment….

Brother: Well, I sure hope she doesn’t think she’s marrying a woman!

Did these people even jot down ideas before they sat in front of the camera? They really need a good proofreader.

Brother (to Peter): Well, I don’t know who you’re hanging out with! (on Peter’s comment on what his friends are looking for in women).

Poor Kelly.

Cue the epic music!

Bible verse count: 2. (sort of)

And now back to the Botkin zombies!

*Everyone jumps a little as Anna Sophia eye-locks the camera with a dead, blank stare*

Zombie.

That’s right Elizabeth! Keep pouting!

Families don’t have to conform to “Narrow, ritualistic regulations”? Really? All the families seemed nearly the same to me!

“Biblical principles” and where are these principles found??

Scott Brown: A father needs a “big” “vision for what God wants him to do”… well, bless his heart!! I didn’t know that Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, Joshua, Moses, Esther, Isaiah, etc., told God what they wanted to do for Him; I do believe it was the other way around!

Here, we drop in Jennie Chancy, with almost no explanation of who on earth she is! Who cares if she’s married to Matt―he’s never written any books or really done anything that anyone would know about outside of this insular little world.

Oh, now we explain who she is!

So, Voddie’s a Ph D. but Jasmine can’t go to college?

Why does he think that the culture believes you only get 17-18 years with your kids? Christian circles have always held to the idea of keeping your kids close. Why does it always have to be the other extreme?

Voddie: “There is an epidemic of unprotected women in our culture…” What does that mean?

That’s his explanation for promiscuity and abuse! When all else fails, blame the woman!

“HELPLESS CREATURES!!”

Me: He did NOT just say that!

Brother: Oy, I think he did.

Me: Miserable sod.

Cue more epic music.

Voddie: “We are stewards when it comes to her life…” Well, bless your heart!

Voddie says that he doesn’t like it when people get the wrong idea and think that his daughter won’t be educated. Well, she um, won’t. College at home, without different professors and classes, just isn’t the same.

Yes, Voddie, *sigh* “individualistically” is a word.

Does he really think he needs to tell homeschoolers to view themselves as a family unit?

Who are these women writing to Jennie Chancy? Can’t they find a cookbook that will tell them how to boil an egg? Do they have the ability to type anything into Google?

Voddie: “We are deceiving ourselves if we think that college is actually educating people.”

WHAT! You have a Ph.D!! You just insulted yourself, your professors, and all the people with whom you went to school!!! Jerk!

He thinks that his daughter at 16 is better educated than he was when he graduated college?















There are no words.

Voddie just needs to stop. Now.

Why wasn’t Jennie Chancy strong enough to stick with her dream of being a homemaker at college? I’ve stuck with mine!

Can’t Voddie quote some Bible verses? And he’s still treating Jasmine like a piece of property.

Anna Sophia: “They’re building on legitimate Christian tradition.” It’s still tradition, no matter how you swing it.

Me: “Isn’t this depressing?”

Sister: “I’m getting tired watching it.”

Brother: “It’s giving me mushy brain.” (Mushy brain is a term used in my family to describe that feeling you get when you’ve watched too much television.)

What reformation process? Aren’t you going to explain?

My goodness, Geoffrey Botkin is creepy! He makes me jump every time I see him.

The Doctrine of the Family? Where is this doctrine found other than the book of Botkin?

In submission of the law of God? The law? Seriously?

Overall message: Fathers if you fail in this, you have doubly failed. You are cowardly and emasculated. Ouch!

What country is he talking about? Soviet Russia?

A traditional Christian family is a foreign concept? Whooo… Brainwashing much?

Geoffrey: “Many viewers will not know what to think about this documentary…” Excuse me, one knows exactly what to think!

“And they may be offended by the functional biblical home.” No! Who could possibly be offended by bad theology, extremes, epic music, stereotyping, endless narcissism, brainwashing, propaganda, zombie girls, and cultish behaviour?

What’s up with the tiny child, working in the kitchen with oven mitts and no mother present?

As a matter of fact, where are all the mothers?

Daughters are instrumental “in building civilizations.” Does he think this is Ancient Greece? And of course, women are essential! We’ve all (hopefully) taken biology class.

Can someone give me a pair of boots so I can wade through this slop?

“The function of the family to make disciples of all nations” Actually, that command was given to everybody, singles and married alike, but if you want to stretch it that’s fine.

Geoffrey: (on daughters wanting to build up the faith) “How can I extend it to men of future generations once I’m married.” That’s so encouraging! I can only give the faith to my sons and not my daughters! And I have to be married in order to build up the faith! I think I’ll go tell that to the Apostle Paul.

You knew it was coming… Epic music!!!

“And patriarchally,” Did he really just use that word?

We live in a period of transition from a fiercely anti-biblical society to a biblical society. Really?

Oh, great, the zombie girls are back. Eeeps.

Not every girl will be able to enjoy this [lifestyle]? What does that mean? So some girls will fall through the cracks?

Wait. Why are you moving on without answering my question? Who’s going to fall through the cracks? Hello?

Anna Sophia: “Changing history for the better as they return to God’s law.” The law? I thought we were free from that? Which part of it? Are we going to make women impure during the wrong time of the month now too?

Really! A verse from Psalm 144!

What’s up with the epic music? How nice that Kelly did have her baby but who names their child Triumph? I guess it looked nice at the end of such an *epic* instrument of propaganda documentary.

They sure crammed a lot of heavy information into that ending… and a lot of it was total propaganda. I feel brainwashed even though I didn’t believe a bit of it.

Bible Verse Count: 1.

Total Bible Verse Count: 6.

Only six cited Bible verses in the whole earth-shattering, hour-long, documentary?

This whole thing truly illustrated the proverb (and I’m looking at you Voddie!) “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

Miserable sods.

My head aches. I think I need some tea.

Signing off.

Jesus said: “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:34-39

Ingrid

Spring Suede, Suspenders, and Stay at Home Daughters

I was on Pinterest (looking at other people’s “pins”…I do not indulge in my own Pinterest), and I looked at the boards of several young women associated with the patriarchy/stay at home daughters movements. To be honest, I was shocked by some of the categories I found in these Pinterests. Categories like “Fashions for guys” or “when guys dress classy” were filled with pictures of chiseled, handsome male models in vintage clothing. Seriously? Endless files of photos of male celebrities? You’ve got to be kidding me. Come on ladies, what’s up with you? Don’t you have guy friends? What do they think of all these photos? Because I have to say that if I were a guy, I’d feel pretty intimidated by your obvious expectations of male beauty/fashion. Or are you so repressed and unable to talk to guys that you have to scour the internet for photos of handsome guys about whom you can dream? Whatever the reason, these guys are cute and I can see that you probably see more in these photos than just “spring suede” or “unbeatable street style.” How are these sorts of photos any different from pornography? Yes, I know the guys are wearing cute, preppy clothes but you’re still having an emotional reaction when you look at them. In fact, you’re objectifying these guys. How is this okay? These guys are all people with hopes, dreams, and probably a girlfriend/wife of their own. And another thing: How would you like it if your guy friends had Pinterests with photos of female models and celebrities? Wouldn’t that make you feel like you can’t live up to their expectations? Finally, do you even understand the example you’re setting for younger girls and/or your followers? Not only are you Christian young ladies, you’re all supposed to be into courtship and everything attached to that movement. These boards don’t seem to fit into the beliefs that you claim to follow. Pinterests are open to the public and I’m sure I’m not the only one that can see all the photos you pin. Finally, you’re falling victim to one of the top ten internet clichés…as detailed in this video. :-D And yes, I actually wrote this article before Messy Mondays made their video...they just reminded me to post my article.

Ingrid

Source material drawn from:

http://pinterestDOTcom/jasminelb/if-i-could-pick-out-the-clothes-in-his-closet/

http://pinterestDOTcom/MissRaquel316/when-guys-dress-classy/

I Can See the Light... Can They?

Dear Anna Sofia and Elizabeth,

I'm writing in response to your article "Our Response to Rapunzel" (1) which is in italics below and my questions/comments are in normal typeface :)

Dear Rapunzel,

Thank you for your email. We happen to already be familiar with your story as presented in “Tangled,” and even know a little more about your backstory than you do, and so we do have some thoughts for you.

We will be unusually blunt, because we know you are not a real person with feelings; you are the carefully written, cast, voiced, sketched, sculpted, scanned, painted, rigged, animated, rendered, and composited brainchild of John Lasseter, Glen Keane, and the Disney scriptwriting committee. We’re talking to you, polygons.

First off, when are you not blunt and commanding? It seems to me, by looking at your blog, and So Much More (which I have read) that you really love telling people what they can and cannot do as Christians. You seem to be trying to get back at Disney here, because as far as Tangled is concerned, you seem to think that Disney is attacking your lifestyle. Do you really think Disney knows about you/the stay-at-home daughters movement? Obviously, this lengthy article is a way for you to "get back" at Disney and defend your lifestyle.

And not only were you meticulously handcrafted by others: Your entire universe was built around you, detail by detail, by these same imagineers. Your particular situation, down to Flynn’s serendipitous appearance in your window – your moral dilemmas, down to your conflicts with your mother – the characters you ran into, down to the last pub thug – didn’t just happen, but were deliberated over by a bunch of businessmen for approximately ten years. Everything about your world, including the ethical system by which it operates, came out of somebody’s head.

I find it interesting that you have to use such big words to get your point across… really serendipitous isn’t it? Notice the sentence that is bolded above… yes, you ladies wrote it and first it makes me laugh, because you are assaulting a make-believe character, but then, it makes me sad, because I think you need to take your own advice. Anna Sofia and Elizabeth: Everything about your world, including the ethical system by which it operates, came out of somebody’s (Your father’s and his associate’s) head.

But here you are, in the middle of it, and you need advice. Let’s get down to helping you out! We would like to propose the following course of action for you:

Kill your mother with her own dagger (for poetic justice), run away from the tower once and for all, reunite with Flynn Rider (and propose to him – why not?), rally the thugs to your side, storm the castle together, throw out the authorities that were trying to imprison Flynn (doesn’t that make them the villains?), and establish yourselves as the ruling elite, where your word can be law, now not only for you, but for everyone.

No, of course that’s not the right answer. But why not?

Some might say that since your universe is a fantasy universe, God’s ethical system does not apply. But if His moral standard doesn’t have jurisdiction over this film – if, since this film isn’t a “Christian” film, we shouldn’t require it to line up with the Bible – then who could dare say bumping your mother out of the way would be wrong? Who’s to say any other solution would be morally better? Are we admitting that there is some overarching standard after all?

There is no connotation in the movie to Rapunzel or Flynn killing Mother Gothel. Rapunzel confronts her “mother” to try to find out the truth. Her “mother” is the one that reacts violently by chaining up Rapunzel and making her submit to a lifetime of slavery- yes, that is what it is. The definition of slave is: somebody forced to work for another. Rapunzel will be forced to keep her “mother” young. She is chained up and being dragged to another hiding place as Flynn arrives. Can you imagine what would happen if Rapunzel wouldn’t sing the song to her “mother” anymore? I imagine beatings, pain, injuries, and starvation. That’s right: physical abuse, in addition to the other abuse that she has already experienced.

We’ve got good news for you: You, Rapunzel, imaginary creature though you are, are not ultimately under the lordship of Disney Studios, but of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 commands all men to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” – which means every imagination, every script page, and every film frame. Christ demands that every man’s mind and the stuff in it bow the knee, and that would include you. And His moral system – His law – is still the standard by which your moral system must be measured. In other words, stabbing your mother would be wrong, not because it’s not the sort of thing a nice girl with a dream would do, not because it would be politically incorrect, not because it would disturb children – but because it breaks one of His commandments (Ex. 20:13). And that’s why, even though you’re a fairy tale creature, we’re going to respond to you as though you were a real person.

You really don’t like Disney, do you? The way you write, it makes me wonder if you are a little jealous of Disney Studios and their ingenuity? After all, your family does make movies and how successful can documentaries be?

I’m not sure where the whole stabbing your mother thing came from, because if you watch the movie, you will see that Mother Gothel actually stabs Flynn to kill him!

It is not Rapunzel trying to stab anyone- least of all her “mother.” Nor does the movie imply that that Rapunzel is thinking of stabbing her “mother,” but ladies, you have thought that up yourselves to fuel your argument. Therefore, the commandment: Thou shall not murder (Exodus 20:13) does apply to the movie, not to Rapunzel as you imply, but to Mother Gothel. Why do you keep acting like Mother Gothel is good?

What makes advising you tricky is that the brains who crafted your universe and situation never presented you with a good option. The film offered you two choices at the beginning: 1. Rot your useless life away in the tower with the world’s most detestable mother; or, 2. Defy your mother and run away from home with a thief. Your only visible choices now are: 1. Rot your useless life away in the tower with the world’s most detestable mother; or, 2. Follow your feelings, denounce your mother as a kidnapping imposter with no evidence, and leave again. Yes, it does occasionally seem that the only options life presents are bad ones, but in reality, doing right is always an option. Film has the power to create dishonest moral scenarios, forcing its characters to play a version of the lifeboat game (Who will you throw overboard, passenger A or passenger B?) and never offering a third option. And by making your option A look unspeakable, while making your option B look irresistible, “Tangled” draws us in so deeply that by the time your first moral dilemma comes around, we’re rooting for you to do (what we would normally call) the wrong thing.

No good option? What about returning to loving parents who both long for their kidnapped daughter to return home? What about forgive the person that helped rescue you, because obviously he doesn’t desire to be a thief any longer? The quote: 2. Follow your feelings, denounce your mother as a kidnapping imposter with no evidence, and leave again is incorrect. Rapunzel has evidence, just not documented and notarized- memories and a really good a gut instinct. And if she is wrong, why does her “mother” react the way she does? A little violent, don’t you think?

So what is the right (biblical) thing for you to do, now? Here are a few (serious) suggestions:

1. Check the facts regarding your identity.

Feelings, hunches, and childhood drawings are a bad guide (and insufficient evidence), especially in such high-stake situations. There are ways to figure out who you are. We, the audience, of course know that your Mother is actually an evil kidnapper and the villain of your story; but you, the protagonist, currently have about as much reason to suspect this as every girl in the audience does her own parents. 

If you were wrong, and she turns out to have been your biological mother all along:

She does check the facts. She confronts her “mother” about it. Her mother doesn’t deny it, but starts schmoozing Rapunzel and then becomes hostile. (I’ve just re-watched the scene to make sure I’m right, since I have the movie on my iPod) :)


2. Apologize sincerely for disobeying, deceiving, and defying her.

Some protest that you were justified in breaking the 5th commandment because she wasn’t really your mother, but let’s be honest: You didn’t leave because you knew that. You didn’t leave because you knew your mother’s command was biblically unlawful. You didn’t leave because you thought it would be wrong to stay and submit to the unbiblical tyranny of a kidnapping sorceress. You left because there was something you really wanted to do, the authority over you forbade it, and you decided to do what you wanted to do it anyway. You actually believed, and said, that it would be wrong for you to go. In your mind, you were as guilty of rebellion as the girl whose parents forbid her to go to a wild party and who sneaks out to go anyway: You left because you didn’t care.

We’re truly sorry that the filmmakers gave you such a loathsome creature as a mother. But if it’s wrong for her to be a law unto herself, you need to hold yourself to the same standard. “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.” (1 Sam. 15:23)

Rapunzel was being held against her will, she is almost 18. She is an adult. How long must she have stayed in the tower to “obey her mother?” What’s a good age Anna Sofia and Elizabeth? You ladies are both in your mid-twenties, quite obviously living at home under your father’s protection, so maybe thirty or even forty years of age is more acceptable to be able to leave the few rooms that you have never left (in your memory)? Is doesn’t seem unrealistic to want to leave the tower, especially when you have never touched grass. By the way ladies, I really would like a response to this question!

Actually, FYI Mother Gothel isn’t her “mother”! So I'm not sure why you keep referring to her as such. Her mother is a very sweet, beautiful, yet sad queen who hasn’t seen her daughter since she was an infant. I like how you picked a verse out of the Old Testament that really is out of context here. The verse in 1^st Samuel is when Samuel is confronting Saul with his sin of disobedience to God’s command on how to fight in a war. Now, I’m not saying that we can’t learn from the stories of the Old Testament and that we should rebel, practice witchcraft, etc…. but Scripture passages can’t be bent to help make a point for our own agenda.

3. Biblically examine the legitimacy of her commands.

Even if she is your biological mother, however, that doesn’t mean you have a duty of unconditional submission to her whims. “The requirement of unquestioning obedience by any human authority is a sin and defiles the very intent of God’s Word,” writes R.J. Rushdoony. “The unquestioning obedience which Scripture requires is only to God, never to kings, rulers, employers, husbands, or parents. To render unquestioning obedience is a sin.”

There comes a time when, in the words of our founders, “Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God!” What you need to ask yourself is: Is your mother forcing you to sin, or is she forbidding you to do something God has commanded? In either case, you must disobey. (By the way, God didn’t command you to go see the floating lights.) And if she is physically abusing you or endangering your life, you have a duty to not be an accomplice to her crimes. You need to get out of there. Thankfully, you are fit and resourceful, as well as handy with your lasso hair, and you’ve gotten out of tougher scrapes. We’ll root for you.

You contradict yourselves here. In #2, you say You didn’t leave because you knew your mother’s command was biblically unlawful. You didn’t leave because you thought it would be wrong to stay and submit to the unbiblical tyranny of a kidnapping sorceress. You left because there was something you really wanted to do, the authority over you forbade it, and you decided to do what you wanted to do it anyway. Now you say in #3 that she does need to question her mother’s decision (so that she doesn’t submit with unquestioning obedience!). What if, since all of this has to be Biblical, it is God’s plan for her to leave her “mother” and see the floating lanterns? You can’t deny that it isn’t. Are the floating lanterns perhaps an allegory for the Light of the World—that is Jesus? The lanterns presence saves her from the abusive tower! She says that she feels that they are "meant for me" (and they are!) Hmmm…

4. Appeal to her regarding her sins against you in the spirit of Matthew 18:15:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” If she refuses to be reasonable, the biblical answer is not to simply walk away from her forever. Verse 16 continues, “But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.” Use your resourcefulness to bring in some authorities to handle the situation – and, yes, submit yourself to them. Unaccountable autonomy is an alternative Scripture never offers anyone, man, woman, or child.

Okay, so since she does confront her “mother” and her “mother” doesn’t deny it. How would she go about getting some other people to help her confront her “mother,” especially since her “mother” won’t let her leave the tower? Should she rebel and run away again? Oh wait, she can’t… her “mother” chains her up!

However… If she is not your biological mother, but instead a kidnapper:

2. Employ your resourcefulness to go to the authorities.

God condemned kidnapping as seriously as murder (Ex. 21:16, Deut. 24:7), and she needs to be brought to justice. This is bigger than you and your feelings; she has sinned against God and your parents as well as you, and right must be done.

Again, how is she supposed to leave and get help when her “mother” chains her up?

However, if justice is really your concern, then…

3….You also need to report the most wanted thief in the kingdom, who has also stolen precious items (the tiara) from your parents.

Flynn has also sinned against God and your parents, and again, this is bigger than you and your feelings. Biblically, he wouldn’t be hung or have his hands cut off, but there are consequences for stealing (Ex. 22:1-4, Lev. 6:1-7, Prov. 6:30,31).

This is not, of course, to assume that Flynn couldn’t repent of stealing. If he did, though, he would certainly go further than saying he’s sorry and never doing it again: He would make restitution to everyone he robbed, as many times over as biblically required. It would be nice if repenting meant not having to suffer the consequences, but God is a God of justice Who requires that things be made right. That He is also a God of mercy means that He does give second chances to those who repent, confess, make things right, go their way, and sin no more… and we can too.

First off, don’t you think that Rapunzel’s parents know that Flynn is a wanted thief? They also would end up hearing the entire story of how Rapunzel initially got out of the tower, so that would include the tiara. You might argue that they could leave out the tiara part- but that wouldn’t happen because they would be bringing the tiara back with them. :) So, in the end, he is turned in. He does repent from stealing- he doesn’t steal anymore, he turns into an accepted and respected member of the community, and most importantly: he is forgiven!

4. Don’t embrace thugs just because they’re nice to you.

This film for young girls contained an interesting message: That everything your mother taught you was wrong. One interesting example was your mother’s caution that the world contained dangerous men. No one would dispute this fact in the real world, but it was a point the film pulled some tricky stunts to prove wrong. At the end of the day, the openly brutal and violent thugs were proven to be harmless to pretty blond girls. The ones shown to be the real villains were parents.

As regards both Flynn and the pub thugs – of course they have souls! But it’s no amazing discovery that the more villainous elements of society also have feelings, dreams, even artistic impulses. Hitler was sensitive and introspective, wrote poetry, loved music and art, collected artifacts, had a dream (a big one), and liked pretty blonde girls. A penchant for collecting ceramic unicorns doesn’t make a criminal innocent. It also doesn’t prove that your mother was wrong about the world – even if she was wrong about how people should respond to it (i.e. hiding in a tower). Unfortunately, neither you nor she figured out what it means to be in the world but not of the world, or the right way to be a light in the darkness.

Ladies, you are being pretty stereotypical here. There are plenty of people who are lost in this world or don’t look clean and fresh with a suit coat on to run to the market. You went from one extreme to the other- there is a middle ground. There are bad men in this world, but there are also men who could seem a little scary or different, but are very nice people who happen to be Christians. My uncle could be considered a little scary to you: He has tattoos, ear piercings, and unkempt curly dark hair. But he is a Christian and would never hurt anyone. Don’t judge a book by its cover ladies!

So Rapunzel’s parents are villains? Mother Gothel is not her real mother and she is the villain of the movie, so your statement The ones shown to be the real villains were parents is incorrect. (And some of the thugs aren’t good- the ones who used to be in cahoots with Flynn aren’t good, nor does Rapunzel trust them.)

Doesn't she look like a villain to you? Yikes!

5. If you are found to be the Lost Princess, step up to the role of royal daughter, and all that that involves.

As the daughter of such obviously wonderful parents, you will obviously not have any excuses for running off to attend events they forbid, or becoming romantically entangled with young men they disapprove of. (If you never had an “authority problem” to begin with, this shouldn’t be a problem for you.) As a princess, however, your new responsibilities go even further than this. As soon as you put on that tiara, you have to stop being the main character of your story and let your subjects take that place. Instead of being slave to a tyrannical mother’s whims, you must now be a slave to duty and the needs of your people. Dancing with the peasants and drawing pictures with them on the sidewalks will not be enough. Whatever your feelings may be, you have to set an example of law-upholding conduct to your people. Whatever your (or others’) dreams may be, you have to impartially uphold justice. Whatever your diplomatic power may be, your word cannot be law.

And Rapunzel, we’re afraid this means that you are going to have to become a different kind of girl.

Sorry, but this made me laugh. Why does she need to change? Surely Rapunzel is embracing her new life as a Princess, Daughter, Friend, Leader, and Example to others. Since she spent the better part of 18 years perfecting her homemaking skills, she definitely has time to devote to serving her kingdom. Maybe she will be more willing to take a few risks and sure she’ll make some mistakes, but we all do. No one is above fault. Plus, since her Father is still the King, she won’t have to lead for a few years at least, so she can continue to grow and mold herself into the woman that she is meant to be. No changes needed.

Your example, unfortunately, can no longer be what it has been throughout the whole movie. You may be one of Disney’s most appealing recent characters, and you may have done some admirable things (such as try to sacrifice your life for Flynn). But your character is nonetheless an extremely dangerous one for girls to relate to.

Why? Because although your situation is so different from ours (our parents generally are our biological parents, and they generally aren’t locking us up in towers), and your universe operates so differently from ours (none of us have magic hair), your struggles, feelings, and questions are just the same. “Tangled” tackles the biggest issues in a young woman’s life: relationships with parents, attitudes toward authority, relationships with young men, the outside world, the use of our time, and our bigger purpose in life. It raises the questions every young woman is asking. Then it gives the exact wrong answers.

It only gives the wrong answers from your serve-your-father lifestyle and upbringing. I wonder what would happen if one day either or both of you announced to your parents (since you are well-over 20 and adults) that you were going to move out of their home, get a job, and maybe even take a few college classes. *gasp*How would your parents react? You are grown adult women- so maybe it was time that you did something on your own without your parents guiding your every step and protecting you from evil like they did when you were a child. (If Proverbs 22:6 is correct, then if your parents taught you well, you won't depart from your beliefs just because you don't live with them any longer or serve your father.)

When a girl sits down to watch your movie, she is about to vicariously live your story with you, feelings, attitudes, romance, temptations and all. She is “you” for the next 90 minutes. And what is she learning along with you? That our parents are wrong about everything. That all will turn out well if we just follow our hearts. That no man is so bad he wouldn’t “turn it all around” just for us. Through you, we tangibly feel the temptation to reject our parents’ instruction, keep secrets from them, and defy them – and then, through you, we give in to temptation. Through you, we feel pangs of guilt, shame, and fear of hurting people we love – and then, through you, we learn to stuff those feelings down and ignore them. Through you, we learn: What I want is more important than what I believe is right.

And at the end of your story, everything turns out beautifully to prove that when you chose to follow your heart rather than your conscience, you made the right moral decision.

Some might still point out that, in order for your story to work out, you had to. True, but next time any of us want to “pull a Rapunzel,” and do something we know is wrong to make things right, let’s remember that our stories are not Disney movies; that our world is not populated with Disney characters; that we are not Disney heroines whose universes revolve around us; and that our Creator has rigged things to work differently. We’ve had to watch girl after girl after girl make the same decisions you did, give in to temptation the way you did, sear her conscience the way you did, and run off with scoundrels like the one you did. Unlike you, they discovered that the real world revolves around a God Who isn’t them, and that He has built into His world rewards for sin that don’t generally include “Happily Ever After.”

If you were a little brainwashed into believing that the outside world was a “dangerous place,” you would be a little torn too. If suddenly you decided to leave a sheltered place, where lies were taught to you, you would be confused as to what to do. That’s part of the emotional abuse in the film. Then, when finding out that there is some good in the world after all, you might just have a mini-breakdown. :)

We admit, we don’t typically write emails to CG models representing imaginary people. The reason we’re writing to you is because for many girls, you’re much more than that. Though you’re just a figment of someone’s imagination, a mere idea – ideas are real. And that’s why “Tangled” matters. After all, girls don’t really love “Tangled” because it’s “just a movie.” The reason we love it isn’t because we just can’t, practically or morally, put ourselves in Rapunzel’s shoes. We don’t love it because it’s a totally un-relatable fantasy that has no connection to our lives. If we love it, it’s because it does strike a chord with our lives. We laugh and cry along with Rapunzel’s joys and woes because we can relate to her. And when we passionately, emotionally tell critics to leave it alone because “It’s just a movie!” we are proving that down inside our hearts, it’s much more than that.

Maybe you ladies are feeling a little torn? I feel sorry for you! I personally love this movie- for it’s elements, style, dialogue, and story; but I don’t feel emotionally drawn to it. It doesn’t make me feel like running away or disobeying, I’ve asked my friends too and none of them feel this way. But maybe it makes you feel a little confused? Are you or your friends feeling convicted and that’s why you seem so angry and on-fire about this movie? I’m praying for you both: praying that you can enjoy freedom in Christ. That you can live freely—able to not always focus on the negative, realize that you are the ones persecuting yourselves, that you can become free of the snares that entangle you (see verse below), and most importantly that you can feel the peace of Jesus without the weight of your pressured father-made rules. Hebrews 12:1-2 says “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Galatians 5:1“Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.”

You don’t have to be weighted down by the constant pressure to submit to your earthly sinful father and his will for you. Instead submit to your perfect Heavenly Father and live a life free from the burden of guilt and pursuing perfection. I recommend that you read Philippians 2—and memorize, think, ponder, pray, and look for God’s will in your life—not your father’s will. You know, Ephesians 2:8-9 states, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” So nothing that you do for your personal or for your father’s glory is going to get you into Heaven. Only Jesus Christ’s death for you on the cross for your sins and your belief in Him is going to save you- by His grace and your faith.

You may be just an idea, an imagination, a thought – but thoughts (not people) are exactly what we’re commanded to take captive (2 Cor. 10:5). “Arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God” are exactly what we are supposed to destroy (v. 5). Strongholds are exactly what we are supposed to tear down (v. 4).

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, we’re not condemning you.

We’re just trying to take you captive.

Oh dear… that is kind of scary! Thankfully you can’t take Rapunzel captive, Mother Gothel is gone and so are the ties to the abuse that she perpetrated. Anna Sofia and Elizabeth- I am not condemning you. I just want you both to experience the grace and love of Jesus Christ and the freedom that He has waiting for you!

Love,
Anna Sofia and Elizabeth

*hugs*

Love, Grace

~~~~~

1. http://visionarydaughtersDOTcom/2012/04/our-response-to-rapunzel

Note: I did send this letter to the Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin last week. I have yet to receive an answer to my questions.